any point trying to get maintenance for me from selfish dh

[pirategirl]

HI,

I am nearly divorced and 2 yrs ago, when i first started the proceedings, my husband was being quite good about giving me money. He left the marriage ver suddenly, and at the time was giving me money for me and money for our d.

At the same time I was claiming benefits, and altho I know it was wrong, at the time I took money from him as well as having my rent paid, as I was left holding the baby, in the middle of the countryside, no transport etc... I was in no fit state to work, and i needed the money. I spoke to the solicitor at the time, and bearing in mind I thought I would at some point get back in to work, decided that a'clean break' financially was better, with him contributing, as and when, and also he was being good about it,

ahem, 3 months later he met someone else who has children, and dedcided to stop giving me money, couldnt undersatnd why he should even 'owe me' ( the fact we were married maybe??!!) anything.
2 yrs on, and I am being asked by the soliciter if I want t0 go for maintenence. My problem is that one yr ago, he threatened to report me for fraud to the housing for taking that money off him when he first walked out.
I cant deny i had the money cos, it went straight out of his account in to our landlords, whilst at the same time I was geting theother money.
I know I have done wrong, but at the time i was safegaurding my child, and in a way i am glad i had the extra cos he doesnt give much now.
I just feel I am being blackmailed by someone who is very nasty.The thing is, i am talking about maintenence for me, my dd is entitled, but if a man has left the marriage I am entitled too, untill I get married again. Or tyhere can be other clauses.
The spouse is entitled, as it is made up of the fact we gave up working to have a family etc...

my problem is how likely is it, if he reports me to the housing, that they will investigate me from 2 yrs ago??

Also, I know for a fact that he took bens, and worked, but is was cash so I have no way of proving it. This btw, is something I know but would never dob him in unless extremely neccessary.

Or should i just give up on the useless selfish man, and think, ok,you r now a mean pig, let it be on your conscience???

are you talking about maintenance for your self

it is more common to have a clean break

does he have any money?

yes talking about a proportion of maintenance for myself.
he's working, but has no other money.

i ont think he should have to pay for you tbh, esp 2yrs down the line.

how olds your d, does she go to school or preschool, if so look into some parttime work maybe.

dont rely on him for your money.

cx

I'd be inclined to walk away with dignity and leave him to it. Is he paying a fair amount for his child?

If you do feel the need to pursue the maintenance I don't think the Benefits agency would prosecute you, but they may well ask for money to be repaid...after all it is owed....

if he doesn't have any income to speak of and no assets which haven't already been divided then I don't think maintenance makes sense it will be a tiny amount and as you say will just be taken off your benefits etc and will cease when you start a new relationship and he probably won't pay it

he should be paying for his child, of course you should go for that maintenance.

Can he prove he paid you during that time you were claiming housing?

If not call his bluff, he may be able to walk away from you but he cannot walk away from his daughter.
I think alimony/spousal support is not paid in the UK tbh unles there are extensive assets and a lifestyle maintenance issue.

Not for normal folks in other words, aside from division of assets, property/savings/pensions etc

thankyou for answering. I went to the solicitor yesterday, and just said, thats it, make it a clean break.

I cant even rely on him for money for dd, so not much point trying to get anything else.

I just have to leave him to it, and try to keep my dignity, (whilst all the time wishing to seek revenge, and I am not that type of person) but I do wish him all the bad luck in the world for being such an arse.

thanks again