Thinking of packing in work

[ThisEasterTime]

I am single parent to DS aged 17 months. I had a year off mat leave and returned to work in October. I work 16 hours pw over 2.5 days and DS in nursery for 2.5 days.

DS seems to be poorly every other week (he is a happy wheezer, when he teethes his nappies are horrific, as much as I know its a teething nappy I know nursery cannot have nappies like that, has had chickenpox and Foot & Mouth). I dread getting the number popping up on my mobile, I'm the only one who can collect as mum doesn't live in town and my sister works full-time. He has never met his father,

My actual line manager is pregnant and goes on leave in July and she has been great but I'm living with the guilt that I have never even managed a full month. I work for a big banking company and they have been understanding but I feel that I am now 'pushing' it.

I will be worse off financially but then will not have travel costs etc....sorry to go on but has anyone ever gone through this? I would be going back onto benefits....is it just as simple to 'back on benefits'?

Maybe you should chat with your boss. You say they are understanding, then they may put your guilt to rest and re-assure you that it's just one of those things.

I have a ds and no family near by, however, I am a cm so it's easier for me to be able to work around my ds.

I hope someone else comes along with better advice!!

ThisTime - as you know, our situations are similar but definitely not the same. My dh is chronically ill and so cannot work - and in general cannot step up the hours he already does if ds is ill, so if ds is ill I have to take leave to make up the shortfall. Our little ones are a similar age and my god, they are ill every flipping day over the winter but I have hopes that the summer might be different.

I find it really difficult to justify myself at work, even though nearly everyone else in my team is a parent (note: all men) and they are sympathetic (whilst never having to take time off themselves). I have come close to just packing it in myself many times. The wheels just come off when ds is ill and the whole thing seems unsustainable.

What I would say to you - and should prob say to myself - is, if you take a long gap whilst ds is pre-school, and then you want to go back, how feasible is that? Compared to soldiering on and accepting that you have to feel like you're doing less than you could do were circumstances different? I have resigned myself to knowing that my only chance is to be 150% better than my colleagues - and I still may not have the advancement opportunities I could have had were it not for both dh and ds. On the other hand, I had that before and wouldn't trade it for anything.

Bottom line: if your work are being understanding I would ride it out for as long as you can.

I think you should do whatever makes you feel better. I have complete understanding as have been in the same situation. Ds is 3 and i have been working 18.5 hrs a week over 3 days. He has allergies and now what appears to be developing asthma and along with a few frantic trips to hospital there have been many times I have not made a full month at work. I am now trying to start up my own business as after 18 months of time off/making hours up and a declined application of doing a few hours from home I couldn't cope with not being there for my ds when he needed me most. I really don't know if the business will work (and at the moment it doesn't look good) but thought I would give it a go and if it fails then I will just try and get another job which is more child friendly (Asdas checkout probably - sad as have a degree in IT!!! )

I think you need to weigh up the pros and cons and how financially viable it is vs. what makes you feel better able to cope. It is my last week at work this coming week before I "do it alone", so am pretty scared myself - certainly financially!

Not sure if the above helps, but just wanted you to know that feeling like this is not unusual in our situations but take a look at other options as well.

When children start at nursery, they often have a spell of being frequently unwell. So many children, so many germs etc. But it passes.

I think to leave might have long term consequences whereaas the illnesses might be just a phase. Two and a half days with a big bank (presumably good benefits) with understanding employers is a pretty good deal, I'd say.

Good luck.

hang on in there, it will probably pass. I would wait until they sacked me, tbh, because you know you havent done anything wrong. Try not to feel guilty - they are only an employer!

Hi, I have only read the original post.

Yes you can just go back onto benefits as it were. I am currently working my notice, but for different reasons.

I wish I had never returned to my old job after maternity leave.

Could you manage another year off (on benefits) and then look for work again.

Im now looking for something local and low key work wise as my priorities have all changed, currently working my notice in big solicitors.

Can you go straight onto benefits if you leave?
I was alwasyunder the impression that you haad to be sacked/redundant to do that?

If your employers are sympathetic, try to stay put -and bear in mind that is they start acting like swines all of a sudden and pressure you to leave, you can sue! :-) though good employers generally understand that giving parents a bit of leeway and sympathy means that said parents work twice as hard when they are in the workplace and, unlike some non-parent staff who might be there for long hours, don't spoend their time playing solitaire on the computer, fiddling with their verucas under the desk, whining about their lovelives or dawdlign to and from the sweetie shop all day.

Mrs Who, yes if you have a child of a certain age, think it could be under 16 or 12, unsure which.

You mean I have worked for the past 7 years when I could have left?

I wanted to leave when I got divorced/dd2 was born/hours got majorly dropped at work and thought I wouldn't be able to claim anything so I kept working.I would have done a degree instead of doingit as well.

I'm pretty sure you can, depends on the age of the child. Lone parent advisers at Jobcentre Plus have been brilliant with me.

I di - just handed in my notice and moved ack to my mu and dads. Was able to cliam income support, tax credits and childbenfit straight away. Wasn't loads of money but kept me sane. I was at the point where i had been signed off for 6weeks anyway due to impossible personal circumstances and I felt I had nothing to loose.

One year on I'm back in work and life is better and I know what my priorities are.

Thanks everyone for your messages, I will reply back soon but got a poorly DS again

Had him at the GP today and they have out him back on his inhaler as he is whistling & wheezing away....supposedly first day back at work tomorrow after a weeks leave!

Poor you, ThisEasterTime (and poor ds as well) (and btw it's not Easter any more ).

I'm on leave tomorrow morning and was going to go to Crown Point, do you fancy meeting up? (If ds is well enough of course).

Hi Trib - Would have loved to but have just managed to get my sister to sleep tonight just in case he is not well enough for nursery. Then she can watch him for the day so I can definitely go to work tomorrow...not so sure if I should be so pleased that i'm going to work!