Domestic violence and child contact

[user1498242224]

The domestic violence included daily, choking punching, kicking, dragging by hair, threatening with knives and breaking my finger on one occasion. He controlled my life and finances completely, I had to have permission to do anything.
All this happened throughout my pregnancy and continued after birth, punching me while breastfeeding and hurting my baby, shouts at baby and tried to choke me to death in front of baby. I had enough and left after 3 months.

Ex is taking me to court for contact one full day a week, my baby is 6 months and has never spent any time alone with him and he does not have ability to look after her. I don't want contact at all, it will just continue the control manipulation and distress.
Ex has 3 previous children, 1 who had a court order for no contact and prohibited steps because he abused the mother just like me. Along history of domestic violence against all his previous women and children

I have first hearing in July, I'm beside myself with worry. What can I do to fight this.

Please any advice will be great

Hi OP, please don't worry. The court will not award unsupervised contact with a violent lunatic with a history of violence. At best he can hope for supervised contact in a contact centre. He may have to go on the DVPP domestic violence course which lasts 6months.

You need to protect yourself. Have you got a non-molestation order in place? Please get one - they are free if you get a referral from the police. Please call them and report the abuse. Also call the national centre for domestic violence regarding the non-mol and Women's Aid. If you have no money then you will qualify for legal aid.

Good luck and please update

What's the likelihood of the Dvpp?
I'm concerned about supervised because he will use the supervised contact to get to me and continue to control my life. I'd like to plan to move back to Australia for a better future safe and away from him. All the other ladies I know he abused left the country, he is very dangerous and has no boundaries.

In terms of safety we are just living with family and have reported all the assaults I could recall to the police who are looking into it? Marac got involved but discharged after I did everything to safeguard.

The abuse was traumatic and I'm struggling to get the right support :( I have flashbacks all the time, like my mind leaves my body and relives it over and over. After I get it under control each time I have to give information to police and the solicitor the flashbacks get worse again :( I feel like I'm still in the abusive relationship even though it's over now.

It sounds like you situation is more severe than mine, the DVPP course is for 'mild' domestic abusers and they go on it to learn about healthy relationships and how not to abuse women. Not sure how effective it is and they won't let him do it if he won't fully participate.

Is he on the birth certificate? Do you have passports? Since the other women have left the country I assume you could too before it gets to court otherwise that could be abduction. Please get some legal advice regarding this

I'm so sorry you had to go through this too!
Ok that sounds interesting about the course, he rejected counselling so I hope he would reject it.

I have the passport and he applied to start the proceedings recently so not much chance of leaving now I guess?
What's the likely timescale for these kind of proceedings?
Do you have any suggestions on how to deal with cafcass?

I am so sorry to hear your story.

Don't worry CAFCASS will not allow contact in these circumstances as CAFCASS has changed tact in the last few years. Prior to 2015, nearly every non-resident parent got contact in one form or another but things have started to change and these DV people will not have a chance of contact. Lots of barriers have now been put into place!

I personally think CAFCASS are wrong in their approach as I think that each child should have contact with both parents in a safe environment.

Thanks Ghanci, really helpful. I know I'm most cases there is a way to facilitate some sort of contact, but this is really one of those cases where it's just a huge no.
There's just no feasible way that he can be positive. He's so deeply abusive and had such a history, he's too old to undo his behaviour pattern. Baby is surrounded by family who adore her. She wouldn't benefit from him.