hey, ive been doing some searching round.
this site has about the advantages of mediation, and in your case may prove useful. from what ive heard from wobbyknicks i think it was, she went and spoke to them first so you can go in without exp first, explain the situation. then hopefully with the use of a third person being there in between you, may be able to shed some light onto the situation. But you should be prepared for exp to try and twist things to make you look bad. If hes anything like my exp then hell do it. When you speak to someone, and probably best to get a woman, show her the diary of things, and explain his behaviour like the arguments and not doing practicalities.
my hv had also recommended to me, and may be worth you looking into as well, is accompanied access (not sure what the official name for it is) so basically someone official is there to make sure exp is looking after ds properly. i chose not to do this as exp feels pathetic enough as it is, so this may just make it worse. not that i should be considering his feelings anyway!!
As your ds was born before December 2003, and you were not married, your dh has NO rights over ds. You don?t have to let exp have ds, so you can say no if you really don?t want him to. I had to tell exp over the weekend there are weekends he cant come down as its inconvient for me so hell just have to deal with it as dd and i wont be here unless hed wanna just sit outside my door for a few hours then go home, thats up to him.
However, exp can go to the courts to get parental responsibility order, but it still does not affect anything really. He just gets to have a say in schools, medical treatment etc. You still have the main say. Exp was under the impression that he could just take dd whenever he like once he had PR. My solicitor told me he was wrong and she said she'd even write to him to tell him this. If exp wanted to get parental responsibility, it may be in your best interest to go with it as when I told exp all that I found out, he decided not to bother as it would have cost him £90 or something like that to get it done.
Theres also this that I found. May also be helpful. Through this you don?t have to see exp whilst this is being dealt with.
I don?t like the sound of how your exp is treating your ds. I think you need to do something official to get it sorted out as its not fair on ds, and like i said it sounds like hes ignoring the basics and praticalities and what i think are the most important parts of ds's health/comfort (cant really think of the word im looking for). hope it helps. a lot to get through i know, but its best to find out everything there is thats available as our children are the most precious things in our lives and we want whats best for them.
xxx