Ex trying to take over custody..

[Janos]

This is probably an unusual problem for here, as there seem to be lots of XP/Hs who just don't give a toss, so please bear with me.

My XP is the opposite and I don't quite know how to explain it without sounding like an utter idiot.

Basically, we have a 2 1/2 year old DS who I love more than I ever thought possible.
I think my XP is trying to take over full custody. Like I said above it's really hard to explain it and he is very subtle about undermining me...he is very controlling.
For example, if we go to mediation he will 'manipulate' things around so that they suit him (I'm trying to think of an example). Like I'll say 'I think we should have a more formal agreement about when DS spends time with each of us' he'll agree and then 'forget' about it., or say 'no, no, that's not what we discussed at all'. (Realise this all sounds a bit nebulous).

Anyway, if anyone can offer advice then I'd be very grateful. Thanks for taking the time to read through that mess!

I think you're probably spot on about his mum wanting access. Did you have any sort of relationship with his family? Their attitude seems to be causing you a lot of distress which I think is selfish and unfair.

I agree with you about comfort and routine.

One other thing - have you thought about seeing a solicitor yourself? You may qualify for legal aid. And I suspect, although I don't know, that should things go to court (hopefully of course it won't come to that) then they are likely to decide in your favour, as the main carer.

Good luck hon.

Looking at your other thread (good plan starting that!) I can see that you've had lots of good advice on there.

Janos: it might also be worth your getting in touch with some domestic violence organisations. I'm not implying or assuming that your XP has been beating you, but his behaviour sounds quite controlling and at least psychologically abusive: attempts to undermine you and make you think that you're going mad/forgetting things -when he hasn't told you those things in the first place. They may be able to give you some additional helpful advice.

Thank you madamez. I'd feel a bit of a fraud though; because he 'wasn't that bad'. Does that make sense?