Thoughts on a name...

[agnesnitt]

Hello.

I'm 24 weeks pregnant and already have a four year old by the same father. We are, obviously, no longer together.
I wish to give the unborn child the same surname as my four year old which would mean he or she would have the same name as their father leaving me as the odd one out in the family. I was thinking about getting my own surname changed to that of my daughter.
Can anybody think of any adverse effects this could have?

Thanks in advance.

Agnes

why not change your 4 year olds surname to yours and give the new baby yours too, so you all have the same if they live with you?

Hello Agnes.

I personally wouldn't hurry to do this, but don't have any specific experience of this situation. I'm sure someone who does will be along in a while.

Congratulations btw!

I personally would change their name to mine

A lot of hassle in terms of name changing on bank accounts, passports etc. Wouldn't rush into it either. I am married yet do not use the same last name as by dh or dcs for anything and it has never proved to be an issue so far.

I am loathe to change the surname of my four year old as she is too young to understand. She knows her own name, and she's not yet old enough to make a decision on a name change and I will not make that decision for her. I, however, am in my mid twenties, have no particular affinity with my surname and really couldn't give a flying one, as long as all the relevant paperwork and such works.

Right now it's just thoughts, but it's something I will have to make a decision on before mid June.

thanks for the input so far. This whole being single lark is maddeningly difficult

Agnes

Agnes, if you really want the same name as your children but don't want to change their name, if you don't mind doing it, then do it.

you might even be able to get it done for free, with Legal Aid - otherwise my firm charges £50 plus VAT so its not megabucks

I know you can get it done for about thirty five pounds, and to be fair I would pay that myself. I'd rather not waste Legal Aid on something so trivial when I might need serious help later in life.

Agnes

right.

I don't know your situation, obviously. Just wnated to help

Situation is a mess grin

I'm just one of these random people who likes to save up their needs for stuff in the vain (and probably misguided) hope that if she doesn't screw with the system too much it'll help her when she truly needs it.

I'm having a mental day, got to be loving these baby hormones grin

agnes

Thoughts were appreciated MamaG Thanks :D

agnes

I'm in the same position, baby due 24/7/07 and I have a 2.5 year old daughter. Husband has just left me in the past 7 weeks.

I too was confused re the name issue, especially as I'm having a boy now (whole name thing)

I saw a solicitor who's advised that I can't change my daughters name without my husbands agreement (he's refusing to - as would I if I were him) Spoke to the registrar of births, who says as long as my name is changed before i register my baby's name then I can give it either my name or my husbands.

I have changed my name, as I've only been married 3 years and want my own identity back, not least as I'm sure in the future my husband will remarry and I don't want to be sharing a name with his new wife!

Anyway have changed my name by deed poll, you can't get legal aid for a name change according to my solicitor, it cost me £80 + vat (£94) and was as easy as turning up at the solicitors and signing a sheet of paper. Then obvoiusly writing to the relevent people re the change - but tbh that was theraputic.

Anyway my point being..... I want to have the same name as my children, and there is no way I'm registering my new baby with his surname (he gave up that right when he left) but i really don't want my son and I to have different names to my daughter..,... so I'm planning to strike a deal!!! to tell my husband I will double barrel my sons name (my surname-his surname) if he agrees to sign the paperwork to change my daughters to the same surname.

That way we both compromise and share a name with our children, and they can in future relate to both families, plus nobody wants to be known by such a long name, so I plan to 'use' just my surname for everyday things, you can also ask the school and doctor etc etc to use a name that your children are 'known by'

Anyway thought I'd let you in on my plan in case that helps, I kind of feel that everyone wins that way, but if you think of any pit falls to my plan do let me know. I'd be interesting in hearing of your situation and how you are coping.

I gave up a well paid job in October to stay at home with our children, so have gone from a family income of £50k+ to living on income support, a real shock, but am trying to be strong and look forward to this baby as my new start.

Best wishes

Jayney

hi to janey and agness, i started a similar thread a couple of weeks ago, in similar positional though the baby that i have due is not the same father as my dd, no idea where it is but its in lone parents topic, its hard knowing what to do for the best isn't it.
good luck with what ever you decide x