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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

How do you cope with no RL support

14 replies

Shinesun9 · 07/05/2017 20:12

feeling a bit fed up today, woke up with a migraine but no chance of asking anyone to babysit dc while I get on top of the housework.
No family and friends that I do have all have young dc (mine are 2 and 8)
I feel guilty for my older dc who never gets any alone time with me and who misses things like going to the cinema (younger dc is a live wire)
The only time I get to myself is when they're in bed and by the time I clean up I'm too exhausted to even think about reading a book/watch a bit of tv)

Sorry for the moan, just wondering how you cope with it all if you're on your own?

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SoleBizzz · 07/05/2017 20:20

Life is hard as a lone parent. Weekends are the worst. People who are not in the same predicament obviously just don't get it. Prioritise tasks, take care of your sanity by not stressing about being perfect.

CrochetBelle · 07/05/2017 20:24

I usually try to clean up best I can before they go to bed, that way I can relax a little quicker afterwards.

whattheactualfudge · 07/05/2017 20:30

I'm exactly the same. Nobody to help me. I just go on YouTube and disappear into escapism! X

whattheactualfudge · 07/05/2017 20:30

Sole I totally agree! Weekends are the worst!!!!

DangerMouse17 · 07/05/2017 20:43

Yes it's hard to be honest. I've found a way to get to the swimming pool on a Saturday afternoon while DS goes to a club nearby...that's my me time each week really.

You've just got to be kind to yourself. You can't do it all and you do have to find a way to get some time to yourself doing something you enjoy...you need it for your own sanity and health. I've literally just realised this a few weeks ago and started to get myself to the pool. Amazing what that 1hr can do.

SoleBizzz · 07/05/2017 20:47

I'm also a Carer a Carer. . Do hasn't had any respite since October. First time since then will let be this Saturday.... I'm gouging to a meet up group.. Jeez I'm so sad and lonely sometimes. I have won won millions on the lottery every week in my magination and haven't bought a ticket. I'd buy a country house, on site stables, Pool house, staff to clean, cook and muck out. Holidays and a. Life.

Original poster

Shinesun9 · 07/05/2017 20:54

Yes weekends are definitely worse! Feel a bit more on top of things during the school week, I made the mistake of having a flick through Facebook earlier and a few are posting how they've done a roast, house is cleaned and uniforms are all ironed and I'm just like

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Original poster

Shinesun9 · 07/05/2017 20:57

Thank you everyone, it's nice (in a weird way) to know that I'm not the only one

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diddlysquat0 · 07/05/2017 21:04

I totally relate. You are not alone! I agree regarding the escapism. I used to like reading but find I don't have the energy to do even that anymore so I lose myself in box sets for hours in the evening. It's good to escape reality for a while!

I agree also that weekends are the worst. Today has been hard here too, and have been reminding myself all day that tomorrow is Monday and I will exist again. Most my friends are married and I've noticed they hang out with other married friends during weekends and holidays without inviting me. I must throw off the balance of numbers, but come the week, the school and nursery run and work and friends are good for a chat and I am ok again. Routine and escapism and taking adult company when I can get it is what keeps me going.

I am sad and lonely a lot of the time too. It's reassuring to see other lone parents feel the same. Hope tomorrow brings a better day for you.

Also I do sometimes think that having struggled, I appreciate the good things more than many of my happily coupled friends who life has just flowed for. Many of them seem to get ground down by such simple things, they gripe to me about their hardships and I have to just bite my tongue and smile. So perhaps a little struggle is no bad thing if you makes you value the simple things more.

SoleBizzz · 07/05/2017 21:19

One day your children will fly the nest. My DS will always be at home, bless him.

junebirthdaygirl · 07/05/2017 21:51

Is there is a teenager in the neighbouring houses who would play with your dc for an hour over the school holidays. With you there. My dd did this at 13 and 14 and it was a break for our neighbour and sommething to distract dd..

Original poster

Shinesun9 · 08/05/2017 20:06

Oh sole at least you will always have the best company

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Original poster

Shinesun9 · 08/05/2017 20:09

No local teenagers that I know unfortunately, will just have to muddle on, it'll be easier (I'm telling myself) when the youngest is a bit older but then feel cross with myself for wishing the years away, I do enjoy spending time with the dc it's just the never ending washing and cleaning that comes with it that gets me
Feeling a lot better today anyway, thank you for indulging me yesterday

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Applez123 · 12/05/2017 09:37

whatever you do, don't feel guilty for "wishing the years away"! You're not wishing the years away -- you're wishing the hard work and loneliness and sadness away, and that's totally fine.

I'm in the same boat and really isolated myself for a couple of years because i couldn't muster the energy to find a babysitter, and the money needed to go out just seemed impossibly high. I've put a few things in place, over time, to make things better.

The main thing was to go for a communal living arrangement: I know it feels like a risky thing, but it's just transformed my life. At least when my DC are in bed I can nip out to the pub or for a swim etc. as my flatmate is often in. It's worth thinking of radical solutions maybe...? Hang in there! (And definitely don't look at facebook!) x

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