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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Have I made a huge mistake

35 replies

WhatTheChickens · 28/10/2017 17:16

Some opinions on my current situation would really help me out, so thanks in advance

Been seeing a chap for about 5 months.
We live around an hour apart. We have been seeing each other most weekends and usually an evening in the week too.
I really do like him, and was so surprised that someone like him would be interested in me, a single parent and all. He's very successful, intelligent, we share similar views and values and we have an absolute blast when we're together.

However, I've just finished things because of the distance. I have a 4 y/o DD who has just started school. He has recently bought a house which he is renovating and is his absolute pride and joy. This isn't a run of the mill renovation, its a beautiful old house and he is spending an absolute fortune restoring it.

So we both have reasons for staying where we are and as a result I just don't think the relationship could go anywhere.

My DD sees dad eow and for dinner once a week. She's just started school and made friends, has grand parents, cousins and extended family who are all within a mile or 2 of where we are now. My absolute priority is DD and I just couldn't consider moving her away from all that she knows and needs.

Also, moving would mean looking for a new job for me, I also would not know anyone and lose my support network. But I guess things would improve in time?

We were nowhere near having the 'moving in together' conversation but looking forward I just felt like I didn't want to keep going and getting more invested in the relationship if it just can't go to the next level.

BUT, I am absolutely devastated. Have I done the right thing??
I really don't think I'll meet anyone quite like him again, or at least that would be interested in me.
I feel almost bereft. Its fucking horrible.
Someone tell me I've done the right thing please. Its taking every fibre of my being not to message him and say I've changed my mind.

OP posts:

BearFoxBear · 30/10/2017 22:17

Don't be hard on yourself. I think it's easy to feel like that when you're aware of the fertility clock ticking, but you clearly know that what matters most is the child you have now, not the child or children you might have. He's not the right one for you and your family, sounds like he never could be, so mark him down as a nice interlude and try to put him behind you.

The exciting thing about being where you are now - and I vividly remember this feeling - is not knowing who is going to come into your life and when! By putting him in the past you give yourself the chance to meet someone else who can make you - and your child - happy.

TheOriginalFactoryMum · 30/10/2017 22:27

I’m in a sort of ldr in the sense my partner has a flat about 20 mins away from me but works away all week. He is absolutely everything I want in a partner and very unlikely to find someone like that where I live (think depressed northern town). I totally accept that he cannot have the same kind of job round here and also I have two kids who take up a lot of my time (and see their dad twice a week) and I work full time too. We’ve accepted this is our life for now and love being together once or twice a week at best, plus short breaks. Being together all the time isn’t the be-all and end-all for us, but having at least one day/night of quality time is. I’d rather have that with someone whom I consider my soul mate than seven days a week with anything less.

youcantsitwithus1 · 30/10/2017 22:31

I hate the way your post seems to be putting you down with all this 'someone like me'. Y

youcantsitwithus1 · 30/10/2017 22:32

Bloody posted by accident. I don't care if this man looks like bloody Thor you shouldn't think anyone is too good for you. Everyone is special in their own way, and if he's not prepared to make you feel special or make any effort he's not worth your time

Abouttoblow · 30/10/2017 22:48

Stop putting yourself down OP. You deserve to be happy. If not with him you owe it to yourself to have someone who wants the same things

Original poster

WhatTheChickens · 31/10/2017 07:12

It wasn't necessarily a physical thing for me, he's not conventionally attractive (or so I'm told) it was everything else about him, intelligence, creativity, confidence, sense of humour.
I just don't think there's many single men out there in my age bracket with all this to offer.

OP posts:

youcantsitwithus1 · 31/10/2017 08:29

But at the same time you did say he's not attentive enough etc and it seems as though he's not putting you first, and you deserve much better. Everyone deserves to be put first

BearFoxBear · 31/10/2017 09:59

It sounds like you would be settling for him. There are single men out there who would show you the attention and respect you deserve.

Original poster

WhatTheChickens · 31/10/2017 17:10

That's what's getting me down I think, that he's all these lovely things, but he obviously didn't see any of those things in me.
I suppose what I'm trying to say is that I'm judging myself based on his opinion of me because I thought so much of him.

Does this even make any sense?! All I know is that I miss him

OP posts:

The1975 · 12/11/2017 16:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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