would you add him to birth certificate

[user1499079258]

So Im going to try to keep this as concise as possible but its important to illustrate this well.
Been with o/h for 2 years.
Initially I gathered he was obsessed with ex, continuously spoke of her (they have 2 children together) and wished she never find a new partner otherwise his children would miss out on her attention.
At one point he admitted to treating her better than he treated me in this relationship which ended up causing alot of resentment on my part.
He has been utterly controlling, I have lost contact with alot of friends. He not only takes full rent from me but he has manipulated me into paying him money from my savings account (for which I am saving for a house) without any care/concern of my dreams.
Everything is about him/his needs.
I always felt I lost apart of myself since being with him and he's denied my basic needs in terms of sexual, emotional, physical etc.
We decided to go through IVF treatment which he cancelled TWICE and said I dont deserve to be a mother and should be sterilized.
I conceived naturally and I am 9 weeks pregnant.
Since being pregnant he has shown no affection/care and has been very harsh towards me, such as making me lift heavy furniture, suggesting I am lying in relation to my symptoms etc.
Last week we had a major argument and I threatened to not add him to the birth certificate so he got angry and threw all of my belongings out. I snapped and during this row, I ended up breaking his door window.
He grabbed my car keys, contacted the police and got me arrested. He wanted me convicted. I stayed in cell overnight and in the morning I was released with caution. The police officers described him as an "arsehole" because he was talking about me like I am just a stranger hes hooked up with a few times.
Since then I have been living in shelter accomodation. Thankfully I have a job and car so I will get up on my feet again.
Since then he's made it clear he wants no contact with me and hes not interested in attending the scans but he wants to be contacted when I am in labour and wants to be added on birth certificate.
He has refused to contribute any of the large baby items such as pram etc.
Ofcourse there were good moments but he's an uncomprising person, he even refused to create a new nursery for a baby. It might not be his first child but it is MY FIRST child and I want everything new/fresh. It's exciting to me.
He wanted to use old cot/pram from his previous children but this does not sit well with me and I am not okay with him using this tat if he has access to our child.
Also he owes me £2750, and I want this money back as it would help me immensely.
Would you contact him when you go into labour? I really want to do the right thing but he has absolutely used me in this entire relationship. He has no regret for anything and blames me for everything that has happened.

I wouldn't. Let him do the run around, if he cares that much he would, if he doesn't care then he won't bother. Birth cert - IMO - is not a matter of fact, you don't automatically earn the right to be a dad, you have to act like a dad to be called one. Otherwise you've just donated sperm.

If the child asks about their dad, tell them the truth. Then give them the option to contact them when they're old enough and ready and if they want to, because that child does have a right to meet their dad - however based on how he is acting right now it is down to you to safeguard yourself and your child from him. No point lying and hiding who this man actually is, he doesn't deserve that favour.

@serfterf you are right.

New job? How will you get maternity leave?

If you put him on the birth certificate he has 50% parental responsibility and with that he can refuse to return your child to you after he sees him or her and holds all the same rights as you do you need to consider that. Based on his behaviour in your relationship and since you became pregnant I'd be worried about how he would use the power.
Also you don't have to tell him you're in labour although it depends if you'd want him to be at the birth. You can tell the hospital you don't want him in the room and they won't let him.
He can go to court and apply for PR but that's not a reason to put him on the birth certificate.

@ImperialBlether - unfortunately I wont be entitled to anything from my employer.

The day I received my contract of new employment is the day I found out I was pregnant.

All this happiness all at once !

@user1493413286 now thats one risk I WILL NOT be taking. I think this is it for me. he can fight for his rights.

and no I dont want him at labour anyway, I go through all the struggle on my own with no support so he can reap the rewards of being the first one to see our child? I dont think so..

@cleanlaundry I admire your suggestion and I think it is the correct approach.

Also when there are police call outs like that with childten involved social services are automatically notified so his actions have other consequences as well.

If a dad is not involved in a childs life ( which he is currently stating ) it is far easier if they don't have PR.

A child can be told who there father is without it been on the birth certificate.

As you are only 7 weeks through you really need to stop worry about all this stuff right now..Focus on getting yourself sorted.. I am sorry I think the money is gone.

As for labour it is about you in your most vulnerable state and the need to safely deliver the baby.

Focus on yourself right now..Stop messaging him or replying

thankyou @starlight2345 for all your encouraging words.

No, don't do it

I was in an abusive relationship with ex, we already had one child. Split up, found out I was pregnant, he carried in being abusive, I ended up being depressed so somehow we got back together,

He convinced me to name baby after him, was put on birth certificate.

My son is 7 months old now and his faster has spent time with him twice. He saw our daughter a lot more up until recently when I put a stop to it an said both or none

Don't put him on it, he will just use the child as something to abuse you further with

I get constant threats about court about a child he's spent less than 24 hours with and has also never contributed to upbringing.

He can always be added to the birth certificate in a few years if he's proved he actually wants to be a dad. Please don't be bullied into it, sometimes they just use being on the birth certificate as an excuse to bully you further

Don't make my mistake, it's not fun x

What a hot mess you're in.
You were willing to go through IVF with him and now you're waving the red flag to the bull, hurling threats about not putting him on birth cert. Don't do that! Don't fan the flames! Just keep shtum. Keep a cool head. You know the saying, "Cool heads prevail"? That's you, from this day forward. Calm, cool, collected, rational decisions from the head, not spontaneous ones from the heart.

No. Don't put him on the birth cert. But do be prepared for a year in court when he applies for it, which he will I believe because of his controlling character. This type typically don't just fck off. They take pleasure in pissing all over people's lives long-term. Ask me how I know if you wish to. Hopefully, this guy might just fck off forever.

But really, move as far away physically as is legally possible. Start from scratch. Do not chase him for money owed. Do not contact this guy. Make it as difficult as possible for him to have control over you and your child. And I promise you, he will never come good so run, run, run and don't soften when he comes to you with his crocodile tears and begging bowl. Be strong. Move on.
Be prepared and make you and your baby top priority.