New to this.. Not through choice

[user1488224831]

Hi..
I have escaped DV with my now 5 month old son. Ive found a new flat that Im due to move into Monday. Im going to miss my little semi with garden and open plan space.
The flat is nice. But I know its my frame of mind. There is absolutely no going back but I don't know what's ahead.

Im a student .. Trying to juggle is immense work. I hate my self for not studying but then I hate myself for not entertaining my son.

Every day is the same. I love his smiles but have lost the motivation to keep chattering like I first did.

Its been a month now and if Im already wavering what chance do i have. I am really lonely and my family now seem to have got back to their routines now the dust has settled around me.

Does anyone have any encouragement?

I have read the single parent articles and tried to be positive. Using my evenings, once Ive got him down, to read and have some me time but I just feel empty.

I have referred my self to freedom project and counseling but not heard anything back. So its just some interim support I need.

5 months is a tough age . They are still not doing a lot , not moving . The lack of sleep that is without all the additional stuff . Is there any groups you can join . I left my ex due to dv when my Ds was 10 months old . He is now 10 . It really does get much easier

Im tired of crying

Oh honey, you can do this! Sounds like you're in a better spot now with less fear. You're strong and you are loved.

It's v early days and you've done so well to get a safe home sorted for you and your baby. To be studying as well is fantastic.

I went from big house to a 2 up 2 down tiny terrace. The day I moved in I cried. I cried a lot over the next few months. Before I knew it, 2 years had passed and I d got stronger.

I worked, looked after my boy, studied and got a new qualification and went through two court cases with my ex.

I bought a house last year. The day I moved out I cried again. Thinking about the little house I hated on day one but grew to appreciate as my refuge, and place to grow and heal. It had been a long time since I had cried the day I moved out.

You can do this.

Be kind to yourself. X

Thank you. Im going through a rollercoaster of emotions. Im up then down but presenting quite well in the mean time.
My ex has started doing pick ups and drop offs for my son. He is skipping about and acting like its all gravey.

It makes me feel so bitter. Ive never been a bitter person. This has taken everything it of me.. Ive lost my sense of self.

Im trying to be kind to myself and you sound amazing to have achieved everything. I feel like from the idol bystanders perspective I look pathetic and lonely and sad. Which isn't far off the truth.

Hopefully tomorrow will be another day closer to me accepting my situation.

If you look on the lp board there is another poster in similar circumstances . It’s cold but do try and get some fresh air and take vitamin D it really can help in winter

No, your ex is pathetic not you.

What are you studying? If you are at uni, there will be support services that you can access.

You're allowed to feel upset and angry. Have you got some good friends? I am lucky that I've had a lot of emotional support. I got counselling and friends who listened to me cry and rage.

Hope you can reach out. There's always us too! Offload here. I did too. Take whatever support you can and take it day by day.