Tips to stop getting so angry

[mytimewillcome]

I get very angry with my eldest. He winds me up so much. Does anyone have any tips? It's just me with no help and I've been ill for over a month now with something that's got symptoms like labyrinthitus. I think it maybe stress related as well. I work and have no help and they haven't seen their father for a year and a half so I don't get any downtime. What can I do to stop getting so angry? My situation isn't going to change so I need some coping strategies.

How old is your ds?

Honestly just walk away saying nothing.

Go do a chore lkke dishes or washing take your frustration out on that .

Tell your son your changing thing up .no more arguing he eaither listens or you just walk away and dont do anything nice for him like days out make sure fav stuff washed.

Few days of that should shock him .
It did mine.

He's 7. The problem is that I explode when I should walk away and I don't know how to break that reaction. I know I've got it from my dad and I hated my dad. I want to be a better parent.

Pay attention to your feelings when you are starting to get angry. Learn to recognise when things are escalating. Try to nip things in the bud so they don't get to the place where you are losing your temper. If necessary, leave the room for a few minutes in order to calm down - even if you have to pretend that you need the loo.

When things are calm, try to spend positive time with your boy, so he feels connected to you. Without his father around, he depends on you completely, so put energy into creating a positive bond.

Last thing: I always found weekends, half-term, and holidays had the most potential for things to go pear-shaped. Try to make plans, so that you are out of the house and everyone is occupied. When kids are bored they can be especially demanding / irritating.

I made a three part scale in my head about things I wouldn't tolerate.
Lowest, removal of, for example, (you might want to make it something different) tv for an hour, but an apology expected.
Second, removal for 24hrs - apology still expected.
Finally, a week.
This was a few years back which is why tv worked - you might want to make it Internet, a favourite toy, etc, but it did work - and it made me think hard about where something was in the scale before I gave a knee-jerk reaction.

mineofuselessinformation has a good approach. Let ds know in advance what will happen if he persists with unacceptable behaviour, and then make sure you follow through. But try to 'make the punishment fit the crime' - in other words, don't be too harsh, or too easy.

Also, if you are going to punish him for bad behaviour, make a point to also reward him for good behaviour. When he does something good, make a real fuss over him. Praise him to the skies, and maybe even give him a special treat for something exceptional.

Positive reinforcement can be just as effective (maybe more) than discipline.

Thank you. Good advice there. Because I'm not well we didn't manage to go out at half term for the 2 days I was off. I do find it quite difficult to give him time on my own as I have a younger child but when he is on his own his behaviour is much better. Things are calmer today after a very bad day yesterday and hopefully we can go out today but I don't feel so well again. I like the idea of the 3 part scale.

Do your dc have friends in the area? Wondering if they could go to the park with friends, if you are too unwell to take them.

Alternatively, could you spare a bit of cash? Is there a teenager nearby who'd like the chance to earn some money by taking the kids to the park, playing with them, etc.

Two days in the house is a very long time for a 9 year old boy. How else could you get the rest you need, but also keep him stimulated / entertained?