Hi, I am new to mumsnet, I have a friend who is often on here so that is why I decided to ask some advice... talk..... not sure I am just a bit overwhelmed.
My dd's father has smoked weed since I know him. Foolishly I believed it was only weed and that he never smoked around her.
We live in Mexico. I grew up without my father, maybe that is why I have given him so many chances to be with his daughter.
We seperated when she was two months, because he was violent towards me. He wasn't around for a while and then he started being a part of my dds life again. She adores him, he tends to spoil her and used to be overprotective. From the age of two she began going with him on her own, for a while we have had it that he looks after one afternoon after school and one afternoon and a night. She is now going to turn four. We have had trouble like not giving her good food, sending her to kinder with her hands and face dirty. He doesn't help me economically at all. When things come up he often wants to turn it into a shouting match and I usually try to talk to him in cafes to not feel threatened. When things are ok we can get on great. It wasn't brilliant, and I went a lot on her behavior as she is generally a very happy little girl. I was quite proud we were making it "work". I also took advantage to study and work while he looked after her.
Well he left his phone the other day and I saw a strange message. So I went through his phone. It turns out he takes really heavy drugs, his friends have parties with drugs and alcohol at his place. Also I don't know if he sleeps with prostitutes or calls the girls he is with (which are many) prostitutes and completely objectifies them. It seems he lies to everyone, even his mother. He really seemed like another person, I feel so guilty my daughter has spent time with him and built a relationship with him.
Legally he has no standing as he is an illegal immigrant and not on her birth certificate, but things in Mexico are corrupt. He has let it drop that he has friendships with important authorities. One of his dealers lives in our building and surrounds himself awful people.
He is awful, but he is really charming and good humored. He is great playing with little ones and has all the patience in the world for them. That is no excuse for his other side but I am trying to figure out as I write this how things got so far.
I am seeking legal advice to see if he can be deported, but I feel any move I make has to be on the low side so as not to endanger my mother (who we live with), myself or let him make a run for it with my daughter.
The other option is to move to England or Ireland as I have a few realtives there. To be honest that also scares me as I would have to figure out how we would survive there, what I could work at. We aren't well off.
Right now I just want to protect my baby. Not sure how which way to go about it tough.
Advice is welcomed thanks for reading.