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Ex lying about income

20 replies

Shazzasp · 27/07/2017 08:39

The CMS have decided to reduce maintenance by £200 a month because HMRC have told them that my ex only earned £19,000 last year. But I explained to them that my ex is lying about his income as he's self employed. Any way after dozens of phone calls to CMS I've got nowhere! So I've told my ex that our son won't be going over this weekend until he confirms that the payment wont change. But he's totally ignored me & instead text our son & told him that I'm being mean & stopping him from seeing him, so I'm the bad parent. I don't know what to do. Do I let him go & just take it on the chin or keep my son at home?

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AllThatIsGoldDoesNotGlitter · 27/07/2017 11:22

Children are not pay-per-view, and you can't withhold access because his CMS has dropped. If your ex took you to court over access, the drop in maintenance would not be considered a valid reason to limit his access. Your son has a right to a relationship with his father, and you will only end up hurting your son in the long run if you do this (plus risk your ex taking you to court). Don't use your child as a pawn in your disputes with your ex.

mychildhasmoremoneythanme · 27/07/2017 11:24

I don't know what's worse to be honest, undeclared income or blackmailing using a child Hmm

Needsomeflapjacks · 27/07/2017 11:25

If you suspect your ex of defrauding hmrc you can report him online for tax evasion and they will investigate. . Can be done anonymously. .
But unfortunately you can't punish him via your ds. .
Patience in the long haul is required as dc usually discover the true facts about their dps in time. .

jacketej · 27/07/2017 11:33

Both are just as bad to be honest, undeclaring income and then holding him over a barrel and saying contact only if money stays the same?!

How do you know his income has actually changed dramatically? Yes he might be self employed however he could have had a bad year?

Contact and maintenance are two entirely separate things and courts don't take lightly to it being stopped over money.

It's annoying , yes and unfair yes but your son should go

ShowMePotatoSalad · 27/07/2017 11:41

"So I've told my ex that our son won't be going over this weekend until he confirms that the payment wont change. But he's totally ignored me & instead text our son & told him that I'm being mean & stopping him from seeing him, so I'm the bad parent."

That was a terrible thing for you to do. Absolutely appalling. I hope by now you've realised how wrong that was.

Where is your evidence about his earnings? How do you know how much he made?

Shazzasp · 27/07/2017 11:49

I agree, he should see his dad, but it's so frustrating that it has come to this. If his dad just responded to me and spoke to me then perhaps we could've got it resolved. He is a very controlling man (hence why we divorced). My son didn't want to go at all at one stage but his dad 'persuaded' him to.

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Shazzasp · 27/07/2017 11:52

I know he earns more because he has a lavish lifestyle and lives in a 4 bed house plus owns 2 bmw's . The whole situation is making me ill and upsetting my son. Trouble is I have certain people telling me what to do and that I am weak if I give in! At the end of the day it's my son's welfare I am most concerned about but my ex doesn't seem to care about that!

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ShowMePotatoSalad · 27/07/2017 11:56

It seems you are the controlling one. You're stopping your son seeing his dad because of a perceived lie that you have very little evidence for. It would be wrong for you to stop contact at all, but you don't have any real proof hes not earning £19k. He could be in a lot of debt with the cars and the house, and if they were bought with previous earnings who's to say they won't get sold.

Ultimately it's for CMS to investigate and handle. Stop taking matters into your own hands and using your son. How would you feel if you were denied contact? I actually feel sick reading what you've put. If you care about your son's welfare you need to recognise he has two parents and should be able to see them both.

Shazzasp · 27/07/2017 12:40

LOL. Me controlling. No, unfortunately I am the one who is weak and always seems to end up being controlled by people. You will be pleased to know that I will let him go, after all he is 15 and there's not a lot I can do about it. He's lied before about his income but the CMS reckon there is nothing they can do about it this time. Their decision is final. My son will now miss out on his hobbies because I will be unable to afford them. Hopefully me ex will pay for them, but I doubt it.

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ShowMePotatoSalad · 27/07/2017 13:10

You shouldn't be trying to stop him seeing his dad no matter what his age.

I'm not saying your ex is blamelessl but you can't use contact with a child as leverage for maintenance. What is more important than hobbies is emotional stability and not being put in the middle by your parents.

Hope CMS get to the bottom of what is going on with the maintenance payments.

jacketej · 27/07/2017 14:23

I'd imagine his cars go through the business as you can claim for them as long as they are used to business use as well. Quite a lot of things can be claimed back such a mileage, expenses.
Unless he has a limited company it is harder to as such fiddle your books greatly unless he gets paid cash in hand and doesn't declare things.

Either way if your son is 15 he doesn't need to be stuck in the middle of it all.

What hobbies does he do that need paying for? Is there anyway that he can still do them without missing out? Will the maintenance he does pay cover these?

Whoknows11 · 27/07/2017 15:56

CMS are useless and I think we all know that. My ex has recently received a substantial bonus and they can't decide how it will be paid to myself as my ex has told them lies about potentially giving it back if he leaves his job! But it's ok for him to be living the high life whilst his children eat beans on toast!

I feel for you I really do. But I also believe in karma. You ex will either get found out and stung or your son will very soon find out what his father is all about. Just try and hang in there and not let it make you ill. Remember who you are and stay strong x

Shazzasp · 27/07/2017 16:40

@ jacketej - He goes horseriding & Army Cadets. Although tbh Army Cadets doesn't cost much. I also pay for his phone & school uniform etc.

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SteppingOnToes · 27/07/2017 16:46

Tread carefully - if your ex goes for 50% residency you will get no CM?? He could play you at your own game...

Shazzasp · 27/07/2017 16:48

@who knows 11 - Thanks. It's hard when people keep telling you what to do. My ex can be very nasty. His ex girlfriend has told me that he earns loads. He has a contract in London as an IT consultant. My eldest son lived with him for a while but soon came back when he realised how controlling he was. My youngest is a lot like me. Very sensitive. He doesn't want to upset his dad.
Hope your situation resolves itself x

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Pitterpatter93 · 01/08/2017 01:12

I totally understand how upset you are! It's also disgusting that a father wouldn't give every penny towards his son. Report him and let your son go over, be the bigger person money can't buy love

Shazzasp · 01/08/2017 07:37

Thank you. He's gone to his dad's. X

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HowamIgoingtocope · 04/08/2017 12:57

What , you have no right what so ever to use your child as a blackmailing tool.

it has gone through the official channels if you have evidence and that is full evidence he has manipulated his income then appeal. However Being self employed entitles him to make certain deductions , ie petrol , transport , electricity , so his pay may be exactly how he has declaired

manipulating income is a silly thing to do . Its time consuming and frankly most men are too lazy to do it.

But with holding your child's contact with their father ( see its about the child not you or him ) is just abhorrent.

mattingly123 · 21/02/2019 11:06

I don't knlw how old thos thread is but I literally only signed up to be able to comment on this, because frankly it's made me so mad. All these people putting this mother down for making this decision have clearly never been in this situation, or haven't had it as bad whatsoever, in actually disgusted with the comments of people saying how appalling it is that she has stopped her son seeing the father. Up until a few years ago I was exactly the same, I got my tongue and did nothing while my son's father scanned in and out of his life, EVERYTHING was on his terms, which effects our children aswell. My son is now 12 and has decided he doesn't want to see his dad at the moment which frankly is great in a way, as I've not had to tell him that his dad isn't a father, he's figured it out for himself, BUT, I have such empathy for this person who has posted because these "fathers" get to do what they like, when they like, they can make our lives as difficult as possible, fake what they are earning along with so many other things that we feel less of a person, we are helpless, but when we decide to take it into our own hands, and bearing in mind, these dad's aren't FATHERS which is no good for our kids either WE are condemned for it, it is absolutely disgusting. Being in this situation for so long pushes you to HAVE to do something, ANYTHING to prove that you have the power, not them, because most of them are emotionally abusive aswell, it is mentally exhausting and makes you sick when NOTHING is done to sort these degenerate selfish fathers out. Us mothers do EVERYTHING, while fathers do NOTHING. Now you lot who have put this woman down for her decision have heard FAR too many times, "don't use your child as a bargaining tool", I don't see it that way, I see a woman struggling to bring up THEYRE child, NOT just hers, while having to grin and bear it, why the hell SHOULD "fathers" get to spend time with they're kids if they aren't paying for them! Or lying about what they are earning?!, if they are lying about what they're earning that in itself is proof enough that they don't give a damn about they're child!!, it's insane to me and this is where us women get stuck, ill, tired and mentally drained, because stupid quotes like this are thrown about, that's why men are getting away with it. SOMETIMES when you realise there is no one fighting your corner or your child's but you and you are at the bottom of the bloodiest pit you HAVE to fight back, you have to say ENOUGH is ENOUGH, no one cares about me and my child like I do, no one other than YOU can change this situation and even if you can't you have to sure as hell try no matter what that takes. The TRUTH is, no one gives a damn, men have NO responsibility whatsoever to be fathers that's the truth, by law even though everybody says but they can't do that,but they HAVE to be fathers the law says so, it's bull, I should know as I've been to court, I don't know why, but I personally think the government and the justice system must have a real dislike for women, I would go as far as hatred actually, because what some of us go through while the fathers get away with doing nothing is nothing but inhumane, it is disgraceful, unforgivable and unjust, this is the only explanation I can come up with,or else why aren't FATHERS made to do they're part? Come on now...personally, I give this woman praise for doing everything, she is probably struggling just like me and alot of my friends while he lies about his earnings. I don't know why people especially you mothers who have been so negative towards her don't understand that when you make the decision that this woman has made it is because she is at the bottom, she has had enough of this utter BULL and it's never an easy decision, WE want our kids to have a father and we also would like to have some bloody time to ourselves sometimes because we have no life so I've never understood why people think that it's an easy decision or even that its wring frankly, when you have been pushed, yes PUSHED by the father which IS what they do..they push us by lying and being awful fathers, it's they're choice as far as I'm concerned! Pay for your child, spend time with your child, or bugger off!!, stop giving these fathers the RIGHT to do nothing, as far as I'm concerned the father deserves it, as for our children frankly if they are lying about wages to get out of paying for they're child then the child shouldn't have them in they're lives, mum knows best...WE know best as mothers, if we done half the things men do we would be totally put down for it. The only thing I can think is that you women aren't at the point that thos woman is, because if you were you would understand. No one wants to stop they're child having a father lol they are just sick and tired, literally, of getting no help when they didn't make the child themselves. I don't care who says what anymore, I don't care if the courts say oh but you can't do that..oh really? But he can do nothing and lie about his wages so he can get out of paying go which benefits his child? Give me a bloody break, as far as I'm concerned now that I know how the justice system works (It doesn't btw), you do what you've got to to stay sane my love, your doing everything for that child

Justmum3babies · 21/02/2019 11:09

Unfortunately reporting them does nothing. Speaking of a mother who doesn’t receive any child maintenance from the father who works 40 hours cash in hand and claims universal credits

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