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Original poster

Really worried about ds meeting xh's gf.

10 replies

lexiwest · 22/03/2007 10:25

I left xh last may (due to dv) after 2 months he found new gf. Xh just been on holiday with gf and will get ds to meet her. Makes me feel sick as his gf is stranger to ds and worried that this will confuse ds. Ds has only just been able to have overnight contact and is still unsettled from that. Any thoughts much appreciated!

OP posts:
hoolagirl · 22/03/2007 17:25

If he takes contact with his GF slow and not 'force' them on each other then your DS should be fine.
He has been seeing her a while, so he's obviously waited to make sure he's not going to be introducing a procession of girlfriends.
Everything that is new is very unsettling, however 6 months down the line im sure everything will probably be fine.

brandy7 · 22/03/2007 18:35

how old is your son?

brandy7 · 22/03/2007 18:38

i ask because my son met his dad when he was 8 and after the first visit was introduced to the girlfriend and he really liked her. i think he was relieved to have a woman around to care for him as his father was such a feckless pratt! he doesnt see him now

nikkie · 22/03/2007 20:27

Thats how my kids see my xh gf Brandy!

My xh did it badly.We had been split up for 4 years but dd1 hadn't reallythought about it and was just realising divorce had happened(friends parents had just got married which confused her) and he introduced them and didn't say anything to me and dd1 came home with a secret and not to tell anyone( she thought I would be upset )

nikkie · 22/03/2007 20:28

The GF went mad with XH too though when she realised what he had done

Original poster
lexiwest · 22/03/2007 21:15

wow, thanks everyone, i'm not alone on this one! Ds is 4 1/2 infact xh will be fetching him from school tomorrow and hasn't bothered to ask me anything relating to that just sent ds a text saying he will pick him up. I was in tears before I read your messages as I was hating the thought of dropping ds off at school and not seeing him till sunday at a motorway service station and wondering if they arrive safe and if xh will be introducing ds to gf. Your messages help though to make me realiaze that ds will hopefully cope. Its me I am finding the recovery process long and upsetting recovering from the dv (still ongoing - power and controll is his game)divorce and how quick he was to move on to new gf but am trying to keep positive!

OP posts:
hoolagirl · 22/03/2007 23:19

Its a tough time, but kids are tough as well.
I was going to try and write something more meaningful, but heyho am rubbish at this.
Hope it goes well x

Surfermum · 23/03/2007 09:40

I can only tell you from the other side Lexi. I was a stranger to dsd the first time I met her and she was a little younger than yours. We all went to the zoo and had a fab time and dsd didn't seem to be concerned or confused at all. Mind you, her mum had finished the relationship with dh to be with someone else, so she was already used to a different man living with her.

It might be a good thing that she's around. Dh is a fantastic dad and he and dsd are really close, but it was always me that thought of things like taking a spare set of clothes, a drink or some toys and a colouring book out with us. It was always me that suggested she had a suitable bedtime and stuck to it so she wasn't tired the next day (dh didn't see her much and would have wanted to keep her up cuddling her). He, of course, was the one that ran round the park with her, tickled her and carried her round on his shoulders.

If dsd's mum had wanted to ring and talk to me to find out more about me I would have been more than happy to talk to her. Might be worth considering.

Purpleparrot · 29/03/2007 13:57

My ex introduced his gf to our ds without speaking to me at all so I didn't even know it was happening. We were still living together but going through the motions of splitting up due to his affair with her. He didn't, however, have the guts to tell our ds that he was leaving me for her and that was the reason he was never home, never spent any time with ds and was being nasty to me!

He also never warned me that they were having a baby though we had agreed to do this if either of had more children and I found out from my son that he was going to be a big brother.

It is a big deal but not usually a situation you have any control over so you just have to try and control your reactions and facial expressions when your dc tell you about it so that you don't come off looking like the bitter ex.

Children can be very cutting without realising it and there's no reason that they should ever know what you are going through when they are young. Not sure this is helpful! Sorry!

hayes · 22/04/2007 14:06

I agree with Surfermum, if this relationship is serious I think it can enhance your childs relationship with his father. Men are useless at times and I think a womans nudge in the right direction is needed.

I noticed a difference in my sons after my xp met his partner, they seemed more looked after if you know what I mean.

Good luck with it

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