Hi everyone.
I have a one year old daughter and I also have bipolar disorder. I was getting on fine but around a couple of weeks ago I started getting symptoms of a major depressive episode. I had self harmed and attempted suicide which was stopped. I went to the doctors, they suggested ECT and put me on some different medication which helped but I still felt down. I didn't (and still don't) want to get up in the mornings, shower, eat etc. I just lay in bed crying all day.
The doctor suggested giving myself some time to recover and a break from work and my daughter. I phoned my daughters dad (who lives up north, im in the south) and he said he would have our daughter for however long I needed and said his mum would collect her (as he was working).
Previous to last month, her dad was living in France (for work) so she would only see him around every 3 weeks. She has only met his family once (prior to this). She is a VERY attached baby, she is fearful of strangers and always want's to cling to me if others are around.
His mum came to collect her and as soon as she took her she burst in to tears. I comforted her and strapped her in her car seat gave her a kiss and she went. That was Saturday.
His mum is currently caring for her at her house during the day and he is staying over whilst she is there (he comes home around 6-7pm) She also lives with his brother his sister and his niece so she has a lot of contact with them.
They have sent me photos of her some she looks content in others she has tears in her eyes or has been crying, it is breaking my heart. I keep imagining her being there with strangers and thinking "where is my mummy" it's really tearing me apart I don't want her to be scared. I know they're looking after her, feeding, changing and playing with her but I just feel so guilty, I feel like im the worst mum in the world and im heartless and like I should take her back even though I know I am not ready. Please someone tell me if they think I am doing something wrong or not :(