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How do I explain money crisis to my son?

30 replies

ohsooootired · 01/05/2017 12:07

Hi

Ex on high salary (comfortably into 6 figures) & has just dropped maintenance by over 2/3 - so now I'm substantially cashflow negative every month. - This was totally out-of-the-blue and nothing to do with any change in his financial circumstances. He is not doing anything illegal - i.e. the cut is to legal minimum.

It's a long story - but suffice to say I AM making huge efforts to get back into the workplace - but it's very slow as I have a skillset that gets me into jobs that are wholly inappropriate with a single parenthood & the long commute (that is sadly inevitable in London). It's also not that easy to walk into a part-time local admin role when you've got a high profile corporate CV. I'm also doing my darndest to get him into mediation - but not having much luck there either.

My question for Mumsnet crowd is this: I've had to all of a sudden dramatically cut day-to-day household expenditure in order to buy some time. My son (6.5yrs) has noticed I've started to say 'no' to lots of things we would have done in the past. I've had to tell him that all of a sudden we have loads less money. But he keeps on asking 'why?' - I've been trying to dodge this - but it's getting harder and harder.

Do I factually tell him - his Dad has cut the money he gives us by over £1000 per month? - Or do I lie? - I basically hate lying to children but want to be morally impeccable here (i.e. not get dragged down to the low level of behaviour of his father.) But saying zilch is not an option - I'm not having him think he's done something bad or wrong - or that I no longer love him. He's intelligent and he needs an explanation.

Have asked all my friends etc...Everyone has a different opinion....What do people think????

OP posts:
Footle · 08/05/2017 08:12

Could you ask your ex how he thinks you should explain it? Maybe it hasn't occurred to him that his son will have noticed.

kittybiscuits · 08/05/2017 08:18

I am astonished at people saying please don't tell DS it's because of his Dad. Brief and factual. Dad has to pay money every month. He's suddenly reduced it a lot. We will work out how to manage but at the moment we don't have any spare money and have to be careful what we spend it on.

How was the previous arrangement reached?

Sofabitch · 08/05/2017 08:18

Just talk about how there has been a change in finances. And things are a bit tight right now so you need to be careful.

BaronessBomburst · 08/05/2017 08:23

Aside from the money, can you dumb your CV down a bit and miss a few qualifications, jobs, and roles off? If you are looking for an admin job it might help.

NoDramasPlease · 08/05/2017 08:29

I've had to tell him that all of a sudden we have loads less money. But he keeps on asking 'why?'

You really didn't have to tell him this. You could have simply said that it's not a good idea to spend all the money you have and you're trying to be sensible about spending/saving.

My young son is also nosy about money and I just tell him it's none of his businesses/not something children need to worry about.

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