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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Child maintenance boarding school

13 replies

Lavenderlover · 24/08/2017 18:26

Hi,
Single parent, my son has won a scholarship to a sixth form school where he will be boarding full time as its 5 hours travel away.
Ex husband has said that he will pay half maintenance money direct to son and will save the rest for him in an account which I find highly unlikely and I told him to carry on paying me direct but he refused.
It's an informal agreement but he should be paying a lot more and tbh I'm fuming with this. Any ideas?? Thanks

OP posts:

2wild · 24/08/2017 21:01

I can see why your fuming.
Maybe write a list of expenses such as school uniform, clothes etc and show him that the maintenance money is not for pocket money or a savings trust.
If not what about the CSA route.

Bibidy · 25/08/2017 12:59

Lavender Will DS be coming back to you for the school holidays? Are you able to afford to stay in your current home without the maintenance money?

If not, then could you tell your ex this and appeal to his sense of reason - his son still needs a home to come back to?

If that's not the case then your ex's plan seems OK to me? There's not much point him paying money to you for DS if DS isn't even there!

Starlight2345 · 25/08/2017 13:10

I think the figures involved here are relevant..

DC is not living at home anymore.. Are you splitting holidays.. What about uniform..

I assume you would send money to him anyway..

Assuming he is 16 you do need to be making steps towards independent living without maintenance.Can I say though you discuss paying for school trips etc combined.

Gruach · 25/08/2017 13:17

Lavender I'm sure you've checked all this - but full boarding is quite likely to mean that he will be at home at the very least every three weeks or so. (Or staying with friends, other family.)

(A child at boarding school is very definitely living at home!)

So your/travel costs are likely to be quite significant.

titchy · 25/08/2017 13:19

DC is not living at home anymore

Of course he is! He maybe boarding during term time but to all intents and purposes his home is his home, not school. Will school be claiming his child benefit because he is resident there? Of course not.

OP tell his father he either carries on as is, or you got throuogh CMS and he'll have to pay more. His choice.

The time for more independent finances is when he's at university not sixth form.

Bibidy · 25/08/2017 13:54

I do agree that DS still lives at home, but most of his day-to-day living expense will be covered by the school (food, electric, heat) whilst he's there.

For things that he actually needs to buy like clothes, school supplies, etc there's surely no reason that his dad can't buy them directly for him rather than via his mum?

Original poster

Lavenderlover · 25/08/2017 19:38

Hi, thanks for the advice.
Spoke to ex earlier, he said he will pay DS half the maintenance as weekly pocket money and will 'save' the rest. I know he's not going to do this as he's always pleading poverty even though he has a well paid job. I've asked him to go half on the uniform which is horrendously expensive but he refused point blank.
If he gave all the maintenance to DS I probably would be OK with that as it would give him some financial independence before he goes off to uni but he is adamant that he will save half.
I'm so stressed out!!!!!!

OP posts:

Original poster

Lavenderlover · 25/08/2017 19:41

I have also checked with CHB who said that DS is still classed as living at home for their purposes. Holidays etc he will be coming here as his dad has no room (flashy apartment) so he never stays there anyway.

OP posts:

Farahilda · 25/08/2017 19:42

Who chose the school, does the scholarship have any cash attached at all (so many don't these days) and what is the agreement for paying the rest of the fees?

PotteringAlong · 25/08/2017 19:49

If it's an informal arrangement then go to CMS?

Original poster

Lavenderlover · 25/08/2017 20:00

My son chose the school after being encouraged by his school head. I have to pay around 1200 per term towards it as its not a full scholarship so when he goes I am trying to get a second job to help with money. XH not helping out.
I'm not reliant as such on the CM it's just annoyed me that XH is trying to wiggle out of paying for our DS.

OP posts:

Original poster

Lavenderlover · 25/08/2017 20:02

Think I may speak to CMS to see what options are available. Wish I would have done that when we divorced

OP posts:

Starlight2345 · 25/08/2017 23:18

If you are paying 1200 a term fee's then of course he should put maintenance into the pot.. esp as he doesn't stay with dad at all. I saw something completely different in my head. but then my DS is in primary so assumed scolarship meant fees paid. My Ex also wanted to set up a trust fund for my DS when he was 3 ..I told him he could but he was still liable to support his child..I get to determine how it is spent.

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