Feeling so sad and I can't understand why

[Cherryblossom200]

Hi everyone,

You'll probably all wonder why on earth I'm complaining. Basically, I have a two year old. Her father has never been involved, so I moved to be closer to my parents and lived with them for a few years to help me get back on my feet. I started working part time last year and just bought and moved into a lovely house which I've renovated and made a home for us both.

But I feel awful and I can't understand why. Part of me misses my parents (they only live 5 minutes away) and part of me feels guilty for taking my daughter away from the network she loved. She was very close to my parents and asks where they are all the time. But I felt it was important for us to move out and live on our own.

I like my own space and company, but I do at times feel lonely especially at the weekends when I see all the families having BBQ's and hear the children with their siblings. Something I will never be able to give my daughter as I'm 41.

I don't know, I just feel sad about a lot of things for some reason. I'm so lucky to have a job I love, amazing family and friends and a house which I adore. Yet I'm still not happy I'm hoping it's just a period of adjustment (I've only moved in about a week ago) so perhaps I need to give it some time.

I just didn't count on feeling like this as I was so excited about moving out. I just now feel like a single parent whereas before I just felt like a normal parent because I lived with my family - strange I know!

All your child will want Hun is for you to be happy and that will make her happy... she will have other people your always meeting new people through life don't feel guilty ... sometimes you have to put you first to xx

I think you're right. I'm constantly trying to always make her happy and forget a bit about myself. Which I think a lot of parents do tbh.

I would love to meet someone but I just can't see that ever happening. Juggling being a single parent and working doesn't really allow the time to meet someone new.

I often get sad at things. Mostly because I'm in a position I never imagined myself to be in. When DS arrived I was happily married, owned a house with a garden, all our money was earned...

Now I'm a single mother, working part time and helped by benefits struggling to make ends meet. My house that I owned was repossessed and I now rent a flat (as much as I love it... it's not mine) his father has very little and sporadic contact.... it's not the life I had set up to raise a child in.

I fully understand how you feel but once your daughter starts playgroup/nursery/school there will be plenty of opportunities to be the other side of the fence and enjoying the barbecues!

I strongly believe when the time is right love will find you, me and my husband met at work, married then had a baby and have even moved jobs together since and I wasn't looking it found me ... and before him about 12 months I was on dating apps and meeting people but my first day I met my hubby I felt that spark... sometimes it's in the most unlikeliest places with the most unlikeliest of people xx

I really hope you both find someone and get the happiness you both deserve ...

And I know that feeling of being in rented flats and wanting to own your own home.. we've outgrown ours and Me and hubby don't earn enough to get a mortgage and can't get enough money behind us a deposit for somewhere new that gets me sad sometimes but I'm sure we will all get where we need to when the time is right ... xx

Thanks everyone. That's the thing I feel I shouldn't feel sad because I'm in the extremely fortunate position to have bought my house. I've furnished it in beautiful new things, I love the fact the design is the great the way I can wanted it (not my ex's horrible taste). So I'm very lucky. My daughter goes to nursery three days a week and I work from home. I can't ask for much more really. So I feel guilty for feeling this way. I don't even have a horrible ex in my life who I have to share my daughter with. I just sometimes look at other people (which I know I shouldn't compare my life to ) and think they are so lucky to have the perfect family and life. I can't help but do it, and like I say the weekends seem to be the worst at the moment.

Lovely to hear all your stories, I know in some way we must all feel the same. We are all strong mummy's 😊 Xx

Noone's life is perfect Hun people only let others see what they want them to.. my sister does that puts on the perfect front with her husband and children, lovely house and lots of money because of good jobs but behind closed doors they fight like cat and dog .. where as me and my hubby struggle a lot but we don't argue and we do have a happy home not with a lot of nice bits and bobs but love ... I am guilty at looking at others and saying wow look at them but then behind closed doors it could be different...

Have you spoke to someone about this sad feeling like a doctor or something ? Maybe they can help by guiding you in ways to help shift that mood... I think you sound lovely and a brill mom but you need to do abit more for you and make yourself happy xx

Thanks for you kind messages Mrs Mama 😁 I know you're right nobody's life is perfect. I know money doesn't make you happy (I've had that and never been more miserable) we have a two bed with a lovely garden which makes me happy.

I saw a councillor when I was pregnant (my ex left me when he found I was pregnant) it helped me a lot. I don't feel I'm depressed just feel a little lost and I think it's just getting used to this new set up and actually now feeling like I'm more of a single parent than when I did when I lived with my parents. I think over time I'll get used to it.

I think it also doesn't help that I'm hormonal 😝 Time of the month is around the corner which doesn't help at all!! Also yesterday my toilet system broke plus my broad band isn't working so I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed by things going wrong all the time!

It is great to speak to other single parents though xx

@Cherryblossom200 awww bless you no wonder your all over the place I'm sure it will settle down ... my ex did the same thing to me that yours did only my baby didn't make it I lost him at 20 weeks so I saw someone to but tbf they told me what I knew already but for some reason I managed to do it when someone else told me it's strange how it all works haha... keep your chin up you sound a strong woman who is a lovely mommy you've got a lot to be proud of I always think single moms are like warriors because I don't think I'd manage so I think your really brave and should be proud of yourself... I think sometimes it's easy to slip into a sad place but it's a lot harder to get into a happier one... if I were you maybe sort a day out a friend maybe once a week and ask your parents to have little one just so you get a few hours to yourself ... I think when you learn to look after you you'll feel happier .. being a mom is getting a balance .. I'm guilty of forgetting about me and putting hubby and baby first but I got so stuck in a rut I was miserable and crying all the time but I've learnt one day or afternoon to myself out of 7 isn't to bad but I need that time to be me instead of Archie's Mommy and Hubbys Wife ... everyone needs a break I hope you get everything sorted and just be proud of yourself because I would be if I were you ... you've made a new life, new home and all for you and for your baby not a lot of people can get themselves back up like that xx

& your welcome xx

Awww you poor thing you sound so positive! Well done you!! How did you manage to trust someone again and let them in? I'm worried about getting hurt again so will probably stay single forever!

@Cherryblossom200 it's took a long time but I can't hold everyone else responsible for my insecurities because of what he did ... he left me paranoid of everything he left me pregnant and didn't even support me when I was having him buried financially or emotionally as at the same time my mom was having a cancer scare I'd got to deal with both things, he cheated on me and did what he wanted when he wanted by lashing out and scaring me I was young and frightened of everything I was only 18 and had been with him for 3 years thinking he would change... but after months of grieve from my son I woke up one day and I realised I did have things to offer, I work and pay for myself and fiercely independent, I'm not a oil painting but I'm not ugly either and I do have a massive personality abit quirky but I seem to make people laugh... so I learnt to value myself... I kissed a few frogs after that who also were a nightmare and one crossed me financially and left me 2.5k in debt but I cleared it and then met my hubby... and he really has put me back together .. he knows my insecurities and we agreed to put ground rules in on both sides and what wouldn't be accepted or we'd leave each other and neither of us have ever broken those rules.. it sounds weird when I say it out loud but now the only thing I'm insecure over is my appearance but in fairness I've had a baby 6 months ago so have learnt that they are my insecurities not his but even still he always tries to make me feel amazing.. that's why I believe everyone has someone but love will find you when it's ready... but I always try see a positive because I know deep down you only move forward when your happy with all you've got and I know that's hard but I believe if your content it brings out a confidence that no one can take away. You'll get there thou Hun I'm only 23 but I'm so settled it's scary but I've been through a lot to get here ... I have lost a lot of my family for standing by my values but I've gained a whole new one ... to every negative experience there will always be a positive one and the right person will take your flaws and work with them if they love you enough my husband curses me because I always plan incase we ever fall out how I have a child and how I'd manage financially etc and even thou we are happy I'm super cautious even now xx

@Cherryblossom200 you won't be single forever ... you seem to have a nice personality, good mom, pay for yourself, own your own home and are independent these are all things no one can take away from you but also makes you appealing to men.. you need to heal first though Hun as your a little vulnerable right now and that's when some shitty person will latch on ... believe in yourself though, be proud of yourself and recognise your qualities and no one will be able to hurt you again trust me xx

Thanks so much for your advise. You sound wiser than your age. Something to be really, really proud of. Wow what an absolute sh*tbag. Sounds a bit like my ex. The weird thing is that I was content and happy with my life before I moved, the only thing I wanted was my own place. Now I've got it I just feel a bit vulnerable. All my friends say how happy I was so it's just strange how moving has changed how I feel. I do believe it's purely because I'm not used to it and that I'm due on any day now! Hopefully in a week or so I'll be in a better place (with broad band and a working toilet!!)

Honestly you have been through way worse than me, so if you can do it so can I.

Thank you for sharing your story with me x

I also know what I'm looking for in a partner and will run at the first sign of trouble! So would rather wait it out.

@Cherryblossom200 aww thanks :) there's always some worse off even for me so I'm always thinking how lucky I am..

It's new to you Hun and when things go wrong it does seem like the world is coming to a end haha but it will settle you've got this I'm sure :)

Try not to expect to much in that person because otherwise you might overlook the right person looking for other things :) I hope you find someone nice seems like you could do with someone decent now who can make you and your child happy :)

I'm pretty sure you'll find you'll turn a corner and when you do meet a good guy probably won't want to share your space with him because you'll get used to be independent... keep your chin up, keep occupied you'll be ok xx

& your welcome xx

Cherry I feel I shouldn't feel sad but you do feel sad. It's ok to feel sad. Sadness is a normal part of life. I am not sure it helps to say to ourselves 'right, stop feeling sad - you have nothing to feel sad about'. Even though you appreciate all the good things in your life it's still ok to feel sad. Things didn't work out the way you thought they would. I've been wondering recently if everyone's life is like that? Not turning out like we thought it would.

Maybe give yourself permission to be sad - for how ever long that lasts - and then give yourself permission to feel whatever comes after the sad.
You and dc have not been long in your lovely new home so it will take time to adjust.

Great advice from you all. I think I'm putting too much pressure on myself to be a super mum. I'm human and shouldn't feel guilty for feeling this way. Life is full of up and downs.

Mrs Mama that's what other people have said about not looking for a list. But I do want certain qualities i.e. Family orientated, kind etc things I wasn't really looking for in the past. I always look for a free spirit, adventurous type...there was my problem and how I've ended up in this situation!

@Cherryblossom200 well I hope whatever happens Hun you get some good luck and find your happiness again xx

It is important to regain your equilibrium first and not seek a man to give you happiness as that is the wrong focus.

I'm fine now...loving being in my own place. I think it was a combination of getting used to all this change and PMT this week has been so much better. Love having a home with just me and my daughter. I feel the bond between us is only getting better so it's great!

I'm in no rush to meet anyone, I'm not even doing online dating. I'm just enjoying the summer with my daughter in our new home! Xx

@Cherryblossom200 glad your feeling happier my lovely xx

Thanks Mama! xx