Joint mediation meeting anxiety

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Have had our individual MIAMs and until recently have exchanged emails over issues such as contact etc. STBXH has always got very angry and uncooperative over rent agreement and pensions sharing...probably because he is crap with money but ultimately just wants out clean break to have a new life with my friend he walked out on us for.
I am trying to do what is right for the children.
He was ( and still is) controlling. I am well prepared for the mediation..but it will be the first time in 4 months since he left we have sat in the same room together and I am worried he will get angry then refuse to agree to things we have already agreed to.
He knows the rent and pensions are our'difficult' issues to resolve and this is why they need to be financial orders or articles of agreement before I return the paperwork for the decree nisi.
Reassuance and guidance needed. I am not wanting to make a.mistake that causes my children to suffer financially. Never had a meeting like this so could use some advice from mnetters who have gone through it before.

Sorry no advice but a hand hold, I'm looking to go to mediation with ex soon and dreading it

Thankyou. I truely dont want to scalp him financially...only to make sure the kids get what they are legally due not a penny more...as he earns 4 x more than I do and his partner earns even more..whilst I am the resident parent on benefits , his contribution helps to maintain some sort of normality for them.

From his actions and behaviour it is clear he feels his new life is more important and his money should be his own and is now beginning to change his attitude now he is settled away from us.
He fought for contact which I reluctantly agreed to..now he doesnt bother and doesnt stick to he agreement about organising and communicating with me...he had initially agreed to pension sharing but now it seems he wants to change that.
He initially made a generous rent offer in place of Paying CM which meant we could stay in our home for a few more years which I agreed to for the kids benefit ( they want to stay here and are in gcse years so better stability) but I am afraid he will lose his temper and withdraw the offer..it comes with conditions which are controlling despite the fact that he has moved on .
I had thought he was better person and that these were real gestures to provide for his family..but experience teaches me he has his own agenda and is likely to try and pull a few changes. I dearly wish this was not the case..but as the scales fall from my eyes ai am beginning to see him and his behaviour for what they really are.mmand the odds are not in my childrens favour.

Keep your key points in front of you
Repeat them calmly
Eg" It is best for the teenagers doing tgeur gcse that they stay in their home "

Just repeat this calmly whenever you get chance to speak
Let him rant and don't respond except to say your line
Let the mediator step in and stop him
Don't respond to personal atracks which distract from the issues

Mediator will see through hopefully

Thankyoucestlavie. I hope so too.

It went better than I thought. Glad the mediator was there ...we made a lot of progress. Fingers crossed he doesnt go back on his word.

Cestlavielife Your advice was really so helpful..and helped me to secure an improved offer...something I never imagined was possible- (that and the skilled mediator lawyer I had suggested from my Solicitor) it made a huge difference to both my expectations ( what I should expect from Stbxh) and to stbxh obligations ( I think he was a little naive and unprepared for the mediation) having one solid point of reference during the whole session made it easy to press on with difficult discussions which could have been lost in an emotional tooing and froing. Your advice has given me a significant strength in that meeting. Thankyou.

Learned thru bitter experience ... glad it helped .

I need to set up a mediation soon for the same reasons and am bricking it due to having a clever charming but controlling ex.

Not sure how to access meditation especially as am working single parent also receiving benefits.

Any suggestions on what to do to access this? Based in south East.

My solicitor gave me a list of mediators and solicitor mediators in the area. Some do legal aid some dont.
Your mediator sends you a whole load of paperwork to fill in which really helped me to focus. Good luck.

Nikitasol...so sorry you are having the same journey. It is hard. Do you have a solicitor acting for you? You get half an hours free legal clinic time. My Solicitor gave me a list of local mediation companies and I emailed them?
I chose solicitor mediators as it costs the same but they have legal as well as mediation skills and can draw up paperwork for you. Your ex needs to agree to mediation. It is, like all legal services, expensive and you have to pay upfront.
£99 for initial meeting with mediator ( individually seen) and £240 each for each subsequent joint mediation session)in this area, but if you are paying and in receipt of benefits you might qualify for legal aid?
Ex and I met in public places with our children to discuss what we wanted, then exchanged dated emails to'argue' the details..arguing with each other for free...that process went over a couple of months then formed the basis for our one and only joint session of mediation as by then it was just the big stuff we hadnt agreed. You get up to two hours and the mediator can advise you on if what you have already agreed will be seen by judge as legal.
I'd email your local law firms and ask if they offer mediation and if they do legal aid( if you are eligible) Yours and ex's solicitors can't handle the mediation, it has to be a third party. I used Berwins Solicitors and a company called Third View.
I was bricking it too..but the mediator was very experienced and kept things really fair when it looked like things were going awry or too far in one persons favour legally..it genuinely was really beneficial and the paperwork for your finances you will already have from having to apply for benefits..but it took a good week to get it all sorted and copied. Good luck.