Advice on becoming a single parent

[healingslowly44]

I'm starting out on the road as a single parent. I have a young baby. Like so many people it wasn't something I thought I'd ever be experiencing. Can I ask your advice on the following:
Does it get easier being a single mother?
How did being a single parent affect your child/ children?
What was the relationship like that your child had with their father?
Was it easy to meet a new partner with a child?
is there anything you wish you'd known starting out having gone through the process?

Any advice/ tips is greatly appreciated. Thank you so much!

It was hard in that everything was down to me.

I got good at planning weeks meticulously so I could pick my dc up from childminders and there was food ready for us at home, sometimes I'd slowcook meals sometimes I'd batch cook and just heat up food.

I made a point to make happy memories with my dc.

I did whatever was easiest so my house wasn't pristine but we'd have duvet days and picnics on the floor in the front room.

I started our traditions so every winter we go to the ballet and a pantomime we go to the theatre, we would all go see whichever Disney movie was out as my dcs liked that.
We'd go to the museums a lot too together.

I actually worked part time for a while at the beginnnig to make things easier for my dc so I could collect them from school and we had more time together.

For a while it was just our little world. We did make friends with other families who were in similar situations some of whom are still very close dear friends and we'd have days out together and the adults could lean on eachother give eachother advice, recommend solicitors.

I spent the first few years just concentrating on my dc and then I started taking care of myself doing things I wanted to do for me.

As a result my dc and I are very close. We went thro a lot together.

We've also got a set of very close friends who went thro similar around the same time.

We've all moved on with our lives now.

I'm with DP and we've got a baby together.

I can't comment if it was hard to find someone new, I wasn't looking as I had such an awful marriage previously and ex was making my divorce such a battle I was very hurt by it.

DP is lovely and my older dc love him.

Life's happy now thank God.

Of all the other friends going through similar the others are also in new happy relationships, one went back to her husband (it was her mil who was the problem not her h to be fair), and one is still single but she doesn't want another relationship.

Thank you so much for taking the time to write that with some honesty and detail. My ex cheated on me whilst I was pregnant so Im trying to build up my self esteem again and concenrate on raising our child.
It's nice to hear that you're very close to your child and I hope for the same with mine.
I'm glad you've found happiness with someone else.
Did you join any single parent groups at all?

i officially became a single parent when my youngest was 4 and the others were 5,7 and 9, so I was not officially on my own with tiny babies as you are.

7 years on, here is what I have learned......
You have more capacity for love and hard work than you would ever have thought possible,
You will spend equal amounts of time muddling through the hard bits and thriving in the easier ones.....remember to be kind to yourself and that the hard times will pass,
You will find joy in the small things in life and when you are skint or struggling they will get you through,
You may find your ex is a great dad and/or friend.....if you do rejoice! If he is not remember he is not the only man in the world and your little one needs plenty of both male and female role models from all walks of life. Don't allow yourself to be isolated. Get out there (if you want to, date, but there are lots of lovely people to make friends with who you wouldn't want in your house/bed!!)
As above, make your own traditions and routines.....as a single parent in the early years routine got me through a lot.
Ditch the guilt. You cannot do everything, be everything, achieve everything....do the necessary then choose what is important to you/your family and work at those.

There are lots of resources out there to help...gingerbread, single with kids, local groups...don't feel alone.

Good luck! You will do the best you can I am sure and your little one will be the recipient of love and that matters most.

Thank you! That was really encouraging to read, You're no fool on the hill! :-)

I didn't join any single parent groups.

I left ex as he was abusive. Then I spent years trying to ensure my dc were safe from him, I have two dc with ex.

It also helps if you have friends and family to support you.

I met DP at work.

I became a single parent when my XH left me with a 2 year old and 5 month old. They are now in their 20s - happy, successful, well-adjusted adults. Both have a reasonable relationship with their DF. He constantly disappoints them but I think their expectations are low - which is sad. They have a lovely relationship with their SM despite XH and her splitting and he's remarried.

With hindsight, I'd say that was a good time for him to go. DCs have no memory at all of their dad living with them so we didn't have that trauma I've seen older kids experience. It probably took me 18 months to get over the shock of the split. Certainly didn't expect it. I was a SAHM.

Like Fuzzy, I found it hard that absolutely everything was down to me. I had to find a job that would cover mortgage repayments and childcare - and then find childcare flexible enough to cover the hours I needed for commuting and work. I had to build a network of supportive people for emergencies - and invest a lot of time in paying back favours! I worked so hard at jobs because I was terrified of losing them. I also felt I had to compensate because I couldn't socialise with colleagues as I always had to go straight home to collect DCs.

We had some great holidays - much better than a lot of "complete" families do - because we didn't have another adult to keep happy. We did Haven caravans, cheap hotel deals, and then eventually when finances got better we went skiing, did Disney and visited relatives in the US and Canada. We had some real great fun at home. We also did the picnics on the living room floor, we had lots of friends for sleepovers, and had our Disco Saturday with the Bee Gees and juice and crisps. (ok maybe that was a bit cruel but they loved it at the time!)

It was great having total control over the DC's lives. Many of my married friends argued over schools and clubs and behaviours and parenting styles. None of that for me!

I wasn't interested in having relationships (had a few flirtations but nothing serious) because life was just too busy and there were probably only a few nights each year when DCs would stay with their DF - none for the first five years or so. I also studied while working FT and I loved that.

I remember very clearly that my first reaction to him saying he was leaving was that I didn't want my children to grow up in a one parent family. Yes, it's bloody hard work a lot of the time and there are pros and cons but overall my DCs had a good childhood and I'm happy. I met DH after 13 years on my own and he was well worth the wait. DCs have a brilliant relationship with him.

You get there - because you have to. Like previous posters you just have to focus on making the very best of it.

My ex left whilst I was pregnant too so I can relate to you healingslowly. I'm 2.5 years down the road and happily single but in time when I feel ready hope to meet someone. My children are happy, our home is happy, they see their father and enjoy seeing him. He a typical part time father, spoils them rotten, they have late nights and eat rubbish but I have no control of that and have to let it go. My eldest already is starting to see that I do everything and that his father does the bare minimum. I hope they grow up with my values and have morals.

I miss them terribly when they aren't with me but use that time for me and to blitz our house. I work part time and feel I have a good work/life balance. I've managed to financially stand on my own two feet and emotionally have remained stable throughout thanks to great friends and family and running!!

All in all I'm proud of my children and myself after what started out a very dismal situation!

OllyBjolly you are an inspiration!

I left abusive ex when DS was 10 months old.

I never joined a single parents group..We were intially in refuge then 5 months later moved into our own home..

Get sleep when you can is my top tip..
We did go to quite a few parent and toddler groups, it broke up the day and meant I had someone else to talk to.

It does get easier as they get older..My Ds is not 10 has gone to cub and Beaver camps . Goes on play dates.

I would also say we are very close.