Caffacss dos and don'ts

[fuckingroundabout]

Have my caffacss telephone interview coming up and I'm so scared I can't breath :(

What are the best tips for dealing with them?

stay calm. write down everything you want to say so you don't forget. clearly describe the dangers to your children. don't let them fob you off xx

I have no faith whatsoever in Cafcass - I wish I had complained about our caseworker (but was too busy dealing with the grief in our lives she'd caused to be able to).
I guess my top tip would be to speak slowly and calmly so your words don't run away with your emotions.

In my exes head and what he tells everyone is that I stopped contact because he had an affair and left me for this woman so I'm worried that is what he will convince cafcass

Nothing to do with the fact he abused me physically/sexually/emotionally multiple times a week for nearly 4 years

The case workers are experienced and will have seen most situations before. The most important thing is to be completely honest. Don't try and add any spin to put yourself in a more favourable light.

Our case worker was fantastic. She cut through all the emotion and spotted the adult influences on the children.

In our case, I honestly believe that the best decision was made for the children.

My first cafcass phone interview was with a lovely and astute lady who saw right through his bullshit. I had another recently and she was similarly pleasant though I've not had the letter to court yet so not sure whether she has also seen through him.

Just be honest. Definitely write down some points to help you. My first cafcass officer told me I could ring back if there was anything I forgot that she should be aware of. I cried and she was v kind.

It's the luck of the draw who you get but try not to be scared. They'll ask what they want to know so you'll be lead through the interview. You will be able to tell them about the abuse. You'll do fine.

I'm so sorry op. Thank God he did leave you first of all
It sounds from the other posters that maybe I was just unlucky to get the officer I did (makes perfect sense, no change there then ) because mine was completely taken in by his lies. Hook, line and sinker. What evidence do you have to show them? x

I had a very good experience with CAFCASS .. I actaully asked to rearrange so I could talk to her without my DS present ( part from lots I didn't think was either appropriate or age appropriate for my DS to here)

Appointment was made for when he was at school.

I had what was hard evidence...and gave that information.

I also did not make it about me. I made it about concerns for my child.

My court papers Ex had also ticket no on safety issues, drugs, alchohol..I pointed out that he had lied and she did say she was aware there was issues as contact had previously been in a contact centre and that doesn't happen for no reason.

My Ex withdrew before the court case but the report is written and filed.

He got a conditional discharge and restraining order for threats to kill and assault by beating. He was arrested 8 months prior too but I didn't go operate but police heard me beg him to get off me.

I have messages from him of various nature including him egging me on stab him, threatening to set fire to our home with our toddler in, admitting threats on our baby, admitting strangling me and hitting me. I have messages where he acknowledges that our toddler was copying what he was doing and I think in his police statement he admitted how he would tell our toddler to bite me. I have some photographs and separate dates of 44 incidents that I wrote down. There is also a message alluding to the numerous sexual assaults although not directly admitting them.

There is quite a lot of reference to the children being present during these incidents during our messages.

I am also extremely concerned about him coping with her ASD meltdowns as well as the fact he is completely incapable of providing a basic level of care to both of them simultaneously because the only time I allowed him to when together resulted in a kitchen fire from improper supervision.

It's not just me hebwas violent too, I have three discaplinary letters from his job for threatening and violent misconduct as well as death threats towards a neighbour.

He quite clearly has serious unresolved issues.

I know he has a conviction but I don't think it portrays how horrendous or extensive it all was.

This is why I'm so scared, he is charming and sweet and kind until behind closed doors.

Is it worth me mentioning that I have tried to maintain contact between our two and his oldest as well as the wider family but he forbade them from having contact with me.

Never heard the term , enlightenment please!!

And, am so sorry for you all🦋🌹🌺

OP my Cafcass officer was really good and recommended everything to protect me and my son. You shouldn't be encouraging contact between a violent abuser and your children as it totally contradicts your concerns.

Everything you say and do has to be in the interest of your children.

My ex has not been granted contact until he completes a domestic violence course which will take 6m. They are then contemplating allowing him to see my son once per month in a contact centre. I have a non-molestation order as well.

Good luck.

I read it as she has encouraged contact between ops children and their half sibling. (ie her ex's other child)

My Ex has a caution for assault...She did initially say it wasn't relevant..When I queried why as he strangled me with DS in my arms she then said she would request further details.

So don't be afraid to dispute anything that they say.

Please go through their reports with a friend and highlight anything that isn't correct - meet with your solicitor to discuss things you don't agree with. Keep your meetings with cafcass factual so they can't label you as hating the ex and not putting your dc before hatred for exh.
I made my barrister question the senior officer on the final hearing day (passed a note as it was so urgent)
And he admitted on the stand that his entire 4 YEAR CASE was based on info from exh and not an unbiased report. .
I won needless to say as I had been telling the truth and exh had lied. .

Op, if you haven't already then make an index list of every example of evidence you have (if you haven't already) and then try and have it in front of you so no getting flustered trying to find anything or forgetting parts. You have a much stronger case than me as my DD's dad was all emotional, verbal abuse, harassment of me, neglect of DD. I think anything short of hard violence goes where Cafcass concerned.
Going by all other posters, you should be fine. Remember you've done nothing wrong and are not on trial. Deep breaths x

Trying to see if I have other forms of evidence but not sure what sort of things might count?

I’m about to have a Cafcass call - how did yours go op?