how often does your ex see the children?

[gossipgirlxo]

Hi, Just that really, how often does your ex have the children? i.e: Every weekend? every other weekend?

Just trying to sort out what is fair with EX.

I know it makes me blood boil too! but theres nothing you can do! I just don't understand!! I don't ever hear from him either from one week to the next.

I take DAD to visit his grandma once every couple of weeks. Last week he showed up and stayed for 20 minutes. Before that we hadn't seen him in a month. I don't think DAD even knows who he is lol

Should say DD not DAD

gossip DS1 was injured at school (seriously enough to warrant treatment at A&E and a week off school) and I sent his dad the pictures of his injury and explained that DS1 had asked to stay home that weekend as he wanted his own bed. I didn't hear from him for 2 whole weeks, because that was the next time he was due to pick him up. Not even a text!

OP - does your ex see then at any other time? During the week etc.?

Twice a week

• one midweek, he (or his DP) collect them from school and drop back the next morning.
• 24 hours every weekend, alternating between Fri evening - Sat evening as late Sat afternoon - late Sun afternoon. Plus pretty much half all school holidays.

Soar

Oh sugar posted to early!!

But

Soar so sorry to hear about that, that is awful hope your DC is ok though?

Heidiwine no we don't hear from him i always say if your free come and see DS he would love to see you but he just doesn't make the effort! I put it down to him living 40 mins away to start but I travel this far to work everyday and wouldn't call it out the way?

Thanks gossip, aye he's grand now. He had a pretty major cut to his head and face, and was sore for a long time. The worst part is, he didn't even notice that his dad never got in touch, because he never does. He's the epitome of "rock up once a fortnight with a McDonald's and an Xbox" deadbeat. Stupid me, I expected that with an injury as severe as that he might have at least text to ask how he was. You'd think I'd have learned eh?
It sucks when our kids other parent doesn't "get it", doesn't see what we see when we look at our children, and doesn't feel the same way in the sense of commitment and love. But your child will be fine, they have you

Once in the last 4 years

My DC are older (mid teens) so they arrange contact with exh directly. It's supposed to be once a week for 3 - 4 hours but in practice is more like once a month.

I left ExH 4 years ago at first he would have DS eow for 1 night, then it went to 1 day eow. He has had several periods of going weeks/months without seeing DS and it has really affected DS to the point now that DS does not want to be left alone with him. It's been 6 weeks since he last saw him and I'm hoping he stays away.

He doesn't want to do every Saturday night because that would interfere with his social life, I bet, OP. He's a twat.

XH has ds2 (9) Thursday night to Sunday afternoon one week, then Thursday night to Saturday afternoon the next. We divvy up holidays as fairly as we can. XH works long hours in the city and would never be able to get home for a midweek night on a regular basis. However he can 'work from home' or take odd hours off to attend school plays/parents' evenings etc. I'm lucky with this one.

First XH was a totally different story though- he would promise to come see ds1 and then never turn up, often with no phone call/text at all. When he did turn up he would borrow money from me for petrol, but then present ds1 with the latest electronic gadget. It used to make my blood boil, but when it comes down to it, you can't force them to do anything they don't want to do. Ds1 (now 21) came to realise how useless his father was but loved him nonetheless- he just had a realistic picture of him (I say 'had' because 1st XH died a few years ago)

nearly 7 years here..

I take It I would rather if my DS is not with me he is where he is wanted.

My ex see's my daughter 4 times a month which personally i think is wrong but hey atleast he sees her right? We had a terrible toxic realtionship over the past year we have settled into new realtionships and things seem to be going pretty well. I've brought her up on my own he never seen her when she was little he picked work over having her and never did night feeds when we together. It's been hard really hard but im just glad he has her even if its four times a month.. xx

50/50 leisure time split , so every other weekend , half of school hols plus the youngest spends one night a week with him.

I'm flexible though , he's welcome to take them to family parties etc on 'my' weekends. Whatever works is fine.

Just trying to sort this out with ExP.
He's of the mindset he's doing me a favour by having our DC. It's a fairly recent split although we haven't lived together for a year. He says he'd like 50/50 but in reality he only looks after them on one of the 2 days I'm at work and maybe a few hours once a week while I get some errands done 😠
DS (3) doesn't really want to go to his, but I try and jolly him along.
It's shit. ExP blames me that the DC don't want him and says we should all live together ffs

I'm another one with an ex who feels put upon if asked to see his child any more. He says he can't manage it as he 'has to work' (he has a normal day job).

No shit sherlock - we all have to go to work.

Boils my piss too but you can't make them do it. This is what I found out from my solicitor.

Once a fortnight. Could see anytime but chooses not to. Fool.

Once in the week for tea (supposed to be straight from school but they come home and wait for him)
One overnight at the weekend
If either of these clash with something else he wants to do he'll just dump them back on me.

He will have them a bit more often in the school holidays, but his attitude is that he's doing me a favour.

We have a two week timetable that goes
Mon DD overnight at Ex
Tues, Weds, Thurs me
Fri-Sun evening Ex
Mon, Tues me
Weds, Thurs Ex
Fri-Sun me
Changeovers are from school except DD returning to me on Sun evening.

It's been about 18 months, DD is now 8. I'd prefer a regular weekday timetable with same one night at Ex and EOW. Ex wants 50:50 one week each changing over on Weds, or 50:50 more mixed days as above. Both those mean every day would be different each week for DD and I really want more structure for her not less. Ex wants more time for his wife to be mum to DD. So we stick with the plan we have and occasionally argue. He sees a lot more of DD as it is, than when we lived together.

It's basically 60:40 and the holidays divided that way too. It's hard for DD but I see no way to change it. Harder are the growing number of differences in routine between the houses, but Ex firmly believes all the fun they have is more important.
Sorry for the rant! Good luck.