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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

Completely lone parent - loneliness

21 replies

Missythecat · 12/08/2017 17:18

How do all of you deal with?

For background, I'm a complete lone parent. No family bar my grandma who is very old and lovely but can't help out in any childcare way. Limited friends. Work full time. My son hates having to go to full time holiday club/ASC but I have to work full time to pay the bills.

My wage barely covers the expenses. His father lives other side of the country and refuses to have him. Contributes nothing financially.

My life is work, home, work, home. Can't afford regular babysitter. I never go out. Will be single forever.

Never manage playdates or meeting other mums because of full time work. Sad for the life my son is living. Feels like we are just existing.

I love my son dearly. He's amazing but sometimes the sheer fucking drudgery gets me down.

I don't know. Just struggling tonight.

OP posts:
Toriamayrose · 12/08/2017 17:44

Oh sounds like u need a little mix up love Smile, fellow lone parent of two here & I don't often feel like this but when I do we got something i like to call our pick a mix, where we made a box decorated it & put lots of activities on scrammbled up pieces of paper, eg make a cake, painting, make overs, pop out for ice cream, go bug collecting, take a walk up mountain, visit the beach, swimming, have a BBQ, visit local farm etc nothing to do expensive or time consuming but things we all enjoy & whenever I'm feeling like life is just going by day to day my girls each get to pick a piece of paper & whatever is on there we do them two things over that weekend, we all love it & nice lil change for the girls & normally helps me get the spring back in my step Smile

Original poster
Missythecat · 12/08/2017 17:45

We do stuff like that. Been treetops climbing. Made cakes. But it feels a bit empty

OP posts:
OverlyYappy · 12/08/2017 18:05

I'm alone. I think it gets worse as they get older. I have a 17 yr old and a 13 year old and we just pass each other by in the stairs, they have meals in their rooms (which is stopping after hold).

I'm lucky in that if I want communication I can go to my parents. My brothers live nearby too but I cut myself off a lot from them and embrace the silence.

I also have my neighbours who I like and can have a chat with.

Do you have people at work you could go out with?

OverlyYappy · 12/08/2017 18:06

Hold = hols

gilmoregirl · 12/08/2017 18:09

I know what you mean, sometimes it does get you down, doesn't it?

How old is your son? As he gets older he will get invited to more stuff as when they are Young it tends to be more parent driven which it is easy to feel excluded from when you work full time. Also tough being on your own at weekends as that's when everyone is doing family time!

I am a single parent of one DS and have just got my ten year chip Grin and feel like you do now sometimes so know what its like. Even if you keep busy it still gets to you sometimes ...

gilmoregirl · 12/08/2017 18:11

Ah good point about when they get even older and don't want to even hang out with you! We are getting to that stage now.

grobagsforever · 12/08/2017 18:14

OP you need a plan. Here are my suggestions. I am also completely alone due to being widowed. Kids are now 3 and 7.

  1. Ask the 'limited friends' round for a dinners party Saturday night. Get them all to bring other friends.

  2. Can you do any sleepover swaps to earn childcare favours? I have six kids here tonight! But now two families owe me sleepovers

  3. Save up for a babysitter once a month. A trusted teen is your cheapest option. You must have something you can cut back on?

  4. On weekend days out, talk to other lone parents. We're not hard to spot!

  5. singlewithkids do some very cheap single patients holidays on which you can make friends

  6. Ask DS who is best mate at school is and invite whole family over for lunch

  7. Join gingerbread and meetup both hold single parent events at weekends

OP I know how hard it is. But you must do at least some of the above. Life is extremely short and you can dig yourself out of this.

Pollyann12 · 12/08/2017 18:15

How old is your ds?

Original poster
Missythecat · 12/08/2017 18:53

Thank you everyone. I know I need to tunnel out of this situation. Just so hard when you do absolutely everything by yourself.

Some great suggestions here. Just wish I had some childfree time! Which makes me feel guilty. Flowers to everyone who lone parents. It's a killer

OP posts:
Original poster
Missythecat · 12/08/2017 18:54

My DS is 5 so definitely the age where I need to be with him constantly

OP posts:
chocatoo · 12/08/2017 19:19

Try and flush out a mate or two who are in a similar position so you can do stuff together - makes a big difference. Maybe try and chat to some of the other parents who pick up from holiday care? I think part of the trick is finding a way of letting people know you would be interested in socialising - having a kid makes it easier as you can fairly blatantly say stuff like 'are there any other single Mums and kids who fancy getting together at the park for an hour this weekend (maybe with a picnic?)?'. When I first relocated we went to a regular kids activity and on a week it wasn't going to be on, I took a huge brave pill and handed out little slips of paper to everyone to invite them for a cuppa at mine instead (was desperate for adult contact!). Years later am really close with one Mum who couldn't make that date but then invited us for a coffee a couple of weeks later...i.e. I had identified myself as being interested in making contacts and she had picked up on that. Good luck.

DarthMaiden · 12/08/2017 20:09

I'm not a lone parent, but I have a friend who is.

We met at the school gates - sons were friends in the same class.

The father had left when she was pregnant. No family support. When I met her she was (after 5 years of lone parenting) on her knees. Not that I knew that straight away - she was (and still is) very proud and discrete.

Over time we became friends and she opened up. I was (and DH) very happy to help out. Often just small things like fixing a bike, sleepovers to give her time off etc all of which worked in our favour wrt out son also anyway. Some bigger things like holidays etc - but all to the good.

It's really been no imposition on me, but it's made a big difference for her, so she tells me.

It's really hard, but there are probably many other "me's" out there, now he's 5 and at school, don't discount the support you might get from other mothers who might not be lone parents, but understand you need some time off parenting Flowers

Melabela10 · 12/08/2017 20:16

OP do you have play dates on Saturday in toast local area in libraries/ churches ?
Local NCT group ?
Or you may want to try some online tools like mush or peanut (called mums tinder stuff) you can post there and see if there are any mums in your area whom you can meet.
You can also see if there are any single mums ?
If you make friends with one or two local single mums you can always chip in for for nanny for couple of hours ?
Please stay strong, being single parent areint easy, sending hugs your way...

Bubble247 · 12/08/2017 21:34

Hi, I completely get you. I'm a lone parent too - I've two children and one with special needs. Really struggle to meet up with anyone, even family as my son's complex needs make it impossible to initiate conversation. I don't socialise at all and my only break is a few hours each month when he gets some desperately needed respite care.
We had a lovely train ride today ( only two stops!) but it was a big step for me and him to do something so spontaneous Smile

pineappleeyes · 12/08/2017 23:01

I'm.with you missy. I'm a lp to two dc ages 5 and 10. I don't have a life of my own. I work and parent. That's it. My parents are retired and not much help so it's just me and my dc. We go out places together but it's draining doing every single thing solo. And mine have very different needs because of their ages. I don't know who I am or what I like anymore. I have forgotten what it feels like to be anything but a parent.

I adore my dc. They are my life. But I do get down and have the odd meltdown.

Whereabouts are you location wise?

Youre not on your own

Original poster
Missythecat · 13/08/2017 20:46

Hiya I'm South West.

Sorry for late reply. Have been going to cinema and doing all the stuff that you need to do..just feel drained at end of each day. Sorry to be so miserable!

Thank you for all your replies. Does make me feel less alone

OP posts:
megletthesecond · 14/08/2017 17:07

It's hard, it's not just you Flowers.

Mine are at an(other) awkward stage. Both junior school and too old to put in a buggy and march out the house, too young to be left so I can do errands in peace but still the perfect age for stubborn tantrums if I ask them to do anything Hmm. They've taken over the garden with their mates so I often just stay in the house pottering and tidying when I'm not at work. And mumsnetting. I do tend to get cabin fever in the summer as I don't even get to chat at the school gates.

Bubble247 · 14/08/2017 22:39

Hi, I feel your pain. It feels good to offload on here though 😀
I find the holidays tough as I like my routine and the days feel so much longer x

MamaBear001 · 15/08/2017 01:42

Hello OP,

It might be worth speaking to your GP incase you have a bout of depression? Your describing the symptoms and I've just been through it - my DD is 16 months and I eventually got diagnosed with PND. The medication has literally changed my life and I'm like "oh right that's how people do this thing called life!!"

You'll get there love... hang tight x

Original poster
Missythecat · 15/08/2017 18:53

Hiya

Yes have been to GP and have been diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. Currently on meds.

OP posts:
OverlyYappy · 16/08/2017 20:40

Glad you're getting help Flowers

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