Child arrangements - Full hearing - advice, please!

[NooNooMummy]

Posted this in Legal but got no response so trying here:

The court has ordered us to come back for a full hearing about contact arrangement for DC. They confirmed that there are no safeguarding concerns and that the infrequent contact arrangements, offered by exH, are not acceptable. What happens now? Should I get some pro bono representation? What should I put in my Witness Statement? What will CAFCAS do?

Long story short: divorced now, separated a year ago and exH has been totally rubbish about contact with our 3 year old since we separated. He claims to want to b as involved with DC as he was when we were together yet refuses to make himself available and uses every attempt at communication as an opportunity to bombard me with accusations of abuse and preventing him from seeing DC, amongst other lies. He ignores my offers that he can have contact any evening, every other weekend etc etc. Mediation totally failed for us. I've given up trying to communicate with him and he's had little meaningful time with our DC for the last year (just 2 hours contact in almost 8 months even though he lives about a 5 minute walk from us). He's subjected me to all sorts of ridiculous, jaw-dropping things involving police, social services and endless accusations of abuse - it's all just a cruel, head-f**ck with total disregard for the impact on DC. So, I applied to court for an order to clarify things in the vain hope that he would finally step-up or admit that he doesn't want contact. He immediately began emailing me with times that he could have DC ( which I agreed) and started phoning her daily for a few weeks - this has now tailed off but didn't stop him from telling the court that he's been seeing DC frequently and phoning her daily but that he can't commit to more contact because of work....

I just want something frequent, consistent, stable and fair for our daughter and an end to all the nonsense.

I'm not quite clear what you are looking for.
Unfortunately the court can't do anything to stop him being such an arse.
They can make an order in the terms which you have already agreed. Or they can specify regular days/weekends etc, but they can't compel him to turn up if he doesn't want contact ( and they can't make him admit he doesn't want contact).
If you wanted less contact, you could argue that he doesn't turn up for the contact he's got, but that doesn't seem to be what you need.
I suspect the only good thing to come out of it will be specified days for contact, which might reduce the frequency of him speaking to you.
Make sure you have evidence in the form of any emails/text messages printed off, and a record of when he's turned up and when he hasn't. Make it clear that communication needs to be kept to a minimum because of his harrassment of you, and provide evidence of that. Is the mediator going to give a report?
Beyond that, not sure what you can do. There are family lawyers on here who might be of more help, but your chances of pro bono representation are slim to none.

Thank you. Am thinking now that I might splash out on representation. Am accepting that he just doesn't want to contribute to bringing up his daughter and nothing will force him to do so but, at least, I'll save myself from having to question him about that. He can play his games with my representative and I can walk away with a clear conscience, knowing that I tried, that I gave him several chances and with confirmation that he is choosing to let down his daughter. It'll be worth the money to have that. Still shocking that the law in this country doesn't have 50:50 care as the default position...

I completely understand op and was always met with same response as above. Yes, some of us want our DC to have a relationship with their other parent despite what he's done to us!
Sadly he doesn't want an easy resolution, he wants to try and maintain as much control as he can and carry on causing you grief - not a piece of paper telling him what to do.
5 years on the consent order we both signed is trotted out and quoted when he wants to enforce a particular point but ignored the rest of the time. The 2 weeks holiday he gets to take her on every year..? Nothing. No point going back to court for us as pp explains.
I would go there with a draft agreement for contact which I imagine you started with mediator, specify that any cancellations/rearrangements to which you would like by text only, so his phone number can be blocked (in emergency he could text and you could still call back) and one top tip I learned recently is to include clarification about what needs to happen when weekend arrangements clash with Christmas/birthday dates x

Offer him the bare minimum then that's less times he can let her down and less times you can get worked up about his twatism. State clearly Christmases and birthday will be with you as you aren't risking those being a let down for her. I hope he is providing financial support.

Thank you everyone. And no he's not helping financially either (I applied to CMS, he ignored them, declared himself bankrupt and the official receiver is currently paying the arrears diligently which I expect will stop as soon as his bankruptcy is discharged. It's a measly £30/ week anyway... I've always paid for everything which is one of the reasons our marriage ended...) whinge whinge ...

I've been through the family court system and I advise you to be wary about having everything 'set in stone' regarding arrangements for contact.

The reason being, he's already let your dd down and is unreliable. If you do get a child arrangements order, the Court may well make an order for the times that suit you, however, as has been mentioned, HE doesn't have to keep to the order as they can't make him turn up to see his child.

On the other hand YOU will have to make your child available to see your ex on the days and times stated on the order. Your ex can choose to turn up or not, but if you decide that, say for example, your dd wants to see friends or simply doesn't want to see her dad, she will have no choice but to go if her dad decides to take her.

If you refuse for him to take her then you are breaching the order.

Bear in mind that your ex has caused trouble already for you with his accusations and lack of financial support, he's obviously controlling and I believe he will use Court ordered contact to his benefit and they'll be nothing you can do about it.

If I was you I definitely would try and back out before any order is made.
One more thing, the Family Court is (from what I've experienced and heard from others) quite biased towards the fathers rights.

Thanks. I'm happy to make her available.

That's ok, but you don't need a Court order to make her available.
If your ex is as unreliable as you say then, trust me, having everything put in writing will not make him behave better!

My feeling is that he won't adhere to an order properly, but will make sure you do. And you will be the one in trouble if you go against it.

In short, you're setting yourself up if you go ahead with it. Still, its your decision.

Thanks. I appreciate your input.