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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Child maintenance - food etc

9 replies

pyjamapyjama · 15/10/2017 13:05

My sons dad and I have a pretty bad relationship & are constantly on and off. Currently off and for good this time. Hes 8 months old and I just wanted a bit of clarification on whether he or I should be paying for food when hes with his dad and not me

For a bit of background, he gives me £100 per month which is much better than the £10 a week he gave me up until DS was 5 months old.
I live with my parents, give them rent money etc, in the process of getting my own flat. DS's dad has his own house, a decent job where he earns 26k per year. I pay £300pm for nursery fees because I am at uni. Plus about £50 on formula, £30 on food for him, about £20 on nappies/wipes.
I calculated how much he should be legally paying me for how often he sees him (every other weekend Friday evening til Sunday morning) and it comes out at £160 per month.

I've just had an argument with DS's dad because I only packed 4 food sachets for DS this weekend and he had to buy extra. He said "where the fuck does the money I give you go?" I just don't know what the "rules" are for when hes at his dad - do i supply all of the food? I give him formula etc, and i buy all of his clothes and things he needs

Tia

OP posts:

WatchingFromTheWings · 15/10/2017 13:07

No way should you be paying for food (or anything!) when he’s with his dad!! What an arse he is!

And I’d seriously be speaking to Child Maintenance about the shortfall in what he’s paying you. Your child should be getting the full amount.

Starlight2345 · 15/10/2017 19:50

Two things.. no you don't need to provide food or formula..The amount you pay is calculated on the nights for that reason.

Secondly.. I would tell him you have calculated it as £160 per month and if it isn't increased this month you will go to CMS and do so.. £15 a week is a big difference or simply go to the CMS as I wouldn't trust him if he gets a pay rise to increase his payments either.

Original poster

pyjamapyjama · 16/10/2017 07:20

Thanks so much for replying to me! That's pretty much what I thought.

Update - had a chat with him last night about it, I gave him a breakdown of what I spend monthly said if he wanted to make it more equal then to feel free to give me half of that! He responded with "did I charge you rent on the nights you stayed over? Did I charge you interest on money I lent you?"

rolls eyes

So, now am I wrong in thinking that he should be able to separate the fact that he gives ME money, from the fact that it's actually for his son?

OP posts:

WhoWants2Know · 16/10/2017 07:26

Men often have trouble separating the idea that the money is for their kids when they pay it to you.

And he's clearly being petty because he's still not over the breakup.

So if he doesn't want to deal in facts, maybe just go through the CMS and let them tell him what he owes.

WatchingFromTheWings · 16/10/2017 14:45

I’d stop taking to him about it tbh and just get onto cms.

LewisThere · 16/10/2017 14:49

That money is for HIS CHILD, nothing to do with you staying over...

I agree. I would tell him that according to the CSA, he ought to give you xx.
He can chose to either do that or you will go through CSA instead.

I think it would also be a good idea to have a clear organisation as to when and how often he has his dc. And yes, when he has his child wth him, he is the one to pay for everything he is doing with him.

Starlight2345 · 16/10/2017 15:52

At this point I would also go straight to CMS...Reason the minute you are having to justify how you spend your money then you are into the realms of him controlling you..

You are separate people and how you deal with your finance is none of his business.If you neglect your child ( not for one minute suggesting you would) that is his business.

I do believe some men really think the money goes to you..Deal with the CMs that is one less argument.

Allthebestnamesareused · 16/10/2017 16:14

First of all, you do not have to justify any of what you spend at all to him.

I would claim maintenance through the CMS and that way you will; get what you are entitled to not what he has decided to give you.

When he has her to stay he pays for her food etc. not you!

Movingon1611 · 17/10/2017 09:50

Definitely go to CMS it’s so easy to get it set up.
My ex was deducting part of a loan repayment he’d taken out from the maintenance he gave me because I’d benefited from the money he’d borrowed!
He also keeps asking for receipts to prove what the maintenance has been spent on which is an improvement on his original demand I open a separate bank account for it.
He doesn’t seem to grasp that the maintenance is towards every day living costs. CMS have told him i don’t have to prove what the moneys been spent on and he has to pay regardless

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