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Original poster

Fathers Day

30 replies

Fabulousdahlink · 22/04/2017 09:03

Long story short. Husband walked out to live with new partner.Nope, we had no idea. Dropped bombshell, left 30 minutes later. Has had minimal contact with kids( teen and tween) in last month and wont see them for a full day at all for seven weeks ( too busy) Not at all during half term hols. First time will be one week before fathers day when they will meet and spend the day with him and the new partner.
AIBU to resent spending money on a fathers day gift and card? Have traditionally made a special day out etc. Not feeling his parenting warrants celebration this year. Not wanting to be petty. Looking for advice before asking kids what they want to do.

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hollyisalovelyname · 22/04/2017 09:06

So sorry to hear what happened to you.
I hope life works out brilliantly in the future for you.
Isn't it up to your children to decide what to do for their father?
How are they feeling?
How are coping with the shock?

AlcoholAndIrony · 22/04/2017 09:12

I would ask your kids what they want to do. But think maybe just a card would suffice as long as it doesn't say "best dad ever"

Original poster
Fabulousdahlink · 22/04/2017 09:14

We are all ok. Relieved tbh he was not an easy person to live with and latterly quite obnoxious. We will all be fine. It has always been me who made the special day happen and kids would contribute their ideas. They will look to me for guidance hence my post. Not wanting to be petty..I am by nature a generous'giver' I just dont feel his parenting warrants it this time. No room in my head or heart for spite or hate. Want the kids to have a good relationship with him if they want.

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Crispsheets · 22/04/2017 09:14

Why would you give a card? It's up to your children.

Hotpinkangel19 · 22/04/2017 09:19

Maybe they could make him a card? Handmade are nicer anyway, that way you'll have nothing to do with it x

DelphiniumBlue · 22/04/2017 09:20

Why would you be arranging nice stuff for Father's Day? Did you get him an Easter egg?
He's called an end to your relationship, what he does on Father's Day or any other day is no longer your concern. If the DC want to make him a card, that's up to them. But you really have no obligation to provide presents or to spend time/ money on him. And in fact, I think if you did, it would make you look weird.

Original poster
Fabulousdahlink · 22/04/2017 09:58

AlcoholandIrony...dont think there is a card that fully covers the spectrum of feelings we feel right now#gottalaugh

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Original poster
Fabulousdahlink · 22/04/2017 10:03

Oh yes...the easter egg debacle..bought before he left - a ' family guy' easter egg...ironic ... You could not make this stuff up. I offered it to him post departure..he didnt take it.

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dailymailarecunts · 22/04/2017 10:11

How old are kids? I get ds to make one as it's really hard to find one in the shops that doesn't say "best dad ever" or similar and it sticks in my throat. I also sometimes get a cheap photo frame and put a photo of ds in it for him - just as ds got upset he didn't have a present for him like the rest of his school friends.

It's really hard, try and make it as easy as possible on yourself and then repeat it each year so you don't have to give it more head space Flowers

SecretNortherner · 22/04/2017 10:12

Get your kids to decide if they want to do anything and then give them £10 if they want to buy him something. Unless they get pocket money already and then tell them to buy a gift out of that. At those sort of ages they should be capable of buying a card and a gift if they want.

Original poster
Fabulousdahlink · 22/04/2017 10:20

Thanks...was kinda where my head was at..just having had the big change in lifestyle ( and finances...much poorer now) will be lots of first time dilemmas this year...like you say...give it less headroom 😀

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dailymailarecunts · 22/04/2017 10:23

Another idea I've done is to use moonpig or similar, choose their blank photo card and upload a photo of ds, then you can type a message in and send it direct from there to his address. You don't even have to see it, and because it's a blank card you can choose the message inside. Get kids to help you so they feel a part of it, but it's satisfyingly distant at same time as being personal.

2under8boys · 22/04/2017 10:25

A card and some jockeys, simple practical and not very sentimental

Original poster
Fabulousdahlink · 22/04/2017 10:26

Like the moonpig idea. Wonder if they do c#ckwomble cards?

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Mrscaindingle · 22/04/2017 10:34

I think because of the ages of your children you really don't need to be involved. I am guilty of nagging DS2 (13)about Father's Day, birthdays etc over the past 3 years, even ordering stuff online for him as I know he would feel bad if he didn't have anything to give.

This year however I'm not even going to remind him ex's birthday is next week, I had a big birthday this year, ex had DS the weekend before and didn't help him organise so much as a card. My mum took him out last minute to do it. Ex's response was that DS is big enough to do it himself so that is my mantra now going forward.
It is shit for the DC though when there's no love lost between their parents following the fall out from affairs etc. You do want to try and shield them from that a bit but at some point you have to leave them to sort out their own relationship with their dad.

Mrscaindingle · 22/04/2017 10:38

Love the idea of a Cockwomble card Grin

But a big noooo to buying your cheating shitface of an Ex jockeys!,

Original poster
Fabulousdahlink · 22/04/2017 14:00

Thanks to everyone for their advice. I used to sell Phoenix cards so have a bunch of stock they can pick from, the rest is up to them, then. No gift, unless the kids ask me for some money for a gift. They don't get pocket money now, so he can hardly expect anything, can he ? They can write him a letter or poem or something- I needn't be involved. Happy to invest a first class stamp if he gets around to letting me know where he's living. Thankyou for strenthening my resolve and reassuring me I am not being 'unreasonable'(!)

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BlackeyedSusan · 23/04/2017 20:24

homemade card is sufficient.

mine are still at primary so make one there.

FTMum2016 · 30/04/2017 13:11

My daughter is 10 months and sees her dad every week, I won't be buying a Father's Day card or birthday card etc as he promised my mum that he would buy me something for my birthday and then took it back so it's like an unspoken agreement that we don't do it for each other, my mum buys me Mother's Day gifts from DD and I'm assuming his mum will do the same or maybe not

Original poster
Fabulousdahlink · 09/05/2017 17:22

He bought the kids mothers day gifts with them on the weekend before he left..mothers day was the following weekend..so he did buy me a gift from them. Howeve, I am still the resident parent doing all the mothering and fathering tbh so think that was fair enough. Since he left ( and for months before TBH he was pretty crap as a dad...not doing anything withthem, ( and sloping off to see his girlfriend when he said he was working etc) apart from yelling at them non stop.
He is much nicer to them now, in the whole 17 hours he's seen them in the last 50 days since he moved out.
So what do I do?

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ohforfoxsake · 09/05/2017 17:27

how would the children feel if they did nothing?

All you have to do is facilitate their choice. So if they want to acknowledge it, then give them a few quid for a card. Some chocolate maybe. I do it so they don't feel bad, but I certainly don't encourage them to go over the top.

Ohflora have some which may be appropriate.

ohforfoxsake · 09/05/2017 17:31

Something like this maybe Wink

Fathers Day
Original poster
Fabulousdahlink · 10/05/2017 00:28

Ohforfoxsake...saw that card..had a chuckle.

Also love the

" no gift this year..but avacado" one.
Have mentioned a gift or card to kids. Son says just a card. Not sure where DLP ( daddieslittleprincess) head is at just yet.

I'm wavering and I know it. Found an old picture in the garage( covered in mouse pee) from a fathers day years ago. I could give the laminate a squirt of antibac spray and send it with their card. Is that too much?

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Muddlingalongalone · 10/05/2017 00:40

Mine are younger, so I usually go down the homemade card and what would you like to buy daddy route, but anything involving the muppets, a mug, celebrates things he's missing out on or other passive aggressive childish digs works for me. Definitely not best dad ever!!!
Nuts & nutcrackers was another favourite.

With older ones I think I'd ask them if they want to get something, give them the opportunity and if they don't they don't

lizzyj4 · 10/05/2017 14:26

I've always followed the kids with this. I remind them an event is coming up and if they want to buy/make a card and get a small gift, that's what we do. I leave cards/gifts/thank you letters for his side of the family (grandparents/aunts/uncles/cousins) who haven't bothered to stay in touch with the kids anyway up to him; I don't think that's my job. Of course, that means they don't usually get anything and then I'm criticised for it, not him. Meh.