Feeling resentful

[octobersunshine]

How does anyone get over the resentment you feel when you have no social life and you're completely stuck, but your ex can move on with someone else. Feel completely stuck and left behind, and bitter tonight.

Honestly, time! It takes time. How old are your dc? How long have you been a lone parent?

DS is 16 months and was unplanned. Ex left in January and has him for an afternoon once a week. He has just told me he has a serious girlfriend and it's completely floored me. Didn't expect to feel this way. But I feel so resentful that his life can continue, whilst I'm doing all the childcare with no prospect of moving on.

I felt the same way. Although I left my dds dad it used to drive me crazy seeing him out partying every weekend just getting on with his life whilst I was stuck at home with a 5 month old baby. No social life no money no friends it was awful. I think my dd getting the 15 hours free child care a week really helped me get back on track. Are you eligible for that? How about play groups? I met some friends there too.

Do you have any friends or family that you can talk to or can babysit so you can do something for you?

I’ve found as my dd has got older (4 now) it’s become so much easier and I’m glad I “had” to stay home with her and miss nights out because I got all the good times with her. All the “firsts” that he missed out on because he was out getting pissed and he missed out.

And you will move on it will just take time and you’ll have to work a bit harder at it but you’ll be stronger for it. This is a phase and it will pass.

Thank you. It helps to hear positive stories. I know it will come, it's just hard at the moment when you feel left behind.

I work full time, and DS goes to childcare 4 days and my mum and dad one day. It's just I don't have the opportunity to go out at the weekend. Does it sound stupid that I would probably care less if I'd met someone new too?

I'm YEARS ahead of you and still get the rage at my arse-wipe-wanker of an ex. Honestly, I still fantasise about hiring a hit man The sorry excuse for a man makes my blood boil.

At the moment, I can't reconcile definitely not wanting to be with him, but still feeling sad that it's over and jealous that he's with someone else

I've been in your position many years ago. DS wasn't planned and he moved out when our son was about 6 months old and straight onto someone else. I suspect there was some crossover between us! Absolutely hated it. Considering he was the shit who left, why did he get to move on with zero responsibilities?! But it transpired that he wasn't happy at all in that time. It was all for show and "to prove something" to everyone else because he had left me. He even married her and had a child (all in the space of about a year and a half) and then he did the same to her too. Don't pay too much attention to what he's doing because you don't know what's going on behind closed doors. I've now met someone else, married and had another child and I'm really happy. He wasn't worthy of you or your child. Focus on yourself, don't think about what he's doing because he probably isn't as happy as he's making out.

Hello again octobersunshine. I completely understand (no surprise there!!).
I don't know if you get maintenance from your ex or how you are doing financially? I am not afraid to say I am completely skint with a monthly spend always sneaking onto my credit card if something awful happens like I need fuel for the car!!
Despite that I set up a savings account- my ex pays an offensively low amount into my account every week. I send half of it to the savings account on a standing order.
I should add it could easily come off other money coming into my account but there's a certain passive aggressive satisfaction knowing it's his money because every month I arrange a night out with friends- sometimes I get lucky and a friend can babysit but more often than not I pay a babysitter and just have a good night out. It's not a lot but it helps, really really helps, to have a tiny bit of my social life back and to allow myself to spend that money on my social life.

And disneydatknee thanks for your positive story- maybe one day my prince will come! X

Thanks for your positive stories and people understanding. It's so helpful to know I'm not alone.

My ex told me about his new girlfriend and I just nodded but inside I was so angry, not because he's got a girlfriend but because he has the time and the freedom to be able to. He said, in the most patronising way, 'don't worry, I'm sure you'll find someone soon'. I wanted to scratch his eyes out!