Giving up baby for adoption

[user1488122513]

I have a beautiful nearly 9 month old baby, his dad was a short fling. The dad told me he didn't want anything to do with the baby but I continued the pregnancy as I couldn't face abortion. I do love my son and I want the best for him. Mostly I want him to have a proper family. I was considering adoption when he was a few days old but my dad told me he would never speak to me again if I did. I'm 21 and feel like I have no future. I want to get qualifications to go to uni but I can't get the childcare without a job and the jobs I have found are all uncosiable hours. I have support from my parents but not often. I have lost most of my friends and I feel completely alone. I know I've made my bed and I should have been more responsible.

Is there anyone with experience in the same situation of giving up for adoption, how they felt etc. Or anyone who kept their baby and where they are now?

Sounds like a good plan user. Take your time and do what's right for you.

My children don't have any contact with their dad either so we are our own little family.

Did you have a course at uni in mind? And what qualifications do you have if you want to share? Depending on the subject there may be other entry routes. I didn't do A levels when I was younger but I had done a online level 3 course equivalent to A levels so they accepted me based on that.

I was a single mum at 23 and did the access course when dd was 1. College helped with nursery costs and some funding. Then went to uni. At college I met friends I still have 9 years on who help me out and are my family.
Also adoption, nothing is certain. Whats to say that couple doesn't spilt up. Us single mums are the best and we do a bloody good job. Ideally you want you're children to have two parents but you're his mum and that's enough for him. I've had some fantastic experiences so you're life isn't over,

I'm an adopter.

Your parents don't sound very supportive. They are telling you to keep your baby but do not seem to be providing you with any practical, emotional or financial support. If you moved closer would they do more? Have you pointed out their lack of support to them?

It seems to be more practicalities that are driving you to consider adoption. It doesn't sound to me as if emotionally you are saying you don't want to parent your son. I think you should explore all the options others have suggested, and get whatever help you can from local sources.

My girls had to be adopted. But they have both 'lost' a tremendous amount that DH and I cannot fill however hard we try.

Best wishes for the future.

(There is an Adoption board under 'Becoming a parent' that you may find helpful. There is at least one birth parent who posts there.)

I would like to do a biochem degree. I've always loved science and I'd like to work in a lab. I have no A levels or level 3s so I definitely need to do the studying before uni. I live on the outskirts of bury, near Manchester. I looked at the local bury college and it would be perfect if they taught what I wanted to do. They don't allow adults onto A levels. And they don't offer the access course for science. So then I applied for Manchester college on their access course. It's a bit of a treck into Manchester 2 buses and a tram. And then they offer childcare for the days you're in college (2 days) and then I'll be looking after him on the days I'm not. I don't feel I can do this because he doesn't nap and wants a lot of attention so I'll be distracted. My parents have said they can offer some help but I haven't heard from the college on the days of the week of the course and I've been told different information, so I don't have much faith in the college. It's all a bit complicated, mostly down to where I live really. I'm going to look into doing it all privately(and get into some debt) maybe just one full a level this academic year and see how it goes and then I can be flexible on when I can get help from my parents to study. I'm just finding that it's all abit of a struggle and I'm not having much help from colleges I've talked to. I don't understand why they won't let over 19s do a levels. I want something to put my mind to so I feel I'm progressing.

you're all motivating me and it's lovely to hear your stories on how you've managed education with little children. I think Im just a bit isolated and lonely and it's making it all the more harder to come up with positive solutions when most of the time I just want to give up.

OP - I'm also in outskirts of Bury and we can meet up for a coffee and a chat if you'd like? I've got a 4.5 month old little boy so I get the isolation feeling. I've sent you a PM so please feel free to contact me.

user please don't take offence at this but if you don't have any A levels (what are level 3's) Do you have any GCSEs especially english and maths. What happened at school that you seem to have left without qualifications. I do wonder if you are being a bit unrealistic wanting to do biochem degree. You would definitely need 3 good A levels in chemistry, physics, biology (or possibly maths)

Given that you are going to have to spend several years to get the qualifications that you need, your child will be ready for school by the time you can apply for uni and that's assuming you get the A levels. I don't know what you mean by going private but I strongly advise against going into debt and the only loan companies who will be interested in lending to you will be those with ridiculously high interest rates.

I think you need to slow down - care for your little boy, see what you can do to study - presumably you will need GCSEs before A levels. You seem to have the care of your child mixed up with your need to go to uni - the child should come first - they grow so fast and you have all the time in the world to study. Do you mind my asking why it is so important for you to go to uni at this particular time, when youhave a young child and no qualifications.

I hope you don't take offence at this Catrina but you don't seem to have much clue on education yourself if you don't that that level 3s are a levels and or access or BTEC etc.. and I do have GCSE's. Good ones A and B . I just left school without finishing a levels. There's no point to your post if you don't read mine properly.

I'm also wondering why you're so desperate to go to uni now? You could do that at any time. If you left school without a levels, why? You' re 21 now - what did you do after GCSEs?

I wonder if you're focusing on uni as a way of not having to focus on/think about your baby.

It's all very well your family not wanting you to give up your son, but if they want you to keep him they should be offering more help. Could you move closer to them?

I want to go to uni so I can get a good job to support my son, to give him the best life I can. Nothing to do with me 'not wanting to think about my son' Everyone has to work and if I find a job at the moment It will be minimum wage.

I've done various jobs invetween before I had my baby and when I left school. Au pair, working for a bank, shops etc. I left school without A levels because I thought I'd return and do them later in a college. There's been loads of funding cuts to FE and it's become harder to find the right course available.

I think you're just a bit of a troll. Are you suggesting all parents have to settle for what they have after children.

I think you're just a bit of a troll. Are you suggesting all parents have to settle for what they have after children.

How rude! Of course not. I was just wondering whether NOW is the best time to be thinking about a uni course. If you waited, e.g. until your ds started school, you would have more free time and less chidldcare costs.

And of course parents have to weigh up the pros and cons of everything they do after having dc, simply because there's more to think about/organise: childcare costs, someone has to look after the dc, your circumstances have changed.

Hi OP I am a careers adviser I just wanted to say that if you can do an Access to Science course this will be fine for progression to science related degrees. You only need the A levels in sciences to do very specific areas such as Medicine. As a lone parent with a child under 5 you are entitled to study and receive income support, child benefit and tax credits. Also the tax credits will pay towards nursery/childminder cost. Most colleges also have additional bursaries for students with children. If you can go to the college Student Support dept they can go through the finances with you but there is loads of support out there so don't be put off. Good luck x

Listen to the advice talk to GP and health visitor..maybe even think about moving. But you sound a very loving mum..as a single parent as well I do understand the isolation and loneliness, but win new plans come new possibilities.
I'm an Open University lecturer and the Access course is definately worth looking at. You can also meet others in your area doing it too.

Most importantly you will be a great model for you son!

Don't be too hard on the OP.

It's normal for 30 to feel like miles away when you're only 21

Op, I know things are hard but it's very supportive here, try to be nice

Hi, I just wanted to say that you sound amazing and so determined to do the best for your child.

Have you heard of home start?
www.home-start.org.uk/about-us
They work with families to offer support and it sounds like that's what you need. A cheerleader who will help you achieve.

There are also other ways to get a great job in the sciences. There's a massive push for apprenticeships at the moment and therefore loads of money about. You could start as an apprentice and work your way up, get trained while you work and not have any debts.
www.burycollege.ac.uk/sitefiles/files/newappscourses/Laboratory_technician_learner_advanced_apprenticeship%20AAD%20FINAL.pdf
I'm full of admiration for you and fir setting yourself such challenging goals. You can do it.