hate hate hate my ex how can he be such a b and still hurt me so much!

[carol3]

just had a charming coversation with ex and need to let off steam,
He left me last nov after months of arguing and things not being right for years. He was always prone to long mood swings and selfish behaviour.
Such a long storey but basically we in an unbelievable amount of debt, which is mainly in my name since he left me, I have delt with all the leters threats cab appointments regaerding debt and he hasn't helped at all.
He gives me at the moment an amount each month for maintinance and debt but this still only leaves me with very little to live on.
Anyway i'm at work tonight and he came to mine to look after the kids as he said it would be easier for him.
And he's just texted and called to say he's realy angry with me because he's been reading my mail and there was a letter from the cab that is going out to credit cards which says about how i got into debt and also alot of stuff about him leaving and drinking and smoking etc as it as to make a case to explain current situation.
Anyway he's now saying hes been nice so far but not going to be anymore and going to sell the house go for joint custardy, basically make my life hell.

Am so [anrgry] not really expecting any replies have no idea what to next though, part of me want to just sell the house half the rest of the debt and never take another penny off him so he doesn't have a hold on me.
Have no money for solicetors
God feel so crap feel like i'm holding on the end of a cliff, and the edge is cumberling

sorry my spelling is awful, its so much worse when, I'm upset.
Feel a little better for writing it down just which i knew what was around the corner.

hugs needed

HE's a very VERY norty boy for goign through your personal private possessions.

And if he is too thick to realise that it doesnt matter what this letter says, as long as it assists ALL OF YOU to get out of debt, then he needs a mighty fine kick up the rectum.

He read your mail? That's absolutely horrendous! HOw dare he! Get yourself to teh citizens advice. You may well be eligible for legal aid. Were you married? Whose house is it? Do you jointly own it?

thankyou vvv thats what i thought,
thanks for replying started to feel a bit paranoid

its quite late carol i think. thats all. Dont take it to heart

thanks aloha, yep together 12 years married 10, yes house in joint names. Don't think i would qualify for legal aid as am working?
will call cab again in the morning but usuall takes me about a week to get through.

Get some advice before you make any big decsions re the house, etc. CAB should be able to help. I think Women's Centres sometimes have access to free legal advice and may just be good for more general support. Good luck!

no i won't, vvv, I forget when i'm on nights most people are in bed.

I believe many solicitors will wait for payment until you have a settlement. It is good news you are married. If he thinks that he is automatically entitled to half the house he is very much mistaken. If you have the child/ren you will have a claim on more - up to 100%. You need to get things sorted and prevent him running up more debt that you have anything to do with. Go the CAB, don't assume anything about entitlements, and get yourself a nice, assertive solicitor!

Call some local family law solicitors and explain your position. Most will give a free initial meeting, then give you some idea of costs and how they would expect payment.

really aloha, just thought every thing was split down the middle, My fear is he will suddenly go for joint custerdy to avoid paying me money.

Nah, he won't. You are the primary carer, the children live with you. The court won't change that. It's all just bluster. And no, it definitely won't just be split down the middle. Your children's housing needs take top priority. they live with you, so you need more of the money and the house. He is making empty threats. Call his bluff. Call some solicitors tomorrow!

the courts could completely transfer the house into your name - anything is possible.

thanks alora your giving me a ray of hope. been such a crap year, I am usually a really strong person and cope with most things life chucks at me, but all getting a bit much at the moment.

You need to extricate yourself financially too - tell people that his debts have nothing to do with you. A solicitor should be able to help with that too. Glad to have helped lift your mood. I promise you I am telling the truth!

Carol I have gone through 19 months of this and the threats of joint residency, non payment of anything at all from the word go adn debts. In the end after me going to court to prevent the house being re possessed I got the whole amount of the sale and that paid my debts and nothing else.

I have residency as well. It has been awful but legal advice is a must and you need to protect yourself. Now it is mostly over although back in court over contact soon and frankly I am loads happier and it has worked out well. None of his threats came true and I stress none! He has threatened me and been violent to me and the kids and none of it has helped him.

Hi Carol, to find out if you're eligible for legal aid, go to the Legal Services Commission website eligibility calculator. It's dead easy.

If you are entitled, make sure you check with the solicitors when you make the appointment that they do legal aid; lots of us don't any more.

In any case, you can find a local solicitor through the resolution website www.resolution.org.uk. All good divorce lawyers belong to resolution.

thank-you so much for the replies, don't know what i'd do without mumsnet.
I have done the on-line calulator and it says I am entitled to legal aid, so will now try and find a solicitor.
Glitterfairy so glad you have made in through the otherside, gives me more hope