Advice needed. Bereavement

[PolkaDottyMadness]

Today I've found out that ds father has committed suicide. Ds is 5.
He left a long time ago and ds has no recollection of him but is obsessed with the idea of him. Leaving and no contact/maintenance was all his choice. Nothing I said/did made a difference.

Many times (too many 😔) ds has asked why he can't see his "daddy".
Why doesn't he have a daddy? Can I call him? Can we meet him?
Lots and lots of upset and tears. Hes even asked me if men hes seen me talking to in the street are his daddy.

I think ds has real hope that one day his father is going to turn up and be his father. It was unlikely before. Now it's obviously impossible.

Do I tell ds that his father has died? I honestly don't know what to do for the best.
I'm devestated for ds that he's never going to get what he so desperately wants/needs, and I don't want to upset him even more than he already is but my gut feeling is that he should know.
I'm not sure I could cope with the constant hope ds has, whilst knowing it's never going to happen.

I suppose I should add that I'm so angry right now. His 'father' was a selfish human being who cared only for himself. This feels like the ultimate selfish act.
I'm sorry if this is hurtful for anybody that has been affected by suicide...it's not intentional. I've been very hurt/cross/upset at this man for a long time. I've watched my ds be effected by his intentional absence for years and now I face having to tell him that he's gone for good and there's no hope.
Once again I'm left to pick up the devestated pieces of a 5 yr old.

Any advice please (sorry for the length of that!)

Sorry to hear that you are going thru this.
My similar aged DC recently lost their dad, tho slightly different circumstances. They are coping ok but for some specific issues I spoke to someone at Winston's wish & they were really helpful (I had been apprehensive & a bit cynical about calling). They have a page on their website specifically about loss of a parent thru suicide, but if you give them a ring they will give you advice or suggestions more specific to your circumstances. HTH.
www.winstonswish.org.uk/death-through-suicide/

Oh goodness OP what a difficult situation and your poor DS, my heart goes out to him. It sounds like you're absolutely doing the best you can and want to deal with this in the best way for him.
I have no clever suggestions but send you
Could you ring the Winston's Wish helpline to ask for advice? www.winstonswish.org.uk
They specialise in supporting bereaved children so may well have come across similar situations before.

Ah sorry SameOld cross post!

I think you have had some great advise so far. Just wanted to say sorry about the situation

I lost my DP in the same circumstances. And we were separated at the time. His youngest was 6. I told the DC, but not the cause. It was a horrific time, but many years on, all DC are doing really well, and I don't have the questioning as to when he's taking them out etc etc. Yes, the anger is unreal, because once again, we're picking up the pieces of their selfish attitudes. But the anger goes in time. And once my DC are old enough, I will tell them the cause of death and why he did what he did. Winston's Wish were brilliant, and inform your DSs school - they will work with him and support him

Thank you. I'll contact winstonswish.
I've not heard of them before.

And thank you for the kind wishes. This whole situation feels so surreal. I'm so sad that ds has to know about this stuff at 5. It seems very harsh.

Whywontheyletme I'm so sorry. Thank you for posting on this thread, it means so much to me.
I glad your dc are doing well.