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Lone parents

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Original poster

How much is a reasonable amount for DC to go to non resident parent.

24 replies

Mum2oneds · 12/08/2017 21:17

A query for my Bro. His ex works FT. Her choice as could do PT. So obviously wants to have time at weekends with thr DC. Understandably
However she only let's him. Have the DC exactly 24hrs per fortnight.. 1 overnight. So 5pm Fri to 5pm Saturday that's it. Which isn't much. When it suited her to save childcare costs. It was once a week. Child is now at school then goes to grandparents till 7pm Mon to Fri. Except when Bro picks Child up from the grandparents at 5pm everyother week.
He's told her it's not enough and would like every other Fri to Sunday so they equally get. Whole weekend for quality time. Also 1 week in summer and Easter holidays and alternative Xmas and boxing day.

Is this a reasonable amount.. I think it is but maybe I'm. Wrong

So currently 5pm Fri to 5pm Saturday once a fortnight .. No holidays etc

Would like 5pm fri to 5pm sun.. Once a fortnight. 1 week summer and 1 week Easter holidays. Alternative Xmas and boxing day.

OP posts:
BubblesBuddy · 12/08/2017 21:25

I think it would depend what the child does at weekends and whether it would upset other arrangements. I think what you suggest could be reasonable but you don't say how old the DC are. Quality time for your brother may not be quality time for the children. How about trying one weekend in three? I would say a holiday would be reasonable, especially over the summer.

Original poster
Mum2oneds · 12/08/2017 21:29

The one weekend in three wouldn't work due to work.. Child is 6. Doesn't do anything with the mum at weekends. Maybe cinema or play centre. But no set thing..

OP posts:
Zampa · 12/08/2017 21:29

DH recently went to court to get contact with his children. He was granted every other weekend, one evening every other week and 4 weeks holiday a year (1 week over Easter and Christmas holidays and 2 weeks over the summer). His DC are 7 and 10.

Zampa · 12/08/2017 21:31

(And weekend contact is Friday after school to Monday before school).

Original poster
Mum2oneds · 12/08/2017 21:32

That's a positive outcome well done to your dh x

OP posts:
Bosabosa · 12/08/2017 21:33

No way near enough time. My DH sees his kids one week night overnight and every other weekend Friday-Sunday pm
Important to build a relationship and 24 hours once a fortnight isn't enough IME

dertyyuoih2 · 12/08/2017 21:35

I think it would depend on earnings and the expected cost of living for his DD. Half of everything is a good place to start, for example estimate the clubs she does / any childcare / then an amount for clothes etc each month. This include uniform etc.

Original poster
Mum2oneds · 12/08/2017 21:36

He wouldn't be able to do a week night due to work Altho his dw could take the child to school the ex wouldn't agree she'd have a shit fit. Even tho he's been with her two yrs and she's always done right by the child the ex won't allow anything like that

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 12/08/2017 21:37

I agree that it isn't enough. He should take his ex to court if she is being difficult. This is so unfair.

Original poster
Mum2oneds · 12/08/2017 21:38

Why would it depend on earnings he pays maintenance. Has stuff at his for the child at his and helps with additional stuff if thr ex asks

OP posts:
Original poster
Mum2oneds · 12/08/2017 21:39

Yeah he's just attend a miam thing and has the forms but didn't want to be laughed out of court if he was asking too much. Iyswim

OP posts:
nicenewdusters · 12/08/2017 21:42

Definitely not enough. My ex has our dc twice during the week, one is a sleepover, sometimes the other is as well. We share weekends, he has them Sundays with a sleepover. He also takes them on holiday.

We stick to the above so that the dc have a good routine. However this can be altered/added to, depending on changing needs (ours and the dc).

dertyyuoih2 · 12/08/2017 21:48

Oh sorry I totally misunderstood I thought you asked how much is a reasonable amount to pay 🙈🙈🙈 my post totally makes no sense!!

I whole heartedly think that 50:50 is the best way.. if not poissble.... Every other weekend, the week he doesn't have her then two nights during the week for sleeping over.
Apols for my rubbish reading!!!

Original poster
Mum2oneds · 12/08/2017 21:55

That's OK lol. I'm easily confused.
Like I say he wouldn't be able to do weekdays only when he has annual leave. OK thanks. I'll let him know and hopefully the court will agree. . Xx

OP posts:
eyebrowsonfleek · 17/08/2017 14:23

My ex has 24 hours a fortnight, 2weeks summer and every Xmas 3pm to 28th and that's not enough imo. If bank holiday is his weekend then he has Sunday night too. 💩

If your brother went to court, he could get a longer weekend, a mid-week overnight and half school holidays.

I think that it's a bit mean to add the bit about the ex having a choice to work PT but picking FT. If a dad did that then people would be using words like lazy and scrounged.

snef · 17/08/2017 14:39

I think go to court. I'd be upset if dd only saw her dad that little. Also don't judge those who work FT, if I went PT my career prospects would dwindle quite suddenly. I try to keep my career so as dd gets older j can provide her with the things I wouldn't be able to if my career did dwindle or plateau at my current level. It's very difficult and not a choice taken lightly nor without thinking for the best interests of the child.

PotteringAlong · 17/08/2017 14:56

Like I say he wouldn't be able to do weekdays only when he has annual leave.

You see, to me that's not how it works. His ex can't say she only wants them when she has annual leave. She pays for childcare. He needs an arrangement that's fixed every week and if he's at work for that then he either changes his work or arranges childcare.

Starlight2345 · 17/08/2017 15:11

Mediation is the first step before court...I think what she could and couldn't work aren't relevant. He works full time what shouldn't she.. however EOW seems reasonable.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 17/08/2017 15:18

That is absolutely no where near enough.

heidiwine · 17/08/2017 15:18

Firstly what's reasonable also depends on what's right for the child.
I would say as a bare minimum at that age (assuming both parents are not too far away):
One overnight night a week during the week (pick up from school/grandparents and drop off the next morning)
Every other weekend Friday night to Sunday night/Monday morning
OR every weekend Friday night or Saturday night (this worked for my DPs children when they were younger)
Half the holidays
Alternate Christmases and birthdays

Sounds like your DB needs a contact order.

Changedmename1234 · 19/08/2017 15:38

How lovely to not be able to have your kids unless you have annual leave. They can be very inconvenient to fit around a working day can't they? Best to just have them at weekends, much easier than trying to manage a ft job with school runs, bedtimes, homework, baths, meals etc.

NotTheOriginalGreen · 19/08/2017 15:45

Except OP said that he can't have them during the week as the ex doesn't want his DW doing school drop off. A court would likely say differently

OrphanAccount · 19/08/2017 15:47

he wouldn't be able to do weekdays only when he has annual leave.

Why can't he arrange a childminder/school breakfast club like other working parents?

eyebrowsonfleek · 19/08/2017 18:13

With his ex also working full-time that's a no-brainer imo.

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