Kids growing up- feeling crap...

[Zzzexhaustedzzz]

I'm after a bit of moral support maybe - or fellow grumblers!
I'm truly exhausted with my full time job. It involves teenagers with behavioural difficulties. On it's own this would be fine. Even though the pay is shit. However, I'm feeling a bit hopeless and sad and despairing!
My kids are now 18 (at university elsewhere, miss her) and 14 and 12.
The 14 year old has become a grunting miserable sod who spends all his time in his room. My youngest is still lovely (but for how long?!) and I feel bad that I'm not more upbeat just for him.
My long term partner was like a father to them and was a great partner to me. But he left last year. Things had gone downhill. I can't figure out whether I am still in love with him.
I had had no love life for more than 2 years. In the Summer I met someone and rekindled my sex-life. But I'm over 40 now. This person isn't compatible with family life.
At the moment I'm just so tired and no one appreciates what I do. I couldn't even afford a holiday this Summer.
In the future all I see is loneliness and sadness. I wish I'd never had children. I feel I've wasted my life. I won't be free from my parental duties for another few years. It feels like a prison! I can't cope with the company of teenagers to this extent! I need a partner! But could I let someone into my life and our family home again? All my hopes and dreams died years ago. I've been through the mill with my ex. Courts etc. Drove me insane. In fact I partly blame that for my break up - but that wouldn't bring him back. I'm drowning in regrets and cant bear it.

• The ex is my children's father.

Sorry I don't really know what to say but didn't want to read and move on.

I get the loneliness and the feeling of being held prisoner. My children are s lot younger so I have many years of it ahead.

Just try and find yourself rather than another partner. Hugs x

Whoknows thanks for replying.
I know myself well enough. I need space and time in my life. I have little of either. I want myself back from this thankless parenting business. But feel guilty even saying this.

I too have days where I feel it's thankless. I think any mother does. I get you though it's lonely. But I'm not willing to settle for anything. So for now it's me and my 4 walls every night and a browse on tinder and pof 😂

I know - and why should you settle for anything? My partner was perfect for the first couple of years. I thought I was set up for life with him and I turned out to be wrong. I've moved from grief to acceptance now. I know its finished.
Ive been pretty good on my own, generally. I'm just feeling crap, realising that the job I have is probably not realisticly bearable alongside all my kids being teens. It's giving me grey hair!
How old are yours?

Is the separation quite recent?

I've been a single parent for 2.5 years now. My ex left me 7 months pregnant for another woman and they've recently had a baby. None of it makes sense or made sense at the time.

My children are 6 and 2. We've done amazingly well thanks to the support of my family and a couple of friends. There has been tricky times but in general we are (the 3 of us) very happy and well adjusted to the situation.

My experience has made me even more aware of my strong independence, the fact I can do it on my own but sadly that makes me no catch for these macho men!!

Hi - no, I separated from their dad 10 years ago. 1.5 years later I met my now ex partner who I've been without for 1.5 years.
I felt great after I finished with their dad. Empowered. Independent.
I still am independent. I kept my independence to some extent through my last relationship. I'm just sick of being poor, lonely, no sexlife and ungrateful teens making me feel crap. I'm looking into the next 10 years now and realising I have to pull myself together.

My reply is probably more from your kids perspective than your own, but I hope it will help
My mum separated from my dad when I was a teenager and had a partner afterwards for a number of years - they too divorced, and she is not in touch with either. I was the rebel teenager and our relationship was pretty crappy for a number of years, until I moved out. I now realise that our frustrations were feeding each other's and it just snowballed.
My advice to you would be try not to feel frustrated with your kids - they are teenagers and will have weird behaviours which are normal at those stages - maybe if you ignore them and accept it is an age thing, you too will feel more upbeat
And don't dismiss yourself or your happiness, I would give anything for my mum to find a man (younger or older) who would put that special smile on her face - I bet your kids think the same too xx

Thankyou FS, that was a good reminder. I have found recent months especially difficult because of a relationship which can't be continued due to lifestyle differences...