Co parenting

[Louw12345]

I know co parenting can work providing both parents are on the same page regarding the wellbeing of their children.

However, what if that's not the case and one has stricter rules than the other.

Example
At the weekend my 13th daughter has to be in at 10 (which I still think is late) and if she comes In late that amount of time is taken off the next day.

Her dad let's her stay out till late the latest has been 12am (due to a party she didn't even go to and she was on a bloody park).

Back ground : she has ran away alot 3 or 4 times I'm starting to believe this is coz she has been drinking (she does drink this is a fact) and wanted to stay out later than 10pm. She knows I don't want her drinking

However, dad is fine with her drinking.

A weekend she was ment to be with she asked her dad if she could stay there with 2 friends he let her stay out till 11.30pm sat night. Which I flagged my concerns with him straight away and got no reply.

She had been drinking with her friends about 30 of them, on a park in the middle of no where and 1 of her friends (who was ment to be staying at his too) fell and banged her head (drunk) and was taken to hospital.

My concerns are for my daughters safety. When I asked him if she was drunk to his reply was yes but she did well to look after everyone

It's his weekend soon and I'm so worried she will be out walking the streets till god knows what time.

Any advice will be great

God that sounds tough. Sorry I don't have much advice but didn't want to read and run!

I remember being 14/15 and spending lots of weekends at my friends dads as he had her every other week and just used to buy us a bottle of vodka and bugger off to the pub!! I honestly think our mums had no idea or there'd have been all sorts of bother.

It's a tricky enough age as it is without all the mixed messages. Must be so hard to find a balance between not wanting her to be out alone and vulnerable but having to trust her to begin to take responsibility for herself. I guess you could try explaining to the dad that you both need to agree on a consistent rule but tbh from what you've said it doesn't sound promising.

Any way to incentivise her being home on time no matter where she is?! Aka bribery?!

Good luck however you approach it x

I was once a teenager I know they like to push their mums buttons and get away with things.
I know she can also be sensible, but I feel like my rules are are not taken in to account by her dad. It loOKs like he wants to be her friend and not have the responsibility as a dad.
No she had an iPhone (off her dad) I use that alot to bribe her I taken her last phine off her alot but it wasn't good so she didn't really mind and this phone is the best thing ever haha.

I have tired to talk to her dad but he's very much like kids will be kids which I understand but they can still have boundaries and punishment if they cross them.

We have 5 children together and I can only imagine what it will be like when the younger 3 are all teenagers if he carries on with his laid back parenting.

We have a support worker for this child who has asked a social worker to work beside her. (Due to all the children suffering with access with dad). She wanted to help all the children and said she will set a meeting up with dad to discuss the kids probless etc.

I would like to hope it will work but you never know

It's such a cop out to go the friends rather than parent route!! He needs to grow up. Hope the SW can help, probably a good thing to have someone else on your side.

I remember being a nightmare when I was a teenager (positively angelic by today's standards tho!!) - lots of drinking and lying to my parents- I would say the thing I learned from it was that I want to be approachable as a parent, I'd be so sad if my son didn't tell me what he'd been up to for fear of judgement/punishment but we're a long way off all that thankfully.

Good luck and hope the meeting goes well x

I hope so to but only time will tell.
My older girls and I have an open relationship we can talk about loads of stuff.

I tried a different route with my daughter and told her that I know she drinks I'm not happy about it as her mum I want to protect her and make sure she is safe. I only get mad when she turns her phone off and doesn't come home which is understandable.
Iv asked that if she does drink to do it responsilbily and ensure she is in on time.