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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

single parents on benefits,,do you feel guilty

27 replies

TheAngelWearsPrada · 04/04/2007 09:04

am i the only one that feels like when you go to job centre plus etc your on trial ,,mmm maybe it is just me ,

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

agnesnitt · 04/04/2007 11:27

I'm not looking forward to the experience that's for sure. Seeing as my ex and I are still living in the same house right now there's nothing I can claim, but once I am on my own I will have no choice in the matter until I get back into training next year. It's something I never wanted to have to do, and I think that colours my perceptions. There are a lot of lasses in the city I live in who have children purely to avoid working and paying for anything, and I don't wish to be considered to be one of them. A lot of us are doing what we can and just using the system (or planning to use the system) as a stop-gap but you know that a lot of people will just assume that it is a permanent career choice.

I could rant for hours on this one.

Agnes

NuttyMuffins · 04/04/2007 11:30

Yep i do, even when they agree with what you have said, they still make it all seem like you are taking the pee.

princesscc · 04/04/2007 11:30

Angel - as long as you are sure and have done your sums and its the only way to keep your head above water, why should you feel guilty? I've never been there myself, but just the fact that you are worrying about it, says to me that you deserve/need it.

MadamePlatypus · 04/04/2007 11:47

Angel, I choose to live in a country where my taxes are used to support single parents because one day the shoe could be on the other foot and I might need that support. Yes, some people abuse the support, but I still choose this system over any other.

expatinscotland · 04/04/2007 11:49

The ones who should REALLY feel guilty are the so-called parents who leave their own children and can't be bothered to support them.

Original poster

TheAngelWearsPrada · 04/04/2007 12:04

oh hum.at least i dont feel so alone now

OP posts:

colditz · 04/04/2007 12:06

Me!

I feel fucking awful, I've been on IS for 6 weeks, and I am looking for part time work, but never even get a call back - and due to the hours, can't get a childminder to cover the shifts for my old jopb chioce.

colditz · 04/04/2007 12:06

I just ant to wear a badge saying "I am really not doing this for the money"

agnesnitt · 04/04/2007 12:15

Maybe there should be a tee shirt available declaring "in it for the shame..."

Alternatively we could just do the holding high of head and ignoring everyone thing?

Agnes

monika11 · 04/04/2007 16:28

i agree very much with you expatinscotland.

juicychops · 04/04/2007 16:29

colditz, i know how you feel!

Been looking for a part time job for a couple of months now as i hate being on IS. I have to find a job that is 16+ hours between mon and fri but not full time as i still want to see a bit of ds rather than only have weekends with him. Must of applied for about 60 jobs now and i have heard F all!!

That want people to come off benefits and support themselves but they dont half make it hard for you!!

ThisEasterTime · 04/04/2007 16:30

I work 16 hours a week (and I do love my job) but since returning to work in October my DS (17 months) seems to be poorly every other week. When my phone rings I get the dreaded call from nursery saying please can you collect....and as I am the only one who can collect I feel like packing in work but then again it looks like I am choosing to go on benefits...

For the second part of my maternity leave I claimed IS and i felt like you as well and I had a letter in my hand confirming my return to work 6 months down the line

harman · 04/04/2007 16:36

Message withdrawn

colditz · 04/04/2007 16:37

He does and I would. He's poor, sadly.

colditz · 04/04/2007 16:39

It is, I suppose, an easy choice if you have the attitude that the money is yours, you are entitled to it, the government have to help you, it's their job etcetc

But if you are well used to working to provide for yourself and you children, then you have to go to the job centre and explain, cap in hand, why you made your partner leave, and that no, you are not still sleeping with him ...

then it's a hard choice.

harman · 04/04/2007 16:40

Message withdrawn

colditz · 04/04/2007 16:49

I know, I know, I am outraged that people in my shitty position should feel guilty, my God why should they...

different when it's me, I have Catholic guilt without even being Catholic! LOL

FioFio · 04/04/2007 16:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

wheresthevalium · 04/04/2007 17:09

No you absolutely shouldn't!

I am a single mum and I do work pt, but I am only able to because I have the most accomodating cm in the world.

I think sometimes people forget that we are in fact doing the most important job in the world, it's just that we don't get paid for it.

nightowl · 05/04/2007 01:45

oh i remember my first jobcentre interview (ie, the one you have no choice but to go to) when the nice patronising lady leaned across the desk to me and said "now, have you ever worked before?" with a hugely false sympathetic smile on her face.

oh yes you stupid woman, for the last ten years ever since i left school..do you not understand the word redundancy? ffs, ive been out of work for a couple of months.

although actually she was extremely helpful later on with calculations and such...just extremely patronising with it.

oh and lone parents are always on trial. especially if you live in rented accommodation and claim benefit, or work part time and claim tax credits, or any combination of these that you care to imagine! or you could own your property and work full time but then you're neglecting your kids. i've heard it all.

monika11 · 05/04/2007 08:50

why always lone parents on trial?
why they are always like a soft target?
why nothing happens to escaping fathers?
why do single mummies have to feel guilty all the time?

monika11 · 05/04/2007 08:53

life is already difficult for us.

madamez · 05/04/2007 09:11

Nope. Have worked my arse off (generally for low pay) for the best part of 20 years before having DS< am still working (self-employed and again v low pay) but need tax credits and HB so we don't starve.
It is the one big social problem that's the elephant in the room. Children need to be cared for by an adult and that adult needs an income. Housing costs are high and wages for quite a substantial number of people are low.
SO whether or not you're single, the job of looking after DCS is one that merits an income. End of.

expatinscotland · 05/04/2007 09:19

'why nothing happens to escaping fathers? '

That is my thought every time I hear someone carrying on about single mothers.

And some guy skates away w/o so much as a backwards glance.

NuttyMuffins · 05/04/2007 21:27

My last letter from the benefits people was to inform me that from now on I would have to attend a lone parent review every 6mths instead of 12.

Right well, I have been split from xp for 13mths and I have already attended 3 lone parent reviews so how does that work then ??

Each and every one has been a waste of time, effort and money, theirs and mine.

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