What to do if he breaches the court order

[lortybass]

My ex has 50/50 shared care. Nightmare. In the hols we have two separate periods of 7 days each as hols. The rest is the same term time pattern.
My ex says he is taking DD for 14 days. I tell him it's a breach of the court order. He just replies saying that's what he's doing and I need to stop "fighting" him, i.e I need to do everything he says, even if it breaches the court order or is against your DD's best interests. .
DD has struggled with contact. Ex is abusive etc. I am due in court in the autumn to try to change this nightmare contact pattern, but what can I do right now to stop this 14 days??
Do I not let DD go? Well she goes there twice a week so i can;t keep hold of her all summer. Also that would no doubt make me look like the bad guy in court in the autumn. I just spoke to the police and they seem to think (though can't confirm) that they'd go get my DD and arrest ex if he keeps her 14 days. But they said talk to the family court or solicitor. Family court don;t juts "talk" to you. And I have no money for a solicitor. I spoke to school and they are with me on this but what can they do? I emailed my social worker, but they are fairly inactive and think ex is fine. Shall i say I will call police if she's not returned after 7 days? Do I say we stick to termtime pattern the whole summer and not have any hols if you can't agree to a holiday pattern that conforms to the court order? I am not being petty- my DD struggles with 5 days with ex even during school weeks, let alone 7 on her own in the summer with him, let alone 14! It is non stop controlling behaviour from ex. He usually leaves dd with his parents or on her own, so it's not about wanting to spend time with her. She's nearly 12. I am exhausted from dealing with this man.

bump

Thanks Mumblebee. DD is unlikely to say anything that might upset her dad. She's had bad experiences in the past when she's tried to tell professionals.
Does anyone know if police might help if he takes him?

bump.

I feel like the court order isn't worth the paper it's written on. When I Google advice on this it seems the police will not get involved. Speaking to nspcc it seems that if he breeches it I need to go back to court to get it enforced. But what use is that??! Another court order that he won't abide by...
Feeling pretty bloody hopeless tonight. If he doesn't bring dd back there's not much I can do.

Ive no advice just waned to bump
For you

After the 7 days are up go and collect DD with the police if need be? Especially if you have evidence of DD wanting to be collected.

Is there a possibility that he has booked a holiday and they will be abroad?

Thank u everyone. No he won't be abroad as he hasn't got Dad's passport. He's generally either at his house or at his parents house. It's so we rid to hand dd over when ex has literally categorically said he's not going to bring her back after the 7 days.. I think ex knows there is little recourse for me if he breeches the court order so no doubt there'll be more of the same in the future.
I would hope the police would help but googling it it seems they might not.

Sorry typos. I meant dd's passport, not Dad's. And so weird not so we rid.

Sorry you're dealing with this. I think it's unlikely police would get involved unless there's something like a prohibitive steps order in place. Not sure if you could apply for one? Try rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-information/family-law/

Sounds very difficult @lortybass . You should post this in Legal Matters. I think the police will only intervene if there is power of arrest attached to the order. Has he put in writing (text or email) that he intends to breach the court order?

I would go and pick her up at the end of the 7 days. Has she got a mobile phone that she can use to let you know where she is?

How far away is his place?
Just go collect her after 7 days
She is 12 so presumably goes to school alone so can just walk out and call you ?

If you want to take it further and she wants to stop contact she may have to explain why at some point
So if she appears perfectly happy to be with him and doesn't give any reason why not then why would police do anything?

I believe that if he breaches court order you go back to court THEN they attach power of arrest to subsequent one. That's what I was told. Yup, not worth much are they? Same is true for divorce orders. YOU have to take them back to court.

It's rubbish but I think you will have to do it because he sounds like a bastard who, if you give him an inch, will take a mile.

On tge face if it if sge goes 2x per werk a.yway and it's 2 weeks in school holidays it just looks pretty normal.

So if she happily (or apparently so) going off twice a week then the you just going to look bad if you make a fuss...unless there is goid valid documented reason why....

My oldest dd just stopped going from age 12. Other dd continued. It was more complex tho as she was ill anyway.

He has chosen the exact 2 weeks when my dd has her friend and their family visiting from abroad, was going to pay to take us on lots of outings (they are minted. I'm not.) So aside from the whole 14 days when it should be 7 days, it is also that he's insisting on these particular 2 weeks. I tell him holiday dates need to be agreed, not dictated. But he just says "stop arguing". I have a court date for Sept for a new child arrangement order as the whole 50/50 is not working. He breeches the court order in 4 or 5 ways regularly, my dd is suffering according to the school etc. So hopefully after the summer we have a new order. But meanwhile, as contact is not going well at all, I am not feeling like extending the 7 days to 14. Ex does not allow dd to phone me (or have access to a phone as he knows she'll phone me) This is against the court order. If I go to collect her he'll keep her in and not answer door (I've tried in the past when he's kept hold of her)

TBH I think I would refuse to let her go.

Have you in it writing that he is keeping her for 14 days?

Did he know of the friends visit?
Weren't the weeks agreed in advance?
How does he breach the court order?

If school is saying she suffering..in what way ?

Can you offer the other weeks of hols look reasonable... since the friends are coming?

google prohibitive steps order.

they system can sometimes be really shit at enforcing its own decisions.

Ask your DD what she would like to do best. If that is having 2 weeks with her friend then she doesn't go to her dad. If he won't allow her to come home after a week, then he can't be trusted to have her at all. He can take you to court if he wants to. You've been reasonable and offered other weeks that don't clash with existing plans.

My dh's exw broke their court order 6 times (withholding contact / talking them on holiday in his time etc.). There is nothing that can be done I'm afraid. All you can do is take him back to court. If you're lucky he will get a slap on the wrist, or like my dh's exw was made to pay a measly £200 fine after the 6th time.

7k in court and solicitors fees later my dh has run out of money to fight to see his kids. So yes, court orders are not worth the paper they are written on.