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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Anyone been to court to see child more

24 replies

Mum2oneds · 06/08/2017 19:11

Long story as short as I can. Dp and his ex split 18m ago, we've been together 17m. His ex didn't want me meeting the child until things were settled so waited three months. Bearing in mind we lived together he just took her out. Which I absolutely agree with. She messed about days and times to see child. It became one day a fortnight. However we request overnight and she said no. Went to mediation and it was agreed m however it's not till late on one eve back the following eve. So no real time... There have been a few instances where child had a party with the mum but we'd made plans and mum kicked off. The same prob has arisen in Sept. So dp has said unfortunately child will have to miss party as child too has a party to go to with us, her mum is saying we'll mediation isn't legal so therefore chold not going to you.. Etc etc. Uses the child as a weapon. Do has tried to go back to mediation but she says she can't for three months... He's just tried to speak to her regarding the party Nd she said take me to court... Which we at e more than happy to do. I already have the forms as was going g to before mediation before we knew mediation had to be attended first..
My question is. Mediation was in Feb.. The case isn't closed so would they be able to sign the forms now? If we filled them in and took them this week.
We also at court want to request either collect Friday till Sunday or sat morning till Sunday. And half all holidays... Alternative Christmas etc. Do u think we'd have much luck

We've always collected and dropped off on time. Always paid maintenance etc so have no black spots against us. Unless she makes stuff up?

OP posts:

iogo · 06/08/2017 19:17

It's not 'we', it's 'he'. He can apply to the court for a contact order but you have nothing to do with it.

For your own sanity, step away and let him deal with this.

Eehbaguhm · 06/08/2017 19:35

Why should you have every weekend? The courts appreciate that BOTH parents deserve down time eg weekends with the child/ren. The mother shouldn't have to be responsible for the day to day drudge of Mon-Fri while dad gets to enjoy the less stressful part of the week!

Original poster

Mum2oneds · 06/08/2017 19:51

I meant every other so he has one. And she has one. Sorry was typing fast lol

OP posts:

Original poster

Mum2oneds · 06/08/2017 19:53

Yeah just re read. It meant stay on the same weekend that he have. I. E fortnightly but for two nights not one. I think that's fair..
Unfortunately I can't step away and have to support him as best I can. Which is why I'm asking for advice. We want this settled by time our dc arrives. Xx

OP posts:

JemIsMyNameNooneElseIsTheSame · 06/08/2017 19:57

You sound like you're only considering what is most convenient and best for you and your DP. Perhaps try considering what is best for the child.

iogo · 06/08/2017 19:59

You can support but honestly, let him do the arranging and running around. I'm saying that as one who's been through it.

Original poster

Mum2oneds · 06/08/2017 20:08

Yes it is what's best for her. I probably didn't put it across properly. The child always is sad to go home. Always says I want to stay longer. As it's a rush to have child back by six. And should likes to visit family as well as do fun things which again is a tie.
I have a DS myself and he goes to his dad's fortnight for two nights.. He is currently abroad for three weeks with his dad. I don't stop any of that as he deserves dad time. Yes i do the everyday stuff, and we only have alternative weekends together but that's life. He deserves to be in both our lives. Just like dps child should have a decent relationship with him. Not just when it suits the mum.
Please don't think I'm coming across that it's all what we want because it's not. We are trying to maintain a good relationship with child and not keep having child used as a weapon against him

OP posts:

Original poster

Mum2oneds · 06/08/2017 20:10

Oh yeah that's what I meant by supporting. The only thing I will do Is collect the court forms this week simply because he's on a course so won't be back till they shut. He will fill in and word etc. He will do all that x I'm. Just trying to get advice for him so he knows where he stands x

OP posts:

Whoknows11 · 06/08/2017 20:28

How old is the child? Is there a reason for 1 overnight stay a fortnight?

Original poster

Mum2oneds · 06/08/2017 20:36

Child is 5. When mediation asked mum why she said because child isn't ready.. Altho obvious child is. The mediation lady then said. I believe it's you who doesn't want to let go of the apron strings. The mum said we'll yeah that's true. So basically I think she can't get over the split due to way she treated dp. But that's another story. He's now happy with me. I've opened up my home to him and Child and she finds that hard.. Which I understand would be at first but it's now been so long she needs to realise Child needs both parents. And put their differences aside. Luckily every contact is made via text and we have them all from day one. Which is good as shows the times she's used child as a weapon, said child Is poorly when wasn't etc etc. The fact she's had four men since March is also very concerning in and out of her house. Which she gloats to do about for some reason??

OP posts:

DaisysStew · 06/08/2017 20:37

Going to court to get contact arrangements sorted sounds like a good idea if your dp and ex are disagreeing. However as far as the party thing goes, when I went to court with my ex we got breaks written into the agreement for this exact scenario (maximum of 8 per year).The judge felt it was unfair for our DS to miss a friends/family members birthday party because it fell on dads contact day - it's essentially penalising the child for having separated parents and may create resentment. So even with court orders there needs to be flexibility to make it workable in the long term.

QuiteLikely5 · 06/08/2017 20:38

You are right in going to court. If you don't think woman will string you around for years.

A good starting point is one night in the week and every other weekend.

Original poster

Mum2oneds · 06/08/2017 20:42

All I'm trying to find out is his chances of either getting two nights a fortnight, or at least earlier collection on the Saturday amen keeping to one night a fortnight
Plus shared school holidays as his works are good at time off. And alternative Christmases, 1 year / boxing day the 2nd yr etc. . To Me that's reasonable as that's what I do with my ex, but I just agreed it none of this court nonsense it's just worked out that from sch age amen fits around mine and exs work.. And if he has to work. DS stays with his wife. Which I don't mind. He occasionally has to work to provide for his son and thats life.
I just can't see why his ex can't be the same.

OP posts:

Original poster

Mum2oneds · 06/08/2017 20:45

Totally get that about the parties, firstly child also has a party to go to with us. Now at a push Child could go to both..and dp said I'll take child but may be ten min late.. She said no she wants to take her even tho he can driver her there and she would have to taxi etc which is her choice but he's offered a scenario and he got shot down.

OP posts:

C0untDucku1a · 06/08/2017 20:46

He left his wife 18 months ago and was living with you at least 14 months ago?? Where did he live in between and what was the contact routine there?

Original poster

Mum2oneds · 06/08/2017 20:54

He was at his mums. He wasn't married He was only allowed her on his work days off. A Mon one week.. Second week a thurs . third a fri and forth a Monday. He had a four week rota. Was made to pick her up at 7am till 8 pm so she had time to get ready pre work and u wind after. He took her to visit family and swimming park etc etc. Then job changed and it was alternative Saturdays.. He offered every but she said no. She wanted happy his job role changed as meant she had to pay more nursery fees. So he simply was her childcare. He moved in with me about 6 weeks after the split however never brought child here or met me for a few months.. He kept the normal routine. Once we'd met and kids. Met we still just did his parents so it wouldn't be a huge change. Then slowly got into a proper routine so Child could adapt easy and wouldn't be hard.

OP posts:

C0untDucku1a · 06/08/2017 21:51

So the kid has never had a routine with him?

I Know it isnt relevant but you moved a man into your house with your child after two weeks?! Or were you the ow?

If it wasnt for your influence, do you think your partner would be going to court for access?

When is your child due? It just all seems so rushed. Do you actually know him?

Original poster

Mum2oneds · 06/08/2017 22:03

I have known him for over 7years and most certainly wasn't the other woman. I said 6 weeks not two! Yes I do know him very well we worked together for many years too. And he was the one who suggested court. Not me as I said try keep at the mediation agreement. However she thinks she still has a hold in some way and he's sick of it. . Routine is due to her. He has always tried and he has every text and mediation notes to prove it.

OP posts:

Original poster

Mum2oneds · 06/08/2017 22:06

The staying over routine has be en in place for 6m so far albeit the hassle she gives.

OP posts:

C0untDucku1a · 06/08/2017 22:12

You said he moved in with you six weeks after the split from his ex and youd been seeing him one month after the the split so two weeks from getting together? Not that 6 weeks is better! I dont understand why youd have a man move in with you and your child after youd been together for such a short amount of time. That is crazy. Especially when youve slagged her off for having four boyfriends.

Your partner needs to see his solicitor. People can say what happened to them but not what will happen eith your Dp. Your dp does need to fight this as the child needs stability.

Whoknows11 · 06/08/2017 22:16

Whats the rush with everything? I'll never understand why couples choose to bring another child into such a such a situation so quickly. Surely the children you have together should be a priority before bringing another into the mix. I would have reservations if overnight contact if I was the mother of your ex's child after the picture you've painted. Young children need to feel secure and that comes with stability and routine.

MadMags · 06/08/2017 22:25

You moved a man into your child's home after six weeks?

This is a Jeremy Kyle episode.

madmolly123 · 08/08/2017 06:39

It always infuriates when a new partner starts taking over the issues surrounding an ex's child. It is not your problem, it is a dispute between him and his ex, let them deal with the situation.

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 09/08/2017 12:18

Bit ironic you've mentioned how many partners she's had since March, yet going by your dates your partner moved in exceptionally quick.

You sound far too invested in this. It's his battle not yours.

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