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Original poster

harrasment by text...how to cope with it?

20 replies

BelleBoyd · 04/07/2017 10:19

My X sends me a lot of harassing texts. Last night I got 7 texts which I only replied to the first.
The texts are usually about me being uncooperative, in communicative etc.
They are not specifically about the children.
I limit my responses to what is reasonable and ignore the ones that are insulting or just ranting.
I don't feel I should block his texts as we need some communication regarding the children.
I have said to him he must stop harassing and bullying me but that just sets him off on another set of ranting texts about me having a persecution complex!

OP posts:
ChicRock · 04/07/2017 10:23

Would you go to the police about this?

Or how about buying a cheap PAYG sim/phone, tell him you have a new number, set aside 10 minutes a day to switch the phone on, respond to appropriate texts and ignore the rest, then switch the phone off again till the next day.

ChicRock · 04/07/2017 10:25

And obviously if you go down the new number route then you block him from your current number.

HerOtherHalf · 04/07/2017 10:26

Ignore but keep them, they may come in useful one day as evidence of his behaviour.

Your emotional response to them is entirely within your control, it just takes a little bit of work. Instead of feeling angry or intimidated, see them for what they are - evidence of his pathetic outlook. Have a smug laugh at him, take a second to be grateful you no longer have to live with him and then forget him.

Lonecatwithkitten · 04/07/2017 13:49

I put up with this for 5 years. Then this year I involved the police. That advised him that any unwanted contact is harassment. He then did the whole 'reasonable unreasonableness' text the police revisited and told it was no contact and anything more they would prosecute.
I got a new number that he is only to text in an emergency, he is to email via a third party for contact arrangements.
The relief was amazing not more dreading the arrival of a text.
Please go to the police.

user1499198602 · 04/07/2017 21:12

Ive had the same for nearly a year i rang the police and logged everything, every time , and showed the messages to the police, just to cover urself for if he ever takes u to court u have all the back up of what hes been like. X

Ditsy1980 · 04/07/2017 21:16

I bought a payg just last week for this reason. Ex given that number and blocked from my phone. Only switch that phone on for 30 mins a day for him to ring and speak to DD.
It's been a massive relief to me already knowing he can't contact me directly.

user1499198602 · 04/07/2017 21:20

I did the same, you dont want your ex having ur personal number.

libbyliz83 · 04/07/2017 21:29

I went through this too. Finally after 8 years and crippling anxiety/depression I changed my number with the permission of CAB and a solicitor. They said this was fine as long as I had a number for him to phone me if there was an emergency when he had the kids - land line that was only tured on to accept calls during visits. I backed up the msgs to email, printed them and took them to my solicitor appointment (£49), along with details of his behaviour towards me in person and she sent a harassment warning letter out advising him that the next step would be police action.

Stay strong x

fraidknot · 06/07/2017 15:52

Hi, sorry to jump on your thread but I'm having the same issue with harassment messages from my ex, accusing me of neglecting the children, mental health issues and more. Threatening me with court for custody, Social Services, you know the full cliché works.
I spoke to the police and was told they wouldn't do anything because the messages were about the children in some way. Had a free solicitor assessment appointment and was told police would help.
So those with police success stories, what am I doing wrong?

user1499198602 · 06/07/2017 17:20

Im goin thru it. If he takes u to court they read what u have logged with police, show them everything, every text message and threat , let them log it down all u have to so is ring and log it. Then it all goes against him in court x

fraidknot · 06/07/2017 18:27

They refused to log anything, said they 'don't do that any more' and won't get involved unless he threatens me with violence.

user1499198602 · 06/07/2017 18:48

Were u from? I went thru my sisters place , ive had police here loads and rang and logged everything hes sed to me, i ring the non emergency number and log it that way x

Lonecatwithkitten · 06/07/2017 20:23

Fraid the police here took it very seriously even though the actually words were not threatening. They advised that the law states that any unwanted messages are harassment.
I do, however, live in a town where an ExH shot his ExW and son despite never having never threaded violence just harassing type messages.

debbs77 · 06/07/2017 20:28

I've had them previously. Things have been fine for a while. Then today something was said while he was here and he stormed off. I'm now getting abuse and being told that my 13 year old physically abused our 4 year old. No. Just no. Don't use her like that

ShowMePotatoSalad · 07/07/2017 18:47

Some phones have a "spam" list you can add numbers to. It means their texts go through to the spam folder and you don't get a notification of the message. But it will still keep a log of the message on your phone but it's not bothering you all the time. That's what a friend of mine does - it's piece of mind that you don't have to constantly dread the text message tone.

Mrskeats · 07/07/2017 18:49

I would block him and make him use email which you have more control over

MyMushroomsInATimeSlip · 07/07/2017 21:01

What is wrong with idiot ex's?!
I had same problem. I think it was all about him trying to keep some control over me. I got police involved who spoke to him 4 times before he got the message
I now have a cheap pay as you go phone for exH to contact me. It's usually in drawer unless I want to check it. I changed my mobile number so less invasion into my life from him. Ex h now uses landline to speak to dc and he knows that I won't answer it or speak to him so has given up trying.

user1499198602 · 07/07/2017 21:21

Thats what its notmally about ... control! My ex is awful! He likes everything his own way hes shown anger twice now once while holding baby and another in public so ive stopped contact and blocked him. Everyhin been reported so if he wants to go court he gona get a right kik in the arse wen he wil get nowere .. they do it to themselves. Controlling ** and the end of the day its the poor kids that lose out because the dad or the mam cant just enjoy their time seeing them and make things more difficult.. ( sorry having a rant )

fraidknot · 09/07/2017 21:53

Thanks, it was the local police station I spoke to first time that were so unhelpful. Tried ringing 101 and they were much more helpful, have a log number and everything now Smile
You're right, it is all about control. I'm going to sort out a separate mobile for contact, I refuse to let him put me on edge every time my phone goes.
It's all in written form so at least I have print outs of everything as evidence.

user1499198602 · 10/07/2017 08:50

Good on you, its the best way! Log EVERYTHING. Even if he messages you and its not much if a threat still log it.. cos then if you ho court first thing the judge will see is the logs from police , my son is 4 month d and ive everything logged from wen i was 10 week pregnant.he wil get a right kick in the arse wen he takes me to court i cant wait ! If he messages you be as nice as you can or try not to reply. X

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