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Ex not cooperating - is a solicitor the next best step?

7 replies

LonelyandLost89 · 27/08/2017 11:55

Apologies for the v long post!

A bit of insight...I work full time and have 2 young children (ages 4 (DS) and 2 (DD) in September). I do shift work between the times of 7.30am and 10pm. My children attend a childminder and DS also attends nursery 5 mornings a week using the 15 free hours. The childminder works from 7am - 7pm (although she gives me leeway when I start at 7.30am, so allows me to drop the kids off at 6.45am)

My ex and I have been co-parenting for the last couple of years. I started the job I'm currently at in Sept 2016. This was a 12 month maternity cover, working part time. Due to the shift work, we had an agreement that he would collect the kids whenever I finish late (at 8pm or 10pm) and bring them to my house. He used to stay over whenever I finished late as he works 5 mins away. At the beginning of the year, my ex and I had a massive argument, which resulted in him refusing to collect the kids whenever I was on a late shift. As I do not have any other help, I had no choice but to leave my job as I could no longer work the late shifts. This was in March. My manager stated that if my circumstances change then she would be more than happy to have me back.

I was out of work for 6 weeks and as the department was so short staffed and I needed money, I asked if I could come back and they agreed but stated if I wanted to come back part time then it would have to be on a temporary contract as they could not allow me to work normal office hours permanently and that were already advertising for my position. They also stated that if I wanted to continue with the maternity cover contract I was doing then I could but it would have to be full time. I declined this as I wanted to work part time.

I started back in April 2017 and the temp contract was due to finish in June. As I was worried about being out of work again come June, I stated that I would like to work full time as I need stability. Due to the basis of why I had to leave in the first place, I had a trial in May working full time, and working all the shifts. This went well and my ex started co-operating with me again, so I was offered the remainder of the maternity leave contract on a full time basis. This was due to end in September but has now been extended to March 2018 - although the lady on mat leave is coming back in Sept. I told my ex that he could stay over whenever I finished late, but he declined.

So fast forward to now...there are 2 late shifts (12pm-8pm and 2pm-10pm). I work the 12pm shift probably one week of the month, sometimes not at all in a month. I work 2pm shift every 5/6 weeks. A few days ago, ex stated that he is going to stop collecting the kids in March (when my contract ends) or if I find another job sooner, when I am on a late shift as it's too much for him going back and forth so I will have to look for someone else to collect them when he knows I have no one else (He lives in South London, but works in East London - 5 mins from my house and 5 min drive/10-15 min walk from childminder). I am fed up with him going back on his word, which will affect my life, which will then also affect my children's lives.

I refuse to leave my job again especially as I can not afford to so I have made an appointment with solicitor for some advice but I don't know if this is the next best cause of action? WWYD?

OP posts:
Sarikiz · 27/08/2017 12:12

Unfortunately agreements on access not ratified through mediation or a court often breakdown.
You need legal advice to set in place more structured access and support. Usually this starts in the form of mediation where both parties arrive at a legal and binding agreement. If mediation does not work you then must go through the family court.

LonelyandLost89 · 27/08/2017 12:25

Thank you for replying. I was reading up on Family Law and I did read that mediation would most likely be the next step as a Court would refuse your case if you had not been to or at least attempted mediation first.

Do you happen to know what would happen if my ex refused mediation as I have a feeling this will happen?

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AnnettePrice · 27/08/2017 18:43

If you are the petitioner you have to try mediation 1st. Which means going to a miams assessment. Then your ex is asked to do mediation, they can refuse if they want.
If that happens then it is court next.

1 big issue for you, court for a child arrangement order only really works for the NRP wanting more access. As this can be enforced. But you can't make someone do parenting if they don't want to so I can't see it working for you the RP.

There are 24 hr nurseries in London. Would this remove your ex's ability to impact your work situation?

Hopefully as you work there longer you will be able to change your work set up so 24 hr nursery wouldn't have to be a permanent solution.

LonelyandLost89 · 27/08/2017 19:42

Thank you for your advice.

I have just researched 24 hr nurseries in London and there is only one which is based in South London, and I work in the City and live in East London so unfortunately that will not work for me.

OP posts:
endofthelinefinally · 27/08/2017 19:46

Do you have room for an au pair?
My friend used au pairs for years after her husband left her.

Lonecatwithkitten · 28/08/2017 07:51

Unfortunately I would be looking for a solution that does not involve your Ex, au pair or member of nursery staff/nanny who stays over the one night that you need.

LonelyandLost89 · 28/08/2017 08:45

I do not have room for an au pair as I live in a 2 bedroom apartment, so I don't think that would be an option right now. Preferably, I would not want my ex involved but as I have no one else available to help, I do not see much more of an option.

OP posts:
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