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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Really scared and lonely

22 replies

AllySev · 02/04/2007 21:28

My partner and I have separated leaving me with a two year old daughter and not a lot else. I have to leave the town I'm living in and all my friends, job etc and move back to be with my parents. I know in the long term it's the right thing to do but right now I feel so scared and so alone. Does anyone have any happy thoughts or advice to help me through? I really don't know how I'm going to manage this - i've never been very good on my own.

OP posts:

Walnutshell · 02/04/2007 21:30

Gosh, major change. You poor thing. Hmm, no similar experience myself, just lots of sympathy - not sure if I'd be too good on my own either. Will you be looking for work?

Original poster

AllySev · 02/04/2007 21:34

Yes will have to I think. It seems impossible right now to find part time hours though. Don't really care what I end up doing although don't want a job that I will dread going to. Things are bad enough!

OP posts:

squeakybub · 02/04/2007 21:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

AllySev · 02/04/2007 21:39

Thankyou so much. It's so nice to feel people believe I can cope even if I don't feel I can right now. I feel in limbo right now as we're trying to sell the house. i can't move 'til it's gone so I can't do anything proactive that might make me feel better. Just a really down day I guess. feel pathetic for not coping.

OP posts:

Harra · 02/04/2007 22:54

Feel for you. I split up with xp in Dec 2006 and am back living with my Mum. It was really hard but like you I know it is the right decision. Take each day at a time for the mo - it does get better. I was (and still am) on mat leave so now have a long commute when I go back to work in June which I know will be hard but I may look for a job nearer once I have updated myself on everything. You will manage and having your family around will help while you have time to grieve over the end of your relationship and get yourself together. Still too early for me to say there is a happy ending - but at least you know you are not the only one in your situation. Hugs to you.

RachelG · 03/04/2007 10:43

I split with my ex when DS was 17 days old. I moved into a rented house, my ex stayed in the house we owned together. I remember crying a lot. I used to carry my little baby bundle around the house, singing to him and sobbing. But I knew it was the right decision, and over the next few weeks it got better, and I was really happy within a pretty short time. I have no regrets, and I'm very happy now.

All the best. You will get better, I promise.

frenchconnection · 03/04/2007 11:50

I also split with my partner when my dd was 2 to move back to my mum's town, though i didnt move into her house. Can you rent somewhere of your own to get a little of your own space?
Dont worry it will all feel strange at first but will probably turn out great in the end.. you will have no regrets once you get used to it all.

GooseyLoosey · 03/04/2007 11:52

Sounds really hard - are there any old friends living near your parent who you can renew an acquaintance with so you don't feel so alone?

Original poster

AllySev · 03/04/2007 19:03

Thanks for all your support. It's nice to know I'm not alone. I do have some old friends at home but none with kids right now. I seem to be crying and feeling terrible half the time and then OK the other. I'm almost sure that things will be OK in my good times but feel so desperate in the others. i worry so much what effect it will have on my dd. How have you guys dealt with it?

OP posts:

frenchconnection · 03/04/2007 19:13

If shes only 2 you will find she adapts really quickly (rather than say, a 7yr old having to change school). Well my dd did and i had no probs whatsoever with her but obviously i was worried a bit to start with.

i also had friends in my old town that didnt have kids but it didnt matter as they were great with my dd and came to see us every day - so it doesnt have to be fellow parents to make you feel cheerful!
(am now splitting with my 2nd partner and have 2 kids age 7 and3 - so even harder than last time for me and my dd i reckon!!)

Original poster

AllySev · 03/04/2007 19:20

Really sorry to hear that frenchconnection! So sad to have to go through it twice! How are you coping?

I know kids go through so much worse than parental separation and she is very loved but I think guilt comes so much as part of the motherhood package that it's impossible to avoid.

OP posts:

Walnutshell · 04/04/2007 11:13

Hi AllySev,

Sorry I left the thread - have been elsewhere for a while - but just wanted to return to say hi and see how you are getting on.

I suppose the emotional ups and downs are part of the healing process so you will get there in the end.

Your dd will be affected by the changes in some way I expect, but I really think you can turn this into a positive thing, showing her how strong you can be. I don't know many parents but several of them are single mums and cope very well and have secure children. The person I would ask most advice from is a single mum who had her now 15yo son at 17 - she is brilliant and he is a real credit to her.

I asked about working before as that can be a step to making new friends. We're relocating very soon so I do understand that one, I'm quite nervous about being new and knowing nobody. Good luck. X

Original poster

AllySev · 04/04/2007 19:03

I'm trying really hard to think positive and I know it is the right decision. I think I'll just have to be proactive when I move and work as hard as I can to make friends and create a support network and to keep myself busy!

I'm really sad that there seem to be so many of us out there! Part of me thought I would be isolated because although my friends with children have been great they all have stable familys and so it's difficult for them to understand and I feel a bit of a pain for whingeing on all the time. Looks like I should be able to get in touch with lots of others in my position - sad but reassuring!

OP posts:

Walnutshell · 04/04/2007 19:14

I don't think you've been whinging. MN will of course be of great support. Hope all goes well for you x

Walnutshell · 04/04/2007 19:15

or even whingeing

melminx · 04/04/2007 20:00

hi alley, sorry to hear about your split but mn is great for support been getting me through. hope your ok?

Original poster

AllySev · 05/04/2007 13:53

I feel so much better having joined MN. It's so nice to get support whenever you need it and to be able to get advice from others who have been in your situation. i think you're all fantastic and thank you all so much.

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melminx · 05/04/2007 15:31

ally your so welcome i really hope it all works out for you x

mylittlestar · 05/04/2007 16:03

ally I've seen your advice on some other threads and you seem so lovely and so caring towards others

I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you but you seem to me like the sort of person who will have no trouble in making new friends and building a new, happier, life for you and your dd

in 6 months you'll be posting saying how happy you are all telling us all the positive things that have happened, i'm sure of it

Original poster

AllySev · 05/04/2007 19:33

I just can't stop saying thank you! In just a few short days I feel like the world is a much better place. My relationship with my XP goes from bad to worse but I now have a support network wherever I go regardless of whether I can find a job etc. I know sitting at home on the computer every night for the rest of my life probably won't be healthy but it's a start!

mylittlestar - thankyou, I've also read some of your posts on other threads and you have some fantastic advice. I wish I'd had your level head over the last couple of years!

Thank God for girls!

OP posts:

melminx · 05/04/2007 19:35

girl power!

Walnutshell · 05/04/2007 20:12

I agree with mylittlestar, and truly best of luck to you allysev. You'll be able to give some really thoughtful and relevant advice to lots of MNers as a result of your experiences - so think of all those who will benefit! (Sorry, I think that might sound a bit crass, you know what I mean!)
See you around on the other threads x

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