anyone about??

[benbenandme]

Just done the whole "daddy picking up ds" routine and I hate this bit when I'm all on my own.
Its been over 18 months now and yet I still fancy the arse off him and would have him back like a shot if I had the chance ... and yet logically when I think of what he's put me through and how he's treated me and ds I should never want to speak to him ever again
I really hate the handing him over to ex-dp and his gf (together before he left us) and seeing them take my little boy away ... I just feel so redundant, it just still feels so wrong that we wanted this baby and he can so easily treat me as if I don;t exist and play happy families with her
I know I'll be fine again in a bit, I just hate this handover bit ... have tried loads os stuff to deal with it but its always an effort to cover up how miserable I feel
Sorry ... whinge over!!

i'm sorry

i am a single mum too but dont have the access grief right now seeing as the ex is in thailand, but i didnt want this to go ignored

hi i had to answer you i feel really for you it must be so hard especially if you still have feelings for him
does he bring the new gf with him to pick your ds up cause if he does this would make me really
anyway hope you feel happier soon i just had to answer you.
(wouldn`t it be nice to be able to switch off our feelings for people when we want to).

I used to hate it when my dc were picked up, big hugs to you. If I were you I would pour myself a big glass of wine & sit out in the sunshine.

He does bring her and always has done, but she stays in the car, but its horrible knowing shes there ... its really silly things that wind me up like when we were together we both worked shifts so could never plan stuff together much, and even when I went p/t he worked almost every weekend, but now he has given up his job to get a mon-fri one the same as her ... and he earns £10k more than when he was here. I know this is none of my business but it makes me angry that he gives me the minimum csa amount and thinks that makes him a good dad

thank you all for your replies!! I know I need to move on and would love nothing more than to meet someone else and build a new happy family life, but that can't happen while I still have feelings for him ... I would love to be able to switch off my feelings for him

benbenandme
so sorry you still feel like this
dont worry - I do too

well...dont fancy the pants off my ex as he has put on weight & seems to get his hair cut less than he did when with us

BUT he now lives locally to his job & so is home early every night - early enough to speak to the kids on the phone - but when lived with us was never home to kiss them goodnight

it is a little easier isnt it?

I assume you are without your son this weekend - have you planned anything nice for yourself?

am only without him for the night - he'll bring him back tomorrow teatime as they are going away for weekend.
It is easier in a lot of ways now, I just wish I could stop having feelings for him!!
I'm working tomorrow and I tell myself that rather than them taking ds away from me I am actually using them as free childcare while I work
It just hurts that all the plans we made he is living them out with someone else and I just seem unable to get over him! I would dearly love to see him and feel nothing ... I am getting on with stuff and am busy most of the time and have good friends and am trying to build a future but it all seems fake iyswim because I know it will never be what I wanted for ds.

he is home every night early enough to ring and say night to ds ... but he never has once

but actually it is about this is not what you wanted for YOU

your DS will grow up with life as it is & accept it (mostly)
he's young like my two

its US who struggle cos our nice life plan has been shattered without our consent

mine were 1 1/2 & 3 1/2 when H left and they now see life as it is as the norm.
my dd (youngest) never remembers daddy living with us so just accepts things.

give yourself a break and dont worry about DS - worry about yourself & your future

can anyone else do the hand over?
as sad as it sounds, I am 16 mths down the road & realise I need to ask my parents to do the handover again as I cant deal with seeing ex.
if I need to do this for me then I will do it.

I remember reading a book when ex left saying it can take 2 or 3 yrs to get over ex & thinking "what rubbish - I'm not waiting that long".....maybe it was right

Its funny, I was actually thinking earlier that maybe that is what I need to do. We have actually been getting on better recently which seems to make it even harder if that makes sense, cos I look forward to seeing him when he picks ds up, even though I know he has no feelings whatsoever for me.
We are moving away from this area soon (solicitors!! ) and then there won't be any way to avoid him at handover time. It should go to every other weekend then though, so won't have to see him every week.
You are right about it being about us not the kids, ds has a good life and is very happy ... most of the time I am relatively happy now though, if only I could get him out my head !! Logically I want to meet someone else and I would desperately love another child before I'm too old, and I know these things will never happen while I still want him, but its not that simple is it??

hes moved on & is being nice & expects you to be nice too - all adults etc

except its not that easy....he had an affair & so had "left" you mentally way b4 leaving physically

so it will take you longer

I find it v confusing that ex is so nice to me but still goes home to her & leaves me & the kids (well leaves me)

thats why Im going to keep my distance again until divorced - too confusing - as much as I knwo he was a bad husband & distant father, I still hanker for my old future

[hugs]

just wanted to had a hug, and say your not alone.
I dread hand over too, Ex is taking mine to stay with him and gf sat and sunday. Hate it still so angry that i'm the one going through it and he's living his new life. Still quite raw as he only moves out in november after being together 12 years.