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"Mum's no fun"

4 replies

VaVaBroom · 10/06/2017 22:06

Just feeling a bit down about this comment from my ten year old son today who was saying why he would prefer to do something with his dad, my exP. (Dad was present.) Wondered how others have reacted to similar comments? Thing is he's right! I'm weighed down by financial insecurity, generally rushing around with work which involves commuting, often too tired to really engage in games especially if they involve a lot of running around... I do take him to the cinema, park, we read together, I try and find adventurous things for him to do - but am not great at playing silly games (difficult life experiences have severely reduced my fun-quotient I think!) His dad is wealthy, sure of himself, has always been good at playing games, giving him constant treats, they get to go on holidays etc. It's hard when there's such a disparity materially between parents. I suppose I could see it as a wake up call - I'd like to be more fun just generally, as well as with my son! Anyway, posting here 'cos I'd feel a bit ashamed and embarrassed to talk about it with anyone IRL!

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
user1487854472 · 11/06/2017 08:05

It's sounds like you do lots together and in time he will appreciate that. You're his constant, so of course you're more boring to him. But if he ever felt he needed someone if he was upset or unwell, I'm sure he'd go straight to you.
I have the same with my daughter. She's a year old and sees her dad for an hour here and there, and I never hear her giggle quite so much as when she's with him. I do find it upsetting, but I know I'm the one caring for her 24/7, and in time she will understand that.

cheminotte · 11/06/2017 08:08

The constant treats etc from his dad, sounds like he's Disney dad. Sorry you are feeling down about it, but hopefully as your son gets older he'll realise presents aren't everything.

Phillipa12 · 11/06/2017 08:24

I have only been a lone parent for 18 months and i hear you. I am boring, daddy is fun! Well when he has a large income to cover 1 and takes them on expensive trips and buys them toys because he only sees them every other weekend and i have to survive on a much lower income the rest of the time and have to deal with the tiredness fall out on my weekends it does make me boring. I hate it, but then its me they want when they are poorly, and i would much rather be the constant in their lives.

VaVaBroom · 11/06/2017 18:40

Thanks for your support! So hard to stay strong and hold on to a sense of self isn't it- I've been a single mother for quite a long time as we split soon after my son was born. Ex is definitely Disney dad and highly competitive too which is daft as no way can I compete, even if I wanted to engage in something so destructive. We've shared care almost 50/50 for last few years so I'm not sure my son sees me as his only constant. I have a lovely relationship with him when it is just us, just this growing sense that he feels 'being with dad is better', enthusiastically fostered by my exP. I must admit that I've found the unforeseen emotional complications of single motherhood even harder to deal with than the financial and practical issues. I applaud any separated fathers that actually sing the praises of their children's mother to their kids: these women deserve respect even if you can't love them. Sorry, bit of a bugbear of mine and know this can't apply to everyone's situation. Back to work on my rather depleted self-esteem... Joy and strength to all!

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