Hi @choccolateandbiscuits I'm 33 and in a similar predicament. My child's father, our relationship only really started when our son was 4 months, it was a holiday unplanned pregnancy. However we did long distance for 7 months and it was very difficult. He broke off our month long engagement because his family were ashamed we'd had a baby and weren't married, probably also because I'm not Turkish like his family. (By the way, I live in Ireland - moved here when I was 9) I wanted to get him to move to Ireland and see how family life worked out, before rushing into a marriage. His mother convinced him that if I didn't want to marry the year we got engaged 2013 or the next year, then I didn't want to marry him. I was devastated when he finished our relationship. He doesn't send money to help and he might send a text once a month to see how his son is. He's also married now with a 9 month old boy and tells me how hard it is being a parent. (Now that I had to laugh at)
I had a bad experience with a guy nearly 3 years ago and have only been with two guys since then, once in March for two months and one 2 years ago for one month in the September.
I rarely go out anymore, mainly because all my friends are in relationships and have kids of their own. I've very little confidence, hate what I see in the mirror and I'm suffering with anxiety and depression. Also I always tend to wear my heart on my sleeve and let anyone with a slight interest walk/stamp all over it. 😔😔
Because I have depression, I've been told by my counsellor that I shouldn't try get into a relationship, as it won't work out. Does that mean I should be lonely and miserable until I somehow manage to fight the depression? I'm also not working, but hopefully with my son starting primary school in September, I want to look for part time work again.
I also feel like I'll be alone forever and when I'm scrolling through social media sites, it makes me more sad and depressed when I see friends and family planning weddings, holidays etc with their partners and kids.
It feels like, when do I get to do that and love someone again and have someone love me back. I have a lot of empathy for people and try and help as much as I can, but sometimes I feel like I'm not good enough or I don't deserve to be loved.
Have you tried dating sites before? I have, and I've met some nice guys, but also met some/chatted to some creeps so its like a catch 22 situation. Sorry for the rant.