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Feel like a lone parent even though with partner for 7 yrs!!

17 replies

kellogs · 12/03/2007 23:07

I've been with my partner for 7 yrs we have a 23 mth old & another on the way but lately i'm really getting to the point where i might as well be single he never seems to help, he spends all his time on his xbox & tells me i cause all the arguments. I really feel like ending it but he always makes me feel as if i'm imagining the problems. Feel like i'm going mad, but with the new baby due i feel completely stuck.

OP posts:
GooseyLoosey · 13/03/2007 12:23

Just seen this and wanted to say you are not alone.

Dh did this after ds was born - I was on my own 7 days a week with little support and whenever he looked after ds you would think that he had single handedly looked after 60 babies for a month. In the end I said he could have his time if I got equal time on my own - or better still perhaps we could spend the time together. I explained that if he wanted the woman he married rather than a nervous wreck, I could not do 100% of childcare and it seems to have worked. Had to approach it gently though in a conversational type of way or we too just ended up in never ending fights!

Have you tried to talk to dh (rather than just confronting him with the problem)?

kellogs · 13/03/2007 19:38

I've tried talking to him but he just says that i'm being selfish. He was made redundant 6 mths ago. He says that i should be more understanding. He never talks to me he screams at me. We don't live together you see he lives 18 miles away from us. I have already been told he will never marry me & that he doesn't want to live with me & the children. He doesn't even give me a break at the weekend he'll play on his xbox till nearly 5 in the morning & then he'll rant & rave about being tired. When our 2 year old was born he never helped bathe him or dress him never let me sleep in the afternoon if i did he'd bring the baby up leave the baby for me & fall asleep himself & i was trying to get over a c section. I'm just feeling trapped but when i saw it's over he ignores me or tells me i'm a stupid b*h.

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CarGirl · 13/03/2007 19:44

mmmm you don't live together, he doesn't help, he says very nasty things to you. Are there any advantages to staying as a couple?

I want to say finish it with him you'd be better off unless there is more to the story?

kellogs · 13/03/2007 19:55

I suppose part of me is afraid of being on my own again. I sometimes justify things when he's nasty, or i say well if i hadn't pushed the issue. I know he's stressed but why can't he see it from my point of view. For some reason i always have LARGE boys, my 1st was 10lb 8oz my middle lad was 8lb 4oz even though he was 2 weeks early & my bump is showing signs of being big cos he's 3 weeks ahead in measurements than my due date. I do love him but right now i really don't like him. I want him to help me more but he says that at the minute he has to put himself 1st.

OP posts:
moondog · 13/03/2007 19:57

He sounds fucking awful.
The point is that you are already on your own aren't you?
Get rid.

Aloveheart · 13/03/2007 20:00

i was married for 7 years and felt like i lived with a lodger. He never bathed kids or changed nappies. I left ex and wish i'd done it sooner.

Do yourself a favour you do it on your own now, so you might as well be on your own, might make him take is fingers out of his a*.

kellogs · 13/03/2007 20:14

It's that fear of how on earth am i gonna cope. Feel like a failure again cos i feel like i'm 22 again & my xh is telling me he's leaving me. Almost feels like same words different guy. Part of me thinks that if i leave maybe he'll remember what he's missed. Plus sometimes it feels like i'm the bad guy.

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Aloveheart · 13/03/2007 20:18

you would coope because you're doing it now on your own. don't rush into anything. Put yourself first hth.

wotsDHdoing · 13/03/2007 20:22

I just wanted to say hi and that i'm really sad that your going through this.
Your man sounds very immature and selfish and you sound like an amazing strong woman.
Do you have any family or friends who can help abit with the children? if you told them how unsupported you are by your partner.

wotsDHdoing · 13/03/2007 20:23

You should be able to get advise from the CAB about money and your rights etc.

Caligula · 13/03/2007 20:30

Um... you are a lone parent aren't you?

With all the disadvantages of a high-maintenance useless husband.

kellogs · 13/03/2007 20:42

Luckily for me i managed to sort out my benefits so i'm ok in that respect, its only my 2 yr old & the bump that are his i actually have 2 older children (16 & 12) so they can help. I think i've just gotta bite the bullet & have a complete break for a few mths see how things go, just get destressed & concentrate on the bump for a while. & remember not to answer his calls when he starts being lovey dovey or making me doubt the situation. Why are men so good at making you think that your wrong when you know that your right.

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sheepgomeep · 13/03/2007 21:12

what was he like before he got made redundant kellogs?

Could he be depressed?

No excuse for being a git to you but depression affects men in funny ways.

He sounds a lot like my dp especially the playstation bit and he's suffered depression on and off for years.

GooseyLoosey · 14/03/2007 08:21

Agree with everyone else = you arae coping alone now and all he seems to be providing is unhappiness. What is his relationship like with your children?

kellogs · 14/03/2007 16:12

His lad adores him even my older lad thinks he's great. It's just that at the minute both of our lives have gotten really stressful & whereas i can sit down & talk about he doesn't. I've told that we both need to sort our head space out & that a few weeks thinking time will do us some good. I know that i can manage the bump & my 2 yr old on my own. I'd rather have the space now than when the bumps been born!!

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kellogs · 16/03/2007 16:27

Hi all

Thanks for all your replies it's helped to put things in perspective.

Yesterday was told that there's complications in the pregnancy due to baby being large. Have been having contractions every now & then for a few days even had a small show.

When i told my partner he didn't really care he didn't offer to have our 2 yr old he isn't coming to my gtt test or even the scan & consultant appt. All we've done is argue so i've finally decided that if he isn't bothered now then i'm not giving him anymore chances & have ended it.

All i'm praying for now is the willpower to stay away & not be talked into me thinking it's all my own fault & take him back. Think it's best for everyone.

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hoolagirl · 18/03/2007 19:52

It sounds like you've done the right thing.
It doesn't sound as if your going to lose out on any practical help from him anyway.
The only thing your going to lose is the stress of the arguements.

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