Being a mum when sharing custody

[Tingatingatale]

Me and my exh are 18 months in a split. He doesn't have contact with me. We share custody 60/40 (60 with me). I have found the holidays very hard and it has bought me very down.

I barely have contact when te children are with him. If I ring the children do not always want to speak to me as it causes upset or he doesn't not answer the phone.

My kids are 6 and nearly 9. I am their mum and can't just switch that off for 40% of the time. I don't know where they are, when they're hurt, if they're poorly or upset. It's like I have no rights anymore. They go on U.K. Holidays and I know nothing until by chance I speak to them. My exh sees it that when they are with him I have no right to know anything.

Is this right? Do s anyone have any experience of this please?

Thank you

Could you and ex agree in advance when you can call?

I can see why it's hard but I can also see how your ex wants to get on with parenting and that you getting in touch may be bit disruptive and undermining.

Perhaps try to plan nice things for yourself when they are away to take your mind off it.

Your X may feel the same for the other 60%.

If discussing it is difficult perhaps you could (jointly, ideally) get them a shared camera and encourage them to take pictures while doing things. It might remind them what they did ("er, nothing") and give both parents a way to talk about what they do while with the other parent.