I've not heard from DS1's dad since over two years ago when he finally ditched the visits and left us alone. I've called him several times since then, managed to get him on mobile about twice, but it must be a year or more since we last spoke. I leave messages from time to time, always friendly, asking him to get in touch as DS is asking about him and wants to meet him.
I googled his name today and for the first time, actually found a hit - it is a business advert and states his address (which I knew, roughly) and mobile number (the same one I've left messages on) and also a home number, which I shakily tried to call, and found it was 'unrecognised'. (This is a bit typical for him as he was always hard to pin down).
I have mixed feelings about him seeing DS. DS is almost four and has expressed sadness at not having a father. I've told him I hope we can find him one day. It breaks my heart to know his dad just abandoned him.
But when his dad was in touch, he would be late, unreliable, lie to me, not give me his home number, and make a fuss about my not letting him take DS away without me, even though I hadn't got his address, or phone number, and I knew full well about his alcoholism and drink driving with his older children - he used to tell me when he was doing that every single day and nobody knew.
Maybe I was being unreasonable, he does have aspects which make him a good father and I used to love him very much - despite the fact he used me for a long time whilst married to someone else, then when he left her, also left me and DS for someone with three more kids! (He told me one time that he's had treatment for the drinking, whether this is true I have no idea...and made promises to see DS again when he was 'settled' - I found out he got married last summer. So he is settled.)
I just didn't feel happy handing over my child to an effective 'stranger' when he was only a year old. So the man decided he'd rather just duck out completely.
What do you think I should do, should I actually go round to his house (inaccessible by foot though only 2 miles away, I've no car) and try my hardest to get him involved, or let it go as he seems uninterested and might hurt DS more than be a good dad? He's so unreliable.
I'm so confused about what is best for DS. To add to the mix, I'm 32 wks pregnant with another child by another man, who turned out to be a tw*t, and DS is totally unclear about his new brother having a father, when he doesn't. We aren't in contact with the latest one at the moment but I suspect soon will be as he's shown an interest in the baby.
Help!