ExDH messing about with parenting

[Nikitasol]

We broke up earlier this year and ExDH has just told me he's taken the every other weekend thing out of the diary as he can't plan what he's doing otherwise and he hadn't agreed to it.

I'm not really sure what that means other than messing me and DS about. Although ExDH is convinced he's co-parenting still. He has him overnight on Wednesdays and that's basically it right now.

He wants me to ask him every time if I want to put something in the diary instead of just having a routine but this means I have to basically ask him if I want to do anything. I am strughling with this as he's quite controlling so it potentially feels linked to that. I've worked out this month is that I've had DS four weekends on the trot.

I'm self employed and work full time so am basically exhausted with hectic DS who's 3.

I don't want to have to communicate with ex more than necessary so don't know how to proceed with this other than be massively cross about him dicking us about. Thoughts?

Op that's ridiculous. He can't expect you to ask him everytime you want to do something?! I would say the every other weekend stands and if he chooses not to have his ds then that's his choice.
You might have to get it formally arranged through a solicitor if you think he's going to continually mess you both around.

Thanks. I couldn't work out quite how unreasonable he was being.

Yep time to speak to a lawyer. You deserve time off and a rest and your child deserves decent time with his dad and continuity and routine.

What should I do first? We haven't tried mediation yet but I'm pretty broke so can't stretch to a solicitor unfortunately.

A mediator can help a lot, they can help you both listen to each other but you can have a free 20 mins with a lawyer.

Wikivorce can be helpful if you post there too.

Thanks! Like your name btw

Give him an inch he'll take a mile. It's exhausting isn't it? But stand firm.

Even if you get a court order it does not force him to take up the contact it merely means you have to make the DC available for contact.
Mediation would be a good idea be very child focused the DC need to know where they regular EOW contact is the best thing for the DC.

Thank you for this support.

unfortunately, you can not make him have contact.

email back that ds will be available every other weekend beginning (date) and that if he intends to take up his contact he needs to email you (24/48/72) hours in advance otherwise you will make other plans.

run your life as though you will not get a break. cut back on the non essentials.

(alternatively if you want him to take up contact, thank him for giving you extra time with ds. mess with his mind a bit)

That's a useful approach! I'll try that. Many thanks x