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Original poster

How the hell am I going to do this??

18 replies

whattheactualfudge · 01/05/2017 23:38

Wanted to post this in Chat but couldn't find the topic on the App??

Watching a documentary on a Missing Child and I'm sat here - petrified...

My daughter is only 2 and I'm already struggling. How the HELL am I going to do this on my own??

I'm aware it doesn't always involve situations where they (God forbid) go missing.

Just the entire task of parenting which so many other couples share between them. I have to do all on my own. (Like other single Mums, I realise).

I'm so terrified. My daughter's Dad doesn't want to play any part in her life. Neither does his family. On my side I only have my mum, a brother who I rarely see and one friend....Hmm Who I see even less often. So it's just down to me. No support, no shoulder to cry on.

This is what terrifies me more than anything in life. I really, genuinely do not believe I can do this.

What the hell do I do??? Please help me Sad

OP posts:
Winniethepooer · 01/05/2017 23:44

Yes you can do this.

Actually I'm going to be brutal, you have to. You owe it to your little girl.

She didn't ask to be born. You made the decision have her.

Get out to toddler groups. Nursery/playgroup places. Build a support network of friends. It will get easier.

I am a SP of 4 dc & 2 are Autistic. So if i can deal with all that & I'm pretty crap, you definitely can deal with your little girl.

Good luckFlowers

Rosieroundabouts · 01/05/2017 23:53

You can do it, you will do it and it's likely you'l even enjoy doing it!!
I split from my DDs father when she was 2 and honestly felt like my life was over and I would be miserable forever as it was my worst nightmare to be a single parent, I just didn't think I'd cope.
2 years later and its fantastic!!! Yes it's hard work. But it does have its benefits- you make all the decisions, you have all the choice, you no longer feel let down by someone not stepping up to their responsibilities, you can parent exactly how you choose and you get all the cuddles!
For me the toughest thing is coping financially but we get by okay and I view it a short-term problem until DD is a bit older.
What are you most scared of?

Original poster
whattheactualfudge · 01/05/2017 23:53

Thanks.

Wow. I suspect my daughter is autistic. Mahooooooooosive violent meltdowns and still isn't answering questions and food has to be a certain shape etc. Isn't interested in things other kids her age are interested in. Turns down cuddles but comes to me for them and is EXTREMELY 'bossy' towards me. This is where I'm struggling, as I am disabled and also have manic depression.

Major admiration to you for all you're doing x

OP posts:
Original poster
whattheactualfudge · 01/05/2017 23:55

Oh and even though she isn't answering questions she can count to ten and say sentences no problem. Just doesn't comprehend what they mean...

OP posts:
Winniethepooer · 01/05/2017 23:56

Have you spoken to anyone about your daughters behaviour?

Original poster
whattheactualfudge · 01/05/2017 23:58

GP took one look at her and said "Oh she seems fine to me"

Called Social Services who referred me to local Children's Centre who are calling me today x

OP posts:
Original poster
whattheactualfudge · 02/05/2017 00:02

Sorry not today, I meant to say this week sometimeHmm

OP posts:
Winniethepooer · 02/05/2017 00:02

My boys were diagnosed via their playgroup/nursery. The GP had no involvement.

At least your accessing some sevices via the Children's Centre. Will she be eligible for a free 2 yr nursery place?

I know its hard but you know what? We all do, what we have to do, at the end of the day...

EllenRipley · 02/05/2017 00:05

You've already got through one of the hardest parts! So you're doing damn well. For as long as your child is your priority( not suggesting you anticipate it to be any other way), you will be a fantastic parent because you try and do your best - whoever else is in both your lives, however and wherever you live.It's utterly daunting becoming a parent, doubly so when you're doing it on your own, with no support. Being exhausted, being worried, feeling inadequate, that's all part of it. The fact you're questioning your own capabilities to raise this little person through thick and thin suggests to me you've already stepped up to the challenge. Do you go to a playgroup? Talk to other parents. Make some connections. That'll happen naturally when she goes to nursery, school... all these things that are part of her life will be part of yours too. It sounds like it would be good for you to connect with some single mums, I'm sure you'll find some here too. If you ever feel overwhelmed, find a good GP and talk to them about getting the support you might need. It sounds and obviously is bloody hard if you don't have family around you but be proud of yourself and try focus on what you do have and what you provide for your dd every day. I can't speak from direct experience but I'm sure solo parenting must make all the normal fears parents have loom much much larger, particularly nowadays when there's so much uncertainty in life. But you can and will do it and I bet when she's older she'll thank you for being a strong mum x

Shitalopram · 02/05/2017 00:10

You can do this, and what's more, you'll be immensely proud and confident as a result. And you'll learn the first importance of taking good care of yourself, which is hard to do in a partnership , and particularly elusive when you are just emerging from a difficult one.

You'll do it. One day at a time is all that's required. Flowers

Shitalopram · 02/05/2017 00:12

(Two autistic kids and as for me... well, my name says it all!) Smile

Original poster
whattheactualfudge · 02/05/2017 00:18

Haha Shitalopram! I agree Citalopram was just that for me! Duloxetine is the holy grail to me! Wow, just wow!!

Aww Thankyou so much Ellen for your kind words and for taking the time to type such a thoughtful reply. I'm not used to people caring so much!! I'm really not. I don't get to speak to anyone except shop assistants or call centre operators. Sometimes for weeks at a time. I will remember what you've said x

OP posts:
EllenRipley · 02/05/2017 01:33

You're so welcome. Everyone needs a hand hold and I think single parents have the hardest job in the world.

And @Shitalopram is THE BEST mn name I've ever seen 😂👍

Shitalopram · 02/05/2017 09:32

Thanks Grin

Speedybloomer · 02/05/2017 09:40

I just wanted to post a message of support. You are obviously a very loving mum if you're so worried about how you will parent. Not saying there won't be tough moments in the future but you have your daughter's best interests at hearts and I'm sure you'll do your best to build a bright future for her. Don't be too hard on yourself. I echo what others have said about trying to build a support network with other parents. Hope you get the help and support you need.

Original poster
whattheactualfudge · 02/05/2017 15:57

Thankyou so much Speedy I appreciate that xx

OP posts:
Starlight2345 · 02/05/2017 17:48

We do all manage because we have little one's who depend on us..

Do you work. If not you will be eligable for 2 year funding.

Get out to parent and toddler groups, if they are awful try a different one.

It also does get easier as they get older.

Shitalopram · 02/05/2017 19:49

Yes Starlight is right. Mine are at an age now when they can entertain themselves more and not put themselves into mortal peril every time I need to go for a wee Smile

It won't be like this forever. Before too long you'll be going about your day, washing up or something, and realise that you're doing it, you're making it all work. I had that moment after about 6 months and it was a wonderful feeling.

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