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Original poster

Do I have to include ExH in the decision about schools?

16 replies

namechange987 · 04/09/2017 22:08

Technically we are still married and not yet legally separated, but I need to start looking for schools for DD1 who will start next September. Do I have to involve my H in the decision making? He has them rarely, is not involved in their lives to a great degree, at present he isn't paying for them, he probably hasn't even considered that DD1 will start school next year. To what extent do I have to involve him?

OP posts:
se22mother · 04/09/2017 22:12

In the private sector the father needs to countersign all forms regardless of whether he pays a penny. Not sure re state sector

ForgotwhatIcameinherefor · 04/09/2017 22:23

My DD's "dad" wasn't interested even though I asked him to be involved.
Nobody questioned it.
Once she was in school he exerted his parental power by exercising his right to receive copies of all correspondence... you know, so he could ignore Christmas Plays etc...Sad

shuckleberryfinn · 04/09/2017 22:24

I don't think so. either one of you can enrol a child in a school or deregister them.

Starlight2345 · 05/09/2017 14:16

My ex ( was married so has PR) had no contact with my DS so obviously had no discussions..I applied don't remember what I had to put on the forms but no one ever questioned my exh opinion.

I think the only thing to consider is if he disagrees he can take you to court.Though with his involvement would need a good argument. It may well be worth a in conversation. I am applying to ... school.. if he has issues at least you can have the conversation.

Original poster
namechange987 · 05/09/2017 14:46

I do intend to inform him of the school I'm looking to apply to and the reason/s why as I feel it's the right thing to do, I just wondered if I had to get him to sign anything or if he could hinder the process at all. Hopefully he wouldn't try but who knows.

OP posts:
2wild · 05/09/2017 19:06

When you fill out the forms once you've accepted a place at a school you need to say who has parental responsibility and their details such as address, But I'm sure I didn't need a signature.
You can discuss it with him. But to be honest it's only if he decided to disagree then it would become a problem. If he's like you said not that involved. Just get on with it and make the right choice for you and and your dc then tell him when the time comes. He'd need a really good reason not to agree with your choice.

VioletCharlotte · 05/09/2017 19:08

I don't involve my ex at all. He has no interest in them and rarely has any contact with them. He doesn't have PR.

I would just crack on with it and make your own decisions. It sounds like he's not interested and trying to involve him will just be a headache for you.

Starlight2345 · 05/09/2017 21:55

I never even wrote EX down in terms of PR as I don't have an address for him.

BlackeyedSusan · 06/09/2017 07:09

I rang up mine and shouted at him to get his act together, which he did... but he has a different realtionship with them than yours.

he did not need to sign anything. you apply online and are given a code to get on the website. you need your council tax number. just do not give him the access code as he can change the application at the last minute.

I would email or text him and tell him that it is time to consider which school.

in reality, there is usually little choice anyway. more a case of what you can get into. we were rather limited by location. (catchment school was not good at all for bullying) the nearest school is catholic. (not a chance) so we applied for a couple of coe schools.

Mumteedum · 06/09/2017 07:13

The way I did it was to keep ex informed I was visiting schools and suggested he did same. He didn't bother. He had an opinion during mediation about the school and I stuck to my guns as I do every single drop off and pick up. I also backed off once school started and left it to him to get involved.

73Marie · 06/09/2017 07:45

Both parents have a right to be involved in the child's education. That's a right tho...if your ex isn't bothered to take that right...then yes technically you can enrol on your own. My ex hasn't bothered to ever attend a parents evening (school will do 2 seperarely so u don't have to go together)..school play...meeting with teachers etc. so its easy for me but immensely sad for my DS.
I just tel him when there's a decision to be made, he says he will think about it then noone hears from him again.

I would as a minimum keep your ex informed and wrote in your diary that you have. That way he can never come back and say you deliberately excluded him from decisions.

Zampa · 06/09/2017 07:55

In the private sector the father needs to countersign all forms regardless of whether he pays a penny.

OH hasn't signed any forms for either of the private schools his children attend, which were the choice of their mother. She meets the fees on their entirety but OH gets all correspondence/invitations etc.

During the family court process, OH tried to exert influence over the choice of school to be attended by his eldest, as their Mum had chosen a fee paying school to which he couldn't afford to contribute. As Mum confirmed she would meet all fees the judge stated that he wouldn't intervene in school choice. Therefore, when their youngest recently moved schools, he didn't try to influence choice as again she confirmed she would meet all fees. (This is a genuine case of can't pay rather than won't pay before anyone has a go!).

Mum has kept OH fully informed of the schools to which she's applied and talked through her thought process, which is considerate. However, in reality, OH wouldn't have much of a say if he did disagree with the choice.

megletthesecond · 06/09/2017 17:37

If he doesn't see them regularly and won't be doing any school runs then I wouldn't consult him.

madmolly123 · 07/09/2017 06:33

forgotwhaticameherefor; exactly that. Ex never any interest in school, no sports days, no parent evenings. yet when it was time for secondary school, wanted influence and power and 'his rights'. Its all about control and power.

childmaintenanceserviceinquiry · 08/09/2017 04:12

Zampa - the judges do seem to love a fee paying parent dont they? Like that's the measure of a good school. So I am in your OH position. My DC goes to a school that is not my choice (cant meet needs); my ex pays all fees but I attend every parents evening, fundraiser, meeting to show my DC that I care about their education (despite knowing that they will leave education having had a poorer education than necessary).

Sparklemummyx0x0x · 13/09/2017 22:05

My ex lives about 30mins away but when looking at schools, he didn't bother coming to look around them, just said he trusted my judgment and if I was happy then that's fine. The school was going to be near me not him.
He came to the meetings though but didn't sign anything. Just put his details on there.

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