Did you choose to be a single parent?

[surelyimnotalone]

Question says it all really.

I recognise and understand the various reasons why people end up becoming lone/single parents. I wanted to know whether anyone has decided to become a parent due to worrying about leaving it too late, not finding a partner in good time or actually just not wanting a relationship.

I have made the decision to become a parent and I used a sperm donor. I know many people will say this is completely wrong, but I really feel that this is the best time for me to get cracking. Thankfully I have become pregnant after my second cycle trying. I just want to know if other people are in the same position as me. My decision has made me feel a bit lonely in my thoughts at times. I have no regrets however as i have a huge loving family, a nice place to live and lots of love to give.

There is no one size fits all to a family. I had a friend who did what you did and I also have friends in a very loving lesbian relationship who have also each used a sperm donor to create a family of four.

Willing to bet money on there being lots of women like you out there, maybe there's even a forum of them so you can share what's going on for you with women experiencing it too!

Well done for doing it and I'm sure you'll make a superb family unit.

Yeah I have had a look to see if there are forums like this (UK based), but none of them quite seem to fit what I'm looking for. I guess I could start my own.

Well done for doing it and I'm sure you'll make a superb family unit. Thank you

I'm currently snuggling with my beautiful 10 day old baby that I chose to have alone. I had IVF with donor sperm.

I did lots of research before making the decision as wasn't sure it it was fair to bring a child into the world without a father but there is evidence to show that children in single parent by choice families can be just as secure and happy as those in two parent families - it's all about the parenting, love and security they are raised with. There are sadly many children that have two parents but the homes are broken, and that is more damaging to the child than only having one loving parent.

I won't lie, if has been incredibly tough and lonely at times however I think a lot of the emotions i am feeling are quite typical of all new mothers. I feel it at most in the middle of night if baby won't settle and I've got no one to make me a cup of tea or comfort baby while I go the loo (so I just have to be super quick and let baby cry!) but this part of it is not forever.

I chose to go it alone as I am in my mid thirties and not met anyone i wanted children with. I didn't want to risk leaving it any longer.

There are some good Facebook groups - search for 'single mothers by choice' to find them.

Good luck!

Congratulations panda and surely. I am a single parent, though I didn't intend it that way originally. But it is better for my child and I, and I have been single her whole life. If my financial circumstances were different, I would have had IVF when my firstborn was about 3 or 4. I had absolutely made my mind up and am thrilled for you ladies that you've taken the decision to be mummies. I have a friend who had two babies, both from the same donor who shared lots of her journey with me and it's wonderful for her.
My child is quite a lot older now and I think I have accepted it's probably past the right time to put a new baby into our lives. I'm thrilled for you all that you've gone for it! Good luck xxx

Congrats @Panda81 From the sounds of it you made the right choice for you. How did others react when you told them? If at all you did. I'm not sure I will.

I don't have Facebook, but it's defo great to know I'm not alone.

I spoke to close friends and family as part of the decision making process as it was important for me to have their support, and everyone has been great and said they thought I should do it.

Once I was pregnant, I was quite open about it as I didn't want people assuming I'd had one night stand/fling. I'd rather them know I've made this choice. Again most people have been brilliant, some more inquisitive than others but I'm not ashamed of my choice so I am very open about it.

Congrats, Surely. I became a (single) Mum through international adoption in my mid 40s. My DC was an infant and is now 5. It is wonderful and it is hard. When the going gets really tough I remember how much I pined and longed to be a mummy. And when I find myself pining and longing for a partner, I remind myself that marriage is not a fairy tale. I work full time and have found that the wheels only ever come off when my child care falls apart for whatever reason. We are a loving, bonded, happy little family unit. Wish you & your little one well.

Congratulations surely and Panda.

I had IVF using donor sperm and have a brilliant, beautiful 4 yr old as a result of it.

I never felt particularly broody and was very happy being single and then suddenly decided (aged 39) that I might quite want a baby after all. For me, single parenting is definitely the best choice.

I did think lots about the impact being donor conceived might have on a child, and like Panda I did a lot of reading and research into it and feel perfectly happy that my son won't be negatively impacted by how he was conceived. Obviously, the more loving people in a child's life the better, but that doesn't have to include a Dad...grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, etc. can all play a role.

Hope you have a lovely pregnancy.

I had my 10mnth DD by DI, best thing I ever did. I was 36 with a failed marriage and was desperate to have a baby, decided to just get on with it.

Lone parenting was not a choice for me. I hate it. Its so lonely. I absolutely adore my son ...but no never would i have done it alone had I a choice.

My DS has additional needs so I guess that makes it harder, everything is very tough. Financially and emotionally.

I really admire anyone who chooses to raise a child on their own. . . There's no one right or wrong way to parent as long as there is love. Noone has the right to judge you on how your child is conceived. It makes no odds ...a child is a child and all families are unique.

Good luck on your journey x

yes, I chose it too. I love it, never had a moment of regret

I had IUI at a clinic using donor sperm, resulting in my baby girl who is just about to turn 4 months old. I haven't had a single moment of regret

How far along are you?

I've met with very little negativity about what I've done. The support of my family and friends through my pregnancy and the first few weeks of baby's life has been brilliant.

i made the same choice as you and my DS is now 7 - its hard work but so is any parenting. you will find your "mum" friends once the baby arrives (and thats not usually coupley) and school etc.

Everyones experience of pregnancy and parenthood is unique so try to enjoy it and not focus on the differences

All the best

Single parent by choice here. I conceived my son via donor sperm, he's 18months now and is the light of my life.

One piece of advice - as much as you're expecting things to be tough, it'll probably be much harder at times. It can be overwhelming and lonely and just relentless. However it's all totally worth it, and from speaking to non single parents, I really don't think it's that much worse; just that the issues are different in different situations.

What's your support circle like? Do you have many people around you?

@INeedNewShoes I'm heading towards 8 weeks, so it's still very early days.

@BlueKarou Yep I'm very thankful to have supportive family and also lots of friends who are happy for me too.

Ultimately it's been my choice, and i really feel that this has come at the right time for me. Really good to know that other people have done this too, makes it feel slightly less daunting.