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Original poster

why is it so easy for men to escape their fathership responsibilities?

24 replies

monika11 · 01/04/2007 16:50

hi everyone,
as guessed i am a lone parent.
and atm i feel like all my blood is sucked by my dc. i have no family around.
we made this child together, how can he escape so easily of his responsibilities?

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Creole · 01/04/2007 17:57

As a good friend use to say, they never carried the baby for 9 months nor go though the pain of child birth. So no firm bond established.

Anyway, am sure a host of reasons that a lot of us will never know.

Welcome by the way.

Creole

Emskilou · 01/04/2007 17:59

Because they (exp/h's that is, not all men in general) are tossers

nightowl · 01/04/2007 18:14

well what you do is this: get up, walk away.

easy...see?

wish i knew the answer. have asked the same question myself MANY times. after a hellish day with dd, i could have dumped her on his doorstep (but you'll be pleased to know i didnt!) don't think we'll ever know the answer to that one unfortunately. oh and hi

gtimama · 01/04/2007 18:30

Because usually they are selfish b'stds. Sometimes it's because they want your life to be as difficult as possible and get pleasure in seeing you struggle. They see taking care of their children as a favour to you and they don't want to do you an favours.

Occasionally they get a pang of guilt and want to see children. Then you have to fit in with their plans and they think their the best father in the world. Sometimes the kids do to cos Dad does fun stuff with them that you can't afford to do.

Sorry I'm ranting, but you hit a nerve as you can see, not that I'm bitter at all!!!

nightowl · 01/04/2007 19:56

exp told me once that "you chose to keep ds and so its up to you to look after him"

gee thanks!

Emskilou · 01/04/2007 19:57

nightowl what a knobby thing to say!!!

nightowl · 01/04/2007 20:12

bah, im used to it. he did and still continues, to say many nobby things

Emskilou · 01/04/2007 20:16

I guess I am lucky in that my exh has f**ked off to the other side of the world so I dont have to hear the knobby things he has to say and example is 'I cant see dd and ds I need to get my head sorted' he hasnt seen dd since July 05 and not met ds yet twat or prehaps his head is really screwed up either way he is a wank stain.

Emskilou · 01/04/2007 20:16

Do I seem bitter??? because I am not

nightowl · 01/04/2007 20:25

tis ok....emskilou. im not bitter either. i never ever have wild fantasies about kidnapping dd's dad, shaving his head (he's so effing vain), tar and feathering him, tied nekkid to a lamppost and getting the biggest, hardest tattoo bloke in the area to paint a lovely word on his brow...

erm honest.

because i am dignified.

and classy.

and i lie terribly

paulaplumpbottom · 01/04/2007 20:26

The government makes it easy

Original poster
monika11 · 01/04/2007 20:29

they make the child with us,
they just escape from that big responsibility-leaving all to us
and they get away with it,
i cant understand that. there is nothing to bind them, why?
i think i am feeling confused atm.

OP posts:
Original poster
monika11 · 01/04/2007 20:31

and after that we are the ones who are carrying all the pain, why?
is it all our fault?

OP posts:
nightowl · 01/04/2007 20:32

ah monika, you will never understand why. how old is your dc?

Original poster
monika11 · 01/04/2007 20:34

hi nightowl, my dc is 6.

OP posts:
nightowl · 01/04/2007 20:54

dd's dad has never met her despite my requests. she's 3 now and no matter how hard i try, there's always a cloud over her birthday. this last one especially as half my family forgot it too. she had four cards!

pirategirl · 01/04/2007 21:07

Hugs everyone, the eternal question.

Basically, they are selfish and gutless, and I consider myself a rounded, tolerant person, who NEVER classed men as being this way til it happened to me.

It hurts dont it, its just crap sometimes.

Emskilou · 01/04/2007 21:52

The only thing that makes me feel better is that I know I can sleep sound at night with my conscience (is that how you spell it??) knowing I am doing the absolute best for my beautiful dc's they, as they should do, come first to me. I doubt that fat, bald ugly mother f**ker of an exh can do the same, I cant wait until the day comes, and it will come, when he wakes up so full of guilt and feeling pathetic and bothers his arse to come to my door to 'work things out,' he is a pathetic little worm.

nightowl · 01/04/2007 21:53

ah not all men though. men sometimes get left with the kids too lets not forget. absent parents though in general, i just dont understand. (even though today i was willing to auction dd off)

pirategirl · 01/04/2007 21:55

yeah, should have conveyed that in my post, I know a couple of single dads, nonme eligible tho!!

I just never thought men could be like this, esp not the lovely one i married lol!

I often wonder if he will wake up one day, with any regret.

Emskilou · 01/04/2007 21:56

Oh no not all men, although I am finding that what has happened to us happens a lot, which is so sad

nightowl · 01/04/2007 22:01

i probably understand dd's dad more than ds's. dd's daddy never wanted her, and buggered off when i wasn't even really showing...so i guess he never really "saw" the reality of it. ds's dad however, i was going to marry, lived with (bought a house with), stuck around until ds was 1 1/2. (ds was planned, is 10 this year) sees him on and off. that, i find harder to get to grips with.

skyatnight · 02/04/2007 22:58

This issue makes me frustrated, sad, angry. I always feel like shit when people ask me whether my dd sees her father (she doesn't) but what control do I have over it? I have done my best to make it easy for him to see her but he's not really interested - keeps saying he wants to see her then changes his mind to wind me up. Fathers have the right to see their children. Many can't be bothered and some mothers make it hard for them to do so but they do have the right. We've heard of instances where family courts make children spend time with their fathers even if the fathers are not good people for them to be around. But children do not have the right to see their fathers because no court or law could enforce it - obviously - the state is not going to send a policeman round to drag a grown man to see his children and it wouldn't be pleasant for the children if they did. What I don't understand is why there isn't more shame attached to men who don't bother with their children. It seems perfectly socially acceptable for men to just move on and forget the children they had in a previous relationship. Who are all these women who are attracted to men who do that - I'd run a mile?! I know I'm just ranting here and stating the bleeding obvious but I just wish there would be less in the media blaming single mothers and more about the tossers who have left them. How about a CSA that actually works and how about an extra shame and punishment levy (say an extra 10%) of maintenance money taken from those fathers who can't be bothered to see their children -compensation for emotional injury to the children. Persistant offenders to be sent to prison (it there's any room left). If I ruled the world..... But I suppose there are single mothers who are quite happy that their exes are out of their and even their children's lives. My life is definitely more pleasant and peaceful without him in it but I hate the fact that my little dd is going to be hurt by his lack of interest as she gets older.

Creole · 03/04/2007 08:58

I think I agree with a name and shame approach, like they do in some parts of america.

Kids have the right to see their dads whether mum or dad agrees and not the other way round.

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